A
female
age
41-50,
*rongtiming
writes:I've known this man for six years now. We have always had a connection from day one, but one of was always in a relationship when the other was available. We would reconnect through the years just to talk and spend hours on the phone (we would pick up where we left off from the last time we spoke). When I separated from my husband and got a divorce, I called him to see how he was doing. We met up and, of course, still had that connection. I met his soon-to-be wife and noticed the lack of connection they had and the lack of intimacy a newly married couple should have. One night he called me and finally told me of his feelings for me... since day one. He said not a day goes by that he doesn't regret telling me how he felt six years ago. He hated the fact that I was available now that he was going to get married. Had I called before he proposed, he said he wouldn't left her for me. I said he felt that he owed her the marriage because of the length of time they were together...it was a comfort thing. He came over that night and we had an amazing night. Despite that night, he still decided to stay with her and get married. I asked him not to contact me anymore after that.Six months later, I can't stop thinking about this missed opportunity. I ended up calling him and we met up last week. He introduced me to his closest friends, who all loved me. They were protective of me and knew a lot about me. One even told me he had feelings for me and I should be with him. He said that I was his kryponite and he always thinks about me. I told him that I wanted more than just a weekend...I wanted him. I told him how I felt and that I wanted to be with him. It was obvious how emotionally conflicted he was. His marriage is only six months old and there is no flame, no passion, lack of intimacy, both are constantly away from each other, and there seems to be a lack of happiness on both ends. I asked him about it and he said it was a marriage of convenience. I told him that he could have me if he left her and that I wouldn't be the "other woman." He responded that "I wasn't the other woman...I was THE woman." He said I'm everything he wants in a woman and to never change. He didn't hestitate to show me affection...even in front of his friends. He said it felt right being with me.It ended with me giving him an ultimatum...me or her. He asked me not to call him anymore. I miss him soooo much and I know we would be great together. Why would he stay with someone who doesn't make him happy? Especially when he has a sure thing with me? Do you think he will leave her for me one of these days? How long should I wait? I know his marriage is doomed based on the facts, his unhappiness, and especially his friends reaction to me. Why would he go through the trouble of introducing me to his closest friends and braggin about me to them? He even set "ground" rules to them prior to me arriving not to mess with me...I was off limits. His friends know he's married, but still referred to me as his girl and treated me as such.What does this mean? I plan on moving on, but I can't deny the strong feelings I have for him and he of me. Especially after six months of not seeing or hearing from him...it's still there and as strong as ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): I don't want to hurt you but I don't think he will leave her for you. I have had a relationship the same as you for 27 years, and 4 failed mariages between us but whenever I am free he chooses to stay with his wife and when he is free I always choose my husband. If he wanted you he would come to you. You are a very exciting bit on the side that he loves but he likes having you in that role. You are connected and it is exciting but it would not be the same if you were married to him. The high emotions would not be sustainable if you were together all the time. It is very cerebral. My advice is to keep looking for someone else for you keeping him as your 'fallback' but accepting that it is not going to be any more. I wish I could say different and I may be wrong but I don't think I am at this moment in time. You may find he comes back to you in years to come or dips in and out like mine did and still does over many years.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 March 2009):
 You have no choice BUT to move on. Trust me, if he truly wanted to be with you, he would. Since you know that being someone's bit on the side isn't for you, you just have to bite the bullet and move forward. Good luck, you'll be just fine.
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