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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: so im currently in a long distance relationship. in the past my boyfriend has cheated , i had broken up with him but later on took him back. Now 4 my ex of 2years ago are speaking once again, i've ALWAYS had these strong feelings towards him that never seem to go away. the year before my EX and i had this little fling going on, i felt REALLY uncomfortable after he tried to make me give him "head" so i cut him off i feel as if he only wants me for sex but i always go back to speaking to him,why? Now my current boyfriend and i seem to really be arguing a lot, i usually pick the fight but now i feel as if i dont care, but. When i think about how much we've been through i dont know if i could adjust to him not being my boyfriend. like if i were to breakuo with him i feel like i would feel weird, not going to sleep to his voice, texting him 24/7, going out,being at his house etc etc.i dont know if im in love with my ex or boyfriend. should i take some time apart and just be single to see if i feel any different or stay with my boyfriend? PLEASE ANSWER i feel as if im on the verge on killing myself " not serious but how i feel" what do you guys think i should do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Dear OP,
I was 16/17 yesterday and in 35 years you will say the same thing. Teens have not changed. I was mature for my age. My mother was married at 19 (and she died at 58 in the same man’s arms) so she was mature for her age as well, clearly mature enough to make a life partner choice that WORKED.
Teens really have NOT changed over the years. EVERY generation just thinks they have. Mine did. My parents’ generation did as well . And her mom, scandalous behavior as well. EVERY generation pushes the prior one. IT’s the way the world works.
Do you know why your generation has to get facial piercings and tattoos and experiment OPENLY with being bisexual or gay? BECAUSE MY generation got double pierced ears that SHOCKED our grandparents and now we have piercings and tats and our kids getting them did not shock us. Because we at 14 were on birth control pills, we had NO STDS that caused death (they were all readily cured with some penicillin back then) and we had SEX openly in groups even…. It was a huge time of sexual experimentation for many.
IT is a younger generations JOB to push the envelope. So you guys are doing it by either extreme behavior or going back to purity and demureness. Same old same old. Read some of our founding fathers (yeah the late 1700s) rants on the younger generation. NOTHING has changed.
In your follow-up before my previous post you said: “i've (sic) now come to the conclusion that maybe im toooooo young to be in a committed relationship.” And yet in your next post you said :
“everyone seems to be mentioning age, i would politely like to remind you guys what generation we're in. kids/teens don't develop as slowly anymore. we are in a more exposed word where we are forced to grow up ahead of time therefore our mannerism and way of thinking and feeling isn't how a normal teen once thought 10-15 years ago. i've ALWAYS been apart of an adult crowd. currently 17 yet ALWAYS and involved/around 20+ year olds. so as of not being ''mature'' enough one can't speak for all.”
So in the span of less than 24 hours you mangage to say you are a. mature enough for an LDR (not that maturity was the issue) and b. not mature enough for any relationship. Pretty big flip flop.
And, like I already said, to be honest the issue with LDRs is not even about MATURITY. The issue with LDRs applies to ALL people… it’s just that TEENS seem to suffer the problems more.
THERE are KEY important issues that must be addressed with LDRs. Note I did not say you were too young for a RELATIONSHIP. I said you were too young for an LDR. That is a big huge difference.
AN LDR (and I did one for a year which was a short distance and a thankfully short time) requires TIME AND MONEY. Something teens are woefully short of.
An LDR where you can’t spend face time together IRL is not a real relationship. AN LDR where you are apart with NO way to see each other in person (i.e. he’s at school or you are) and you are too far apart for weekend or bi-weekly visits) is not a real relationship.
In order to make ANY relationship work you need:
Communication (can be done as a teen)
Honesty (can be done as a teen)
Trust (can be done as a teen)
REGULARLY SCHEDULED VISITS which are very hard for teens to do for several reasons.
