| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? We were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..noone cheated..i think we did really love each other and care for each other alot..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. He is in his 30's and I am in my mid twenties.i was strong and didnt not contact him until a year later because i still loved him even though i tried dating etc. We have been speaking for months. I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking.We have been having nice conversations but in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. We talk every week or couple of weeks or so but it is mostly me calling at this point.It does get to me--at times anyway--how he is probably sleeping with someone or around. I doubt he is living like a priest the whole time we have been talking. He has needs and doesn't owe me anything. But thought still gets to me at times because I think he has a lot of qualities that can attract women. I don't see him having a hard time.I really still care for him very much and its not as simple as he is an ex for a reason--i wish we could give this a second chance and i am hoping he would eventually come around.I have been dating in the meantime but it doesn't make me feel as happy like i did with him. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Dear Poster.
Please don't getr me wrong. I am on Dear Cupid to help people if I can and not to scold them or to butt into their business. But,for your own good:
You sound like an intelligent, educated, fine, sensitive woman- You owe to yourself to snap out of it. Enough is enough- get a grip.
You have recently been posting , and reposting , and reposting about this situation, from every possible perspective or angle . None of my business and if DC lets you post 100 times it's cool with me- but it's not healthy for you.
What you would need would be a way to find your peace and move on,not a way to keep picking at the scab so the wound will never heal.
what happened to you , it's simply life. Often we love people who does not love us back, at least not when or how we want them to do. We get shot down . Our dreams may not come true. People we are attached to disappoints us or betray - they change their mind ,they move far away, they even die. Loss is a part of being alive.
What one needs to do is to fall down, get up ,dust oneself off, and move forward.
Live your life NOW. If dating has not worked for you yet-, find another solution until you'll be ready to
open your heart again.
But STOP focusing on him, on his life, his girls, his dates , etc. Easier said than done,you'll say- sure,but you could at least make a conscious effort to deviate this train of thoughts ,right ? Purposedly wallowing in it won't help you, trust me. Neither to get him back nor to let him go.
|
