A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in this wonderful relationship with a guy I really like. He's awfully sweet and really cares about me. He does does everything in his power to make me happy, so when I told him that I wasn't so sweet an innocent and liked things to be darker, rather than nice and "normal", he had no trouble accommodating to me. The only thing I think he struggles with is his morals and how he feels about deliberately causing me pain or hurt of any kind. So whenever we mess around, he holds back. He told me once that he'd never let go all the way because he didn't want to hurt me. Which I don't mind; I'd rather end up not being seriously hurt or anything and I appreciate him liking out for me but I dont want to be stuck in this in-between stage forever. How do I explain that I want more from him? I don't wanna be pushy.... I just want things to be darker than they are. How do I go about explain that to him without looking like an idiot? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Perhaps if you explained to him that while he may feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea, you would really enjoy it, it might reassure him that you are okay to take things further. Could you also be more specific with him? Could you tell him exactly what it is you would like to try, or what you would like him to do? He may not know what you are asking for, and if it doesn't come naturally to him he may be at a loss as to what to do.
You could also agree on a "safety word". So if you started to feel uncomfortable with anything, you could say the safety word and it would mean that you should both stop. That might make him feel it is safer to try new things.
Obviously, I don't know exactly what it is you would like to try with your partner. But if he is really uncomfortable with the things you suggest, then there is no way you can make him. All you can do is suggest things, try and compromise so you are both happy, and see how he feels. Good luck.
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (19 December 2010):
Well be specific about what you want him to do to / with you. Has he done any of it yet ?
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A
male
reader, honest_human  +, writes (19 December 2010):
Dominate him in bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): what exactly do you mean? causing you pain?
can you detail your post better please?
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