A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys,about six months ago I ended a relationship that was on and off for two years. I broke up with my gf 4 times in the 2 years we were together and mostly for the same reasons. We'd be together for 3-5 months and seperate for 3-5 months.It would be so perfect at first when we'd be together but then certain arguments, habits, the fact that noone in my group of family and friends other than me really liked her.. all of it would start to get to me the more serious we got and as a result i'd break up with her. six months ago i finally decided to put my foot down and end it and cut her off so that we could never get back together. this is the longest we've been apart. havent seen each other, spoken to each other or heard each others voices. I have no idea wats going on in her life and she prob doesnt know wats going on in mine. we live in seperate cities and we dont have any major common friends.I guess my question is two fold..1) if the break up felt so right at the time, then why do i miss her SO much and why do I feel like seeing her again? i think i maybe still in love with her? 2) is it right to end a relationship on the grounds that everyone else who is close to you in your life doesnt like ur gf, i.e. family, parents, friends? At the same time.. I too, did not like her friends. I was in love with her and only her, i enjoyed her company but not her friends company. I have been on many dates and with many women since the break up, I have also made new friends, still hang out with existing friends but for some reason a part of me feels like the companionship I got from her is missing and noone I currently know or meet can seem to fill that voided companionship. But its a strange feeling considering it was my choice to cut off that companionship. I guess a part of me wants to have it back, but with a girl who can also be close to my family and friends. I know my family and friends should love anyone I love, but unfrotunately it just wasnt the case with her and now I feel like im stuck in a situation where my next gf has to not only get along with me but also my family and friends! recently Ive been feeling that I can only like a girl who my family and friends like first..If anyone has some deep insight into this i would really like to discuss..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 October 2008):
Answers to questions:
1: you know that if you get back with her now it will be perfect for a while. You are in a cycle of doing that and you want that perfect month even though you know it will get miserable after a while.
2: it depends why they don't like her. If it was for good valid reasons and you knew deep down they are right, then yes it is right to break up. If it just because you bitch about her every time you have an argument and they've never really met the real her, then no it's because you are weak and being childish with the relationship rather than working out the real problems and then using your friends as an excuse to run away permanently.
In any case, if you are both not mature enough to break the cycle after 4 times of trying then it will not work a 5th time.
Accept that you two were just not meant to be, even if there was amazing chemistry, and don't make the same mistakes with your next girlfriend.
Good Luck!! xx
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