A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Seeing the mature responses by people on this website. I have decided to ask everyone here for a solution. What I am about to ask you is not the plot of a movie but it is merely the misery that I have been going through for the past 6 months.My name is Kyle and I am a 19 year old guy living in the UK. I have had a huge crush on my best friend Elizebeth for a very long time.We have been that inseparable pair of friends that has known each other for years. I first met her when she was just 6 and I was 7 and we have never been apart ever since.So I was in a relationship about 7 months ago when i realized that i was more open, more happy and had more fun being around Lizzy then i ever had with my girl friend. My girl friend..well lets just say she was one of those good looking stuck up bitches. It dawned upon me that no matter what girl i have been with ,Lizzy had always been the one i would have preferred to spend time with. She was the one that i would ask for help and she was the one that i could always rely upon and trust without feeling ashamed or afraid. My ex broke up with me (for other reasons) and i didn't even feel bad because once again i knew i had someone much more special and close to me.Why don't i ask her out? Well it is extremely complicated. I am a good looking guy and have no problem asking any girl out. Many girls ask me out and they do it through, yes you've guessed it. Lizzy!She has thus become the one who tries to find the perfect girlfriend for me. She always choses very decent girls for me to date and to try and find that one special person but for obvious reasons i cant!. I have not dated anyone for +2 months while she has been trying to force me to go out with a couple of girls. What is even worse is that she is seeing someone who i know she should not be with but i can't do anything about it.I really really really am madly in love with this girl and will do anything for her. If i lose her a part of me will die and i will lose something so important in my life. I am so desperate for her that i know its horrible but once i acted drunk after a couple of drinks and kissed her which she just laughed off. Little does she know that it was the best kiss of my life. I feel awkward around her because i calculate the time that i hug her for, to not show how i feel and i have started going crazy.There is no easy solution to this. Dating someone else feels wrong and without her i am incomplete. What should i do? please help me!
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best friend, broke up, crush, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Dude, I think your asking the wrong question. I believe the right question is : can you handle being rejected by her and still be her friend? Shes probably a great girl and I dont think you will lose her unless you start acting weird or stupid.
A
female
reader, aishiteru  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 yeah, I also love this site...okay, back to your problem,You said you'll do anything for her. I'm a girl, so I know how a girl mind works. I don't know her side of the story and like you I also have this friend since I was a kid. I fell in love with him. and she is maybe in-love with you as well.you gotta find out if she's really serious with the she's dating right now. Yet if you think this guys an asshole, tell her but prove it. If she didn't believe you, don't force her. Just stick around a bit, make sure she's safe with this guy.if their relationship works out, you gotta suck it up and don't mess it. But if it didn't work out between them, be on her side. comfort her and be extra sweet and caring.But you know whats the best move to get her,tell her what you really feel.you said your good looking, would you let yourself lose the girl that you love with a jerk.wake up, she might just be waiting for your move.or maybe she's not in love with you at all.but still, as her best friend, she has the right to know your feelings.and you might awaken her eyes. maybe just deep inside her heart she just hides her feelings too.you'll do anything for her?don't lose this girl.haha...I'm seeing wedding bells in the near future.Good Luck.Aja!(its a Korean word for you can do it!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): I'm the girl who replied yesterday :)To be honest, when I gave the advice I did I was speaking from personal experience; I've been in the same situation, except in my case I was the unaware one. When my best friend (he's 21 now and I'm 18) told me he'd fallen in love with me I was rather shocked. I loved him dearly of couse but having never thought of him in a romantic light, I couldn't get my head around it for a long time! But when I reflected on all the trust, the respect, the affection, the understanding, the emotional intimacy and so much more besides which we'd built over time, I realised that those were precisely the things which I'd always longed to find in a partner. So we got together... and months on, I'm so glad we did. I think the only downside of being storgic lovers (storge love, i.e. a romantic relationship that grew out of a friendship) can be a possible lack of passion. For the most part we still have the dynamics of friendship, and do I find it a little awkward at times to be intimate with him in other ways! But that's just me - and I'm sure I'll get over it in time. For all the rewards that being with him have brought me, I wouldn't change anything for the world.Kyle, only you can truly know whether to take the risk or not. My boyfriend admitted afterwards that he'd agonised for a long time over whether telling me would be the right thing to do, knowing that in doing so it could change everything between us forever. Well, it did, but in the best way possible. Follow your heart and your intuition is all I can say. And I hope that if you risk it all, things will work out perfectly for you. Very best wishes!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Original poster here.
My biggest problem is losing her as a friend. I do not rely on anyone more than her as i mentioned and thats what makes it so difficult.. If more people here still push me on then i will go for it and risk it all but i am just asking. Should i take the risk?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I think you should tell her the truth. I know it's often said that coming clean about falling for a friend can ruin a great friendship, but personally I don't see why that should be the case! I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Even if she didn't feel the same, I can't imagine she'd turn her back on more than a decade of close companionship over touching honesty on your part. I'd write her a letter. It'll give you the chance to note down everything you want to say (and since she's with someone else, it's a less "threatening" approach). I honestly believe that it's better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't do... if nothing romantic comes of revealing your feelings, at least you'll know that you gave yourself a chance :) Best of luck and take care!
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