A
female
age
30-35,
*.SS
writes:Problems in a relationship, i moved a year ago to another country to live with the guy ive been with for 2 years now, we were long distance friends for 7 years before getting into a relationship, he was the most trustworthy, kind and understanding person i met. ive given up my life in my motherland, along with a drastic career change to support my partners 'dream job' which for the first 7 months brought in no money, commission work, ive felt lonely and beaten down, taking most things in the house (cleaning, cooking, activities) as my responsibilities.i have been the main source of money and it has been difficult at points for us to scrape by. there has been little sex in our relationship for the past 8 months and ive become very self concious, feelings unwanted and unattractive, i have now lost 15kilo from an unhealthy food relationship, ive been pushing him to tell me why he doesn't seem interested in sex with me and then he told me its because he has been masturbating more and more, and in time its started to replace our sex life, he has been using naked pictures of girls on reddit to masturbate to throughout our 2 year relationship, he says this has taken his sex drive down,he saidd it was just material for him, that it meant nothing and when the masterbation was over the picture was never thought about again, using different pictures on a live stream, so its a different girl and different picture every time, but he says he will stop masturbating now, that he feels ashamed, guilty, disgusted in himself for what he's done to my self esteem and for putting me to one side to have 'him time' , that he thinks of it with nothing more than regret. he's suggested couples therapy and said he will do what ever it takes to fix this,but during a long talk about it trying to move forward and me getting passed this, he said he should tell me that hes also been looking at girls on his facebook, saying he sees pretty pictures on his daily stream, clicks them, and looks through the girls facebook pictures to see more, he said that there is no attraction in this, or desire or anymore thought than that the girl is pretty, he said its the picture , photography tat he likes, but only when pretty girls are in the pictures. im feeling so lost in what to believe and what not t believe, he seems like the most honest and genuine guy you could meet, i never saw any breech of trust in this department from him. he says he wont lie to me again but how can i believe that, ive completely changed my life, and he hasn't appreciated me, he has ignored my needs, put me to one side, been selfish at every hard turn we have had, he always listens to me and understand and says he wants to make me happy but never quite follows through, he seems to really try for short periods before falling back into old habits. he says he's going to turn it around, put me first, be and do the things i need. but what do you think? i dont want the relationship to end, i love him and want us to be that happy bubbly couple again, that share our lives and connect on a different level, but everything feels unsure, im afraid to trust him again, and the consequences of whats happened have left me feeling totally unsexy , undesired, unwanted and second best to so many girls on the internet. Should i let him in to fix this? He has a habit of starting things and never finishing them at work, home and in relationships hes turning it around at work now, but should i let him try with me.
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at work, facebook, long distance, money, nude pictures, period, self esteem, sex drive, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 Agree with wiseowl E
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014): Lets first talk about your health. You gave up everything, uprooted your life, and gave up your dreams for some guy.
You should never deny yourself the things you want and need for some guy. You have to eat properly and take care of yourself to stay strong and physically healthy. He has to get a job so you both have enough to eat.
Now you're hardly making enough money to survive on, and still idolizing and fantasizing a life with him. You've placed him on on a pedestal and you're slowly wasting away and becoming depressed. You are far too immature and impressionable; even if you're 21. You have a fantasy concept about everything around you. You left home too soon. You don't seem to have a grip on reality, and distanced yourself from your strongest support-system of all, your family. You created a complete fantasy world in your mind and it's not at all what you created in your imagination.
You poor child, you are so far from everything you know, and this guy is nothing but a phony. Your whole world revolves around him, and he hasn't delivered. He isn't worth all that you've sacrificed and all the effort you've put into it. He repays you by lowering your self-esteem, lying, and he is the most ungrateful pathetic poor excuse for a guy there is. He is literally watching you disintegrate before his eyes, and all he can do is lie and make hollow promises. He needs you around to support and take care of him; because he scammed you into coming. He has not changed in over two years, yet you are still there claiming love for him. Knowing full well that is a waste of time and effort. Still you don't have a grip on reality.
You really need to get back home. Seriously you do. I know in my heart your parents and family didn't want you to go.
What were you trying to escape? Were you abused, running from your life? Well, you're in hell now. Please call your family, maybe they will pool resources and find a way to get you home. Leave that assh*le with his naked pictures and go back to your country. Return to your family who must miss you really badly. Two whole years?!!
GO HOME!!!
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 If he suggested couples therapy, try that and see how it goes.
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