A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m currently in a relationship with the most wonderful guy and have been for 10 months now...Everything is near enough perfect, except one thing, his EX girlfriend.My partner has a daughter of 2 years with his EX girlfriend, and she is adorable, but my partners EX is a psycho, like seriously.When my partner and I first got together he was always back and forth to his EX's house taking his daughter food and milk round and putting her to bed because his EX 'couldn’t cope'. She was still in love with him and he couldn’t see it, a few weeks passed and he realised that what he was doing wasn’t right so he stopped.To cut a long story short this major fight broke out between him and her and the police got called, they gave my partner a restraining order and told him he wasn’t allowed near his EX which was great because he wanted nothing to do with her! He still had his daughter 7 days out of 14 and did everything he could for his little one.The restraining order is now over, and his EX is trying to get back into contact with him through me... She calls and texts all the time asking stupid questions that she already knows the answers to like when is my partner having his daughter and so on... I really really really can’t stand the girl but she is the mother to my partner's child. His daughter and I are very close :) so I can’t really say anything to his EX in case she stops him from seeing the little one...I’m not really sure what to do. He doesn’t want her having his number and he doesn't want to speak to her at all... But I can’t be dealing with having her contact me all the time... She has told me she is still in love with him and always will be because he is the father to her child...I need some advice, not on how to make it stop, but just on how to cope with it a little better, she is always going to be in our lives and I can accept that, but I will never be OK with it will I?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Sounds like he should try to get custody of his kid if his ex is neglecting the child clearly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMost of the advice on here i am already doing :)
So thanks but i would also like to add ive known this girl for a while & she didnt bring her daughter up, my partner did then when he left her, the little one went to stay with her grandparents.. ALSO, she would take her daughter to hospital everyother week and sit in A&E for hours just so my partner would rush up ther only to find out there was nothing wrong with his daughter, she used to turn up at the door and invite herself in asking him for sex blaitently infront of me.. Okay she may not be a psyco, but she is close... These are only the minor things, there is so much more she has done, but i cant even bring myself to tell you, the child is dirty, she is underfed & never has clean clothes on... so it might be hard her and my partner splitting up, but the thing that annoys me is how upset my partner gets when he see's the mother of his child is not looking after her because she is too busy with her sex life..... TRUST me, she deserves no sympathy. Ive been through enough to know when someone is genuine and when someone is just out to hurt others....... ANYWAY thank you's who have offered me some good advice :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): just play it cool, let her fret and be as big a drama queen as she wants, it doesn't mean you have to pander to her nor should your bf. let things just roll off your shoulder. remember his obligation is to his kid, not to her. she may try to weasel her way into his life by using their kid as an excuse to 'make' him come round and do this or that for her, so he needs to establish firm boundaries of what he will and will not do and stick with them even if she throws a fit. you can help this by being nice to her when she calls you but not giving in to whatever she wants, just politely saying no sorry can't do that. and then suggesting ways for her to get whatever help she says she needs. e.g. maybe you and your bf can pay for a babysitter to help out the ex so she doesn't have an excuse to call on him so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): OP you need to stop all contact with the ex, she is to have no relationship or contact with you at all.
It's not up to you to keep her sweet and she can't legally deny him access.
You let him deal with her on his own and you stay completely out of it, stop letting yourself be used as a tool in her games. Block her number and be done with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Hi, your partner needs to b there for his child so as you say you will have to put up with the ex. Have a heart and understand the hurt she is going through. When your guy and her were together he probably done all the sweet things he does for you with her. She didnt plan to be a single parent he left her when the child was a year old at the most, not a great time for any new mum. I dont like how you call her phyco because before you came along the father of the child was helping to support her bring up his child. You said because she wasnt coping. She could have post natal depression and to make it worse she has to cope with a breakup. You say you like the child. Well hats off to her mother for her up bringing. I hope you dont get left in the lurch by your man like she was. There is always two sides to a story, dont be to quick to judge . Good luck
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Hi She is trying to get under your skin, which I might add is working. Have you not heard the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer.
I recommend that you be extra polite and not hint that she is getting to you. I suggest respond to her messages and tell her at the end of the message , hope you have a lovely day.
Trust me, nothing would infuriate her more to think you are okay with her messaging you and that you can be nice.
Its easier to kill people with kindness!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): I think you just need to experiment (could turn out to be a really long drawn out experiment) to see what strategies work and what doesn't. Eventually you will find through trial and error some kind of equilibrium that you can tolerate and so will she. Maybe have your bf only communicate with her through a lawyer as it pertains to visitation and custody since there really is no other reason for her to contact him. He may unfortunately have to sacrifice some control over his daughter's life in order to remove his ex from his life. For example making joint decisions about the kid's school and after school activities will be a nightmare if the ex derails those discussions to instead be about their intimate relationship or her desires to get back together with him. He may have to simply step back and not participate in a lot of things concerning his kid if it requires communicating with the ex. It would not be his fault it would be hers, for making it impossible for him to have a relationship with his kid without having a relationship with her too.
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