A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 an my life is a big disgrace an sham . I m in a relationship wit a split up male who is twice my age wit two adults kids near enough my age . I ve being with him for nearly 6years now things were ok till his ex got cancer , I stood by him an she got through it an just got good results pending another scan in three months . I don't get on wiht his daughter actually how could I , haven't met her because she doesn't approve of her father seeing someone her age .The son is ok with it , also this man is still living with his ex partner sharing a house . I can't stand that part either . He says he would have no where to live if he left but we are trying to buy a house together which is very slow pace . The ex never met me we spoke once or twice on phone that is all . Also his daughter isn't talking to him this two years because he s with me . Age diff thing again .Ok that's the background here . He s not afraid to show me off to his neighbours an his ex is currently dating someone so I just in case your wondering . He brings me to his local also an I ve met his son loads of times . I also lived with him for 9months in Asia . An back home because of the cancer thing wit his ex .Next problem is all his family sisters an brother apart from 4out of 8 hate me so I m lucky that way . At least half of them are ok with me until one of them started ruining everything we had because she is an alcoholic an threatened me said that I beat her up which clearly I didn't but that drink for yeah , then she told all his family an now most of them hate me , she became obsessed wit him an wanted me out of the picture by any means , tried to top herself three times in one week . Blamed me for nothing again . Making me look real bad in front of him an his sisters an brothers .Next problem . My best an only real friend is vying to Australia an bailing out on me which I can't get to grips with . We ve being friends since childhood an I can't even bear to think of her going away for two years . I won't survive wit no friend to talk too an hang out wit .Next problemMy ex of 9years ago decided he d add me on Facebook. So we became friends we have long history of nothing but pain an our relationship lasted a couple of years. He recently started texting me asking how things were I told him **** , so he asked me out an to go to his house for a bit of fun which I rejected cos I will not be used as a play toy for anyone , when we broke up years ago it was rough an hard I didn't take it to well , so a few years ago I text him when I was with current boyfriend age diff guy . An he squealed on boyfriend back . It was only when he recently contacted me did he tell me he never told my boyfriend that I text him an that age diff guy caught me out . Which now I don't know who to believe , anyways the ex boyfriend sent me load of texts saying if your happy al leave you alone an as you know am single so no complications Like what I have wit current age diff guy . So anyways to be on the safe side I rejected him every time the ex . I rang him an told him he can't be texting me stuff like looking for fun an stuff like that . Now he has deleted me told me I will never hear from him again said we could be friends but can't be friends on Facebook in case he comes home drunk from pub some night an messages me something I told him that I think there is more to this story like I m sure he can control himself unless I m in his head all the time I asked him to tell me , then he blocked me on Facebook an now no contact at all . I do like this guy an I might still have feelings but I cannot tell plus he is more my age an has everything I want in a man , oh forgot to add I told him I didn't want him back an he said he didn't want me. Back either just some fun . He is single three months . But I don't think I can trust him to ask because he might tell current age diff guy who is useless an not helpful to me at all . Now can't sleep an have no clue what to do or where I stand , ex also told me I would never hear from him again , I kind of miss him but I don't think I love him but the age diff guy is all wrong for me but I love him an I want to stay wit him but I also want to find out if other guy is serious or just messing I would like to be with ex but I never see him anywhere an I can never get a face to face chat unless age diff guy is there . So help me please . Ex also said he text me but was messing , but didn't feel like that but I am not sure what's in his head an he won't tell me neither . So any adivce on my problems I will gratefully accept because I am sleep deprived . Thanks in advance guys an girls please help me though I'm very confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): is the old guy's ex, that he's still living with, also the mother of his adult children? if so, then it sounds like his family all see them as still an intact family and not broken up so maybe that's why they resent you so much especially since she has cancer. Not much you can do about any of that though, since it's his baggage that he needs to sort out but hasn't or isn't going to. maybe you should call it off with him until he's got his life sorted out then he can look you up. It shouldn't be your responsibility to help him figure out how to make room for you in his life, that's his job.
I think his adult daughter is being very childish for cutting off contact with him just because he's dating someone close to her age. In my family, I have a relative who married a much older man who already had adult kids almost her age. And whatever unease there was, they got over it. They've now been married over 20 years and still going strong. So i think it's just sad when adults have this hangup about their divorced parents seeing or marrying someone much younger and almost their own age.
your ex sounds like a real charm. seems he likes to mess with you and then deny that he's messing with you. Why are you wasting time on this guy? he's got nothing to offer.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Okay lets start with your ex shall we? He does not want you to be his girlfriend, that much is clear, off course you have it in your head that you could have a happy ending with this guy and build a future with him, but that is not going to happen, try and remember how hurt you where all those years ago and ask yourself do you really want to put yourself through all of that again? He is no good for you, and you know that you just want to believe that he is so that you can get out of the current situation that you have yourself in. Your ex is looking to hook up with you and have a bit of no strings attached fun, surely you can see that? He is not serious about you, so he is better of out of your life.
Okay so now on to your current relationship. It is obvious that you are not happy with your boyfriend no matter how much you sugar coat things. I am sorry that his family have not taking to you to well. I guess his daughter just feels shamed that her dad is with someone her own age, try and put yourself in her shoes maybe you would feel the same if it was your dad. As for his brothers and sisters well they are going to believe there sister over you, I know that it is horrible for you but that is family for you. As for your boyfriend himself. He seems to put his ex's needs in front of yours. I do believe that there relationship is over, but it is a bit strange that they are still living under the same roof. He might actually find it hard to let this friendship go. He has children with her so there will always be that connection between the two of them, he might not be in a relationship with her any more but am sure he still cares very much about her, and he is comfortable living with her so I am not sure if that is going to change any time soon. I honestly don't think you will ever have a happy ending with this man, and I really don't think you love him as much as you think you do. A relationship should never be this hard to work on. I honestly think that what you need is a clean break away from all of this. I know that it will be hard on you because your friend is moving away. But you need to start socializing and meeting new people and building new friendships. You cannot rely on one friend and you cannot blame her for moving away, she has her own life to live just like you do yours. So start thinking about what you really want and reach for that. Join new clubs or take up new hobbies where you get to meet new people. It is a new year so make a new start. Good luck
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