Reason one: TIME. When do you have the time to be away from school and home on a regular basis? I could leave work early on Fridays and drive two hours and spend 3 nights away from home every week for nearly a year. I did not have work on the weekends or school work or have to worry about missing classes… I missed a lot of work time but I was able to do so due to being at the same job over 20 years and having a lot of leave available. As a teen I could not miss that much school, my parents would not have taken to me being gone all weekend every weekend nor would they have liked my boyfriend at their home all the time. Even if we had wanted to do it once a month, they would not have approved of a young lady staying with a young man overnight… (so it would have involved being untruthful with my parents and I can’t recommend that)
Reason two: MONEY IT costs money to travel. When my husband and I first started our relationship we saw each other once a month, that was no big deal… then it went to every other weekend, then weekly… Let’s add this up… wear and tear on my car (90 miles each way highway driving) GAS at 3.50 a gallon in a car that got good mileage with a small tank still ran me about 60 dollars… then there were the tolls… 15 dollars each trip…. So we are looking at about 100 dollars per week (tossing in brake work and oil changes) just to spend time together, that does not include cost of food and other things spent during the time we were together. And the train, well that would have been even more expensive… because we did the train a few times…
And finally a definite plan to end the distance gap permanently within 2 years (btw does NOT apply to MARRIED MILITARY COUPLES who I bow down to in awe that they can do long term LDRs with little contact. Thank you to our Military families who suffer being apart).
I do not think that teens or young 20 somethings who are in school or training should have LDRs for many reasons, time and money being the two biggest problems. A plan to end the gap is also an issue at the age of 16 (and him coming home from school for summer break is nice but he’ll be leaving again for school when summer is over… and then what?)
Also, anytime ANYONE regardless of age posts that they are in an LDR BUT THERE’S THIS LOCAL GUY/GAL who has “caught my eye” I know that the LDR is doomed. Because guess what… the only thing I did when I was not with my partner was MISS HIM, not notice the other guys around me…
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneveryone seems to be mentioning age, i would politely like to remind you guys what generation we're in. kids/teens don't develop as slowly anymore. we are in a more exposed word where we are forced to grow up ahead of time therefore our mannerism and way of thinking and feeling isn't how a normal teen once thought 10-15 years ago. i've ALWAYS been apart of an adult crowd. currently 17 yet ALWAYS and involved/around 20+ year olds. so as of not being ''mature'' enough one can't speak for all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Take some time off from both of them, and reflect on the situation. Evaluate your feelings, see who you begin to miss first and the most, then re-think what you feel is best.
Ideally, long distance relationships are hard for even the most experienced of people, so at 16-17, I would avoid those especially. Having said that, its quite rare that people would split from an ex, and then re-establish a long successful relationship with them. The relationship obviously broke down in the first place so something clearly wasn't right, (In your case he was trying to force you into sexual activities you weren't comfortable with).
What makes you think your ex may have developed respect for females during the time you've been apart? To be fair, if he was going to change, he would have done so for YOU, not let you go and then decide its time to change. Its likely he moved on from you and found another girl he thought he could force into doing things she didn't want to do.
Its your decision so we can't tell you what to do, but I suggest you take some time away from them both and reflect on the situation.
Who knows, you may actually come to the conclusion that neither is right for you, and you want to stay single and keep your options open.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2012):
never stay in a relationship just so you don't hurt someone.
and yes at 16/17 you are too young to be LDR...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks i really appreciate. as for the LDR length its for 4 month until im done with school, 58 days left to be exact. but during this time of being away i've now come to the conclusion that maybe im toooooo young to be in a committed relationship. i want to ask him for some time off when i get back but i really dont want to hurt him :/
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2012):
IF you can't figure out which one to be with, then being single for a bit might be a good plan.
how long will you and the LDR boyfriend have to be apart... to me that has a ton of bearing on it... I did an LDR (I've done a few in my day) but the only one that worked, was where we were only 2 hours apart by car, had time and money to see each other and ended the gap with him moving to be with me.
IF you and the LDR boyfriend do not have definite plans to end the distance in a reasonable time frame, consider ending that relationship.
as for being with a man who tried to get get you to give him head (ie he forced and bullied you) is not a good idea either...
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