A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, okay a little bit about me so you can get the gist of my situation afterwards.I'm 20 years old, female, living in London, I'm a virgin, I've never had a boyfriend, I have only one guy before, but things ended extremely badly before it reached the relationship stage. So I don't have much experience at all in this dating/flirting scene.So, a friend of mine I've known for a few years set me up with her cousins friend, (he's 21) we hadn't seen each other in person, but she told me she knows a guy that might be interested and I should just talk to him and see how it goes (she knows me quite well and I'm guessing she knew that me and him would get on), so we had been talking over WhatsApp for nearly two months, we got on really well, started talking on the phone, etc, it seemed like I just clicked with him, his personality is so similar to mine, we can always joke around and tease each other so freely. We decided to meet up yesterday, he only lives about 30 minutes away from me by bus so I went to his place. I wasn't too worried about this because I knew my friend knew him and he didn't seem like he would do anything bad (which he didn't) the meet up actually went really well, I got to his house for about 2 in the afternoon and stayed til 6.30, in those 4-5 hours, we just talked, watched a movie/tv, cuddled on his bed and kissed, he didn't make any sexual gestures, his hands didn't go anywhere they weren't supposed to go, he seemed genuine. Now as we were talking, different topics came up, and "sex within a relationship" came up too, we were just talking about how it would be IF we were to get into a relationship, etc, and that's when he found out that I'm actually a virgin, I asked him if it was 'off-putting' and he said 'yeah, a little bit' which then I replied 'that's not good' and he said 'no don't worry, it's not bad'... We carried on talking and cuddling the same way, he didn't seem awkward at all after I had told him that, he even told me he'd like to see me again before I left. (however he still doesn't know that I've never had a boyfriend, because the question didn't come up, I think he's assuming that I'm a virgin by choice, which I am obviously, but I also know that if I'm seeing someone I would consider losing it to them, I'm not that type of girl who wants to wait til marriage, but just until I've met the right person, which I think I should've told him so he would've understood it more, because in his head, he may be thinking that I have had a couple boyfriends in the past and I haven't done anything with them)He asked me to let him know when I was home, so I dropped him a quick WhatsApp message to let him know I was, he seemed to be replying normally, but then he got a bit off-ish with me. It seemed like I was holding the conversation and he was just replying, so I went to sleep and the next morning I had seen his reply from the night before, I replied back to what he had said and he has been extremely off with me all day, his status and pictures have changed a few times but he won't reply back to my message until an hour or two have passed, his answers aren't the same as when they were when we used to talk before the meet-up, there's no more banter, or teasing, or flirting... I can't tell if i'm reading too much into it, but it just doesn't feel the same. I don't want to ask him either cause I will be sounding too eager seeing as I only saw him yesterday, now the only reason I can think of him being off with me is because of the whole virgin thing, the whole meet-up seemed to go well and that was the only thing he was put off by.Am I over-thinking things, do you think he is put-off or hesitant with me now that he knows i'm a virgin?I know it's quite surprising for a 20 year old to be a virgin in our society as most people are sexually active, so that's why I'm guessing he's not acting the same way.What do you think?
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female
reader, orangeswild123  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 This happened to me! Within the past 2 weeks!
I wouldn't give this guy anymore of your time! What i've learned in the past 2 months that if a guy REALLY likes you he will talk to you whenever possible. Sure life gets busy but when you like someone you make time.
I've dated 2 guys within 2 months both similar in one way. They think they will never have sex. I am a virgin as well, like you I'm not waiting for marriage but for a guy who I wouldn't be ashamed or upset that I lost it to them. So his gripe may be that he thinks as a virgin you won't give it up to him quick enough. Guys like this aren't worth your time. I'd stop texting him (AKA doing all the work)and see how long it takes for him to check in with you. If he takes longer than 2 days to see how its going then tell him your not feeling it. Even at two days that's quite a while to not at least see how you're doing.
My first date with this one guy lasted 5 hours! Went great he was so sweet to me. I went to his house and we just talked and cuddled even had a kiss. Then the talk of sex came up and things weren't really the same after that since I told him my sex in a relationship requirements. 1. has to be my bf and 2. 2 months or more into the relationship. we hung out a few times after that talk he would make me feel guilty for not making him happy. It was ridiculous! So I would give this guy a little more time but move on if he doesn't get it together!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I think it is possible you are probably over thinking the situation and also finding fault where there might not be any. Okay so I am guessing he was taking by surprise when you told him this, and yes he probably is questioning why you are still a virgin, so if you want to explain to him about it then you should the next time you meet him. I guess just see how things go maybe plan a second meeting and get to know him some more and see how things go. Good luck.
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