A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,Im 20. Single (always have been), quite inexperienced, only dated one guy in the past properly and it ended horribly, but I've never actually been in a relationship before.So I met this guy through my friend, (he's 20 and he know's her cousin) she introduced us without us actually meeting face to face, she thought we would get on quite well so I gave it a shot and was talking to him over WhatsApp for nearly a month.We live quite closeby (30 mins by bus) so we decided to meet up on the Saturday that just went, it's now Wednesday...The meet-up went quite well, I just went over to his place, I stayed for 4 and a half hours, we chatted away, cuddled, kissed and watched a movie. It was going really well, he seemed like he was interested in me cause we were literally cuddling for a good 2-3 hours and talking as well.He told me he'd like to see me again, we did kiss too, and he didn't try anything sexual either.Now, I think he's lost interest. Before I met up with him, we were talking all day, every day. As in, he would reply to me within the same minute, our conversations were soo long throughout the whole day, I know his work schedule, etc yet he would always be chatting to me, he was really sweet, would flirt a lot and there was banter in our conversations.Ever since I saw him, all that has completely disappeared, his replies are extremely slow, he would take about 1-2hours to reply back to me, no more banter or flirting, but when I asked to see him again at his place (as it's extremely cold around here and practically snowing, we don't have many places to go and I prefer to just be indoors) and he said "Yeah sure, as long as my mum isn't back from her holiday" so I asked him if he knew when she would be back and he said "I wish I knew, so that I could tell you a day to come over"(You're probably thinking, why can't I go over when his mum's there? But he doesn't introduce females to his mum unless it's an actual girlfriend, which I understand. because I'm the same way, I wouldn't bring a guy over to my house unless it was serious between us.) I then said "So when your mum does come back, how will we be able to see each other?" and he replied "We can go out, or I can come upto your uni campus after your Christmas holidays" - I live on campus in halls/dorms but it's a 2 hour journey from his place.Now I don't really understand it, he seems okay about meeting up again (not excited like the 1st time around) but he is talking about meeting up. And he's talking about meeting up after Christmas.But then why does he seem sooo uninterested over WhatsApp? Most of you may say he's busy, but I know he isn't. Because for that month we spoke he would reply back in a heartbeat and now he takes forever, on Whatsapp you can also see what time the person was "last seen on whatsapp" so I know he has been checking his messages but doesn't reply back the way he did, and he's lacking enthusiasm.I'm quite confused because I'm not that experienced either. He's spoken about meeting up again, however I did have to bring it up first, but he did go along with it. The meet-up went really well, so whats up?He's either lost interest, or now that the chase is over and he's actually seen me, he may feel as though he doesn't have to talk to me all the time like he used to?Males perspective would help, however I am very open to a females response :) Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,
Well we've agreed to meet up today, so I'll be able to see where his head is at by the end of the date.
I can also ask him what he's looking for, etc.
As I don't want to waste my time if he's not fully interested.
Thank you for all your help.
Written: 13:37 Thurs 6th Dec
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Probably he was imagining too much about your physical appearance. Always boys imagine too much and that you might be different in person.
However its good for you. Foundations based on physical appearances fade away. Just be casual and see what his intents are. Be consistent. If he comes back to you, it will be after he gets over all his confusions. So take it easy. Enjoy your youth ... i.e Keep looking for others as well. Dont get discouraged. This is called experience. :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Hi well I think I have already responded to your question as you have already posted it, but I thought I would reply again as this post is a bit more up to date than the last one. I think the best thing for you to do at the moment is not to over analyse everything. Yes he does not seem as eager as he was before and this could be a number of reasons. But the main one again probably going back to him being shocked that you where still a virgin. However he has not lost complete interest which is good. I think the best way to handle this situation is to take things slow and see where things go. Don't over think things or you might ruin something before it even begins. Just take your time and get to know him and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): He's lost interest, trust me. This is typical behavior of someone who has lost interest. Things would NOT have changed this much from his end if he was still as interested as before.
Many, MANY people (including myself), have made the mistake of continuing to pursue someone who has lost interest in us. The truth is, it's completely pointless to continue contact with someone who has clearly changed their mind. Not only will this guy be even less interested if you keep contacting him, he might start to think you're too needy and possibly crazy. This is what happened when I made the mistake of doing this, and it has also happened to people I know. We also get questions like this all the time here on dc. You're far from alone.
I know it's easier said than done, but you HAVE to move on. Don't torment yourself wondering why he lost interest, because you'll probably never know anyway. He may have enjoyed the fantasy of you, but when he actually met you the attraction just wasn't there. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that you're unattractive. It simply means you're not what this guy in particular is looking for. A different guy might find you the most beautiful woman in the world. You just have to find him, and you never will if you keep wasting your time on this one.
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