A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i was with my partner for almost 8 years we have 3 children when he just comes in from work one day and leaves, I thought he'd be back cause he always did. But a week went by and he wasnt coming back, I asked him why and he said he was fed up with all the arguing, which was weird as we didnt argue much to be honest i very rarely seen him he was always out with his mates. I got phone calls every second night telling me he was cheating on me before he left but they had no proof just hear say. but a few weeks after he left he was with someone else the girl he was supposed to be cheating on me with. But he still insists he didnt cheat (do i believe him?) anyway a week after he left i found out i was pregnant with our 4th child i told him he said he'd still be involved but he's not coming back but we still slept together sometimes,(i now that sounds bad but he s been the love of my life since i was 19) how do you just stop loving someone. i still went to his parents for sunday dinner he came to hospital with me for scans etc we went shopping together a lot more than we ever did when we were together. In august his girlfriend cheated on him with someone else he came to me for advice i spoke to him about it and said nothing nasty but i was so annoyed ive loved him for yrs how inconsiderate of him anyway i put up with it. He took her back but spoke to me about her all the time he was always complaining. She found out she was pregnant also but didnt know who the dad was but told everyone my ex was the father of her baby not mine. He stayed with her again but wouldnt commit to her child until he knew it was his or not she was upset by this as he said he would be there for my child. When i went into labour he came with me she was really annoyed that he came as she said he'd be holding my hand etc then when he signed the birth certificate she broke up with him he didnt see her all week but she still text him he was going out with his friend one night when he got home at 3 she was in his kitchen he asked why she was there when she wanted nothing to do with him all week anyway she stayed the night with him at his parents. She text him continously next day saying she missed him did he want to go for dinner he said no as he was working 12 hour shifts he was going home to bed. when late that night the police came in and arrested him she said he raped her the previous night now he could go to prison for something he hasnt done i should of left him alone this would not of happened. she was 9 years younger than him and she is on a lot of dating sites which she only joined a few days after she said this what should i do? please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): nothing here is your fault. this man created the mess.he cheated on you and also got his gf pregnant.
some time in the state home will do him some good. you were not there so you don't know what happened. obviously they had sex that night, whether consentual or not, who knows.
i personally think this break will do you all a world or good. it may make you to wake up and smell the mess around you and you may actually move on from him.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 October 2009):
 I don't understand what being on dating sites has to do with an allegation of rape - people react to victimisation in many ways. If there is not substantial evidence to support the allegation then he will not be found guilty - the threshold of evidence in criminal court in sexual assault cases is quite high. I really don't understand why you are bothered about this man as he is treating you like garbage. You say you 'love' him - how about love yourself and your kids enough not to be treated like a doormat. It is a bad example to your children as they will grow up thinking this is the way adult relationships should be. I totally understand you have many children, including a baby, and that could make anyone feel vulnerable but honestly...you are sleeping with him and he is sleeping with other women without protection. He could do more than break your heart, he could give you all manner of diseases which make you ill and then what happens to your children. I don't understand why you are angry with the other woman involved - be angry with him, she just made the same error of judgement when it comes to men as you have done. He is off randomly making babies with other women and coming back to you when he needs advice or sex. This is about developing some courage to go it alone as a single mum - your children and their happiness should be the motivator not to put up with this loser treating you all so very badly.
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