A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 19 year old guy and I am so confused with my life. I need some serious help. The biggest issue facing me right now is whether or not I am gay. I'm going to lay everything out here and hopefully I'll find some help. So here goes. Since I was young I've always had a preference for my male friends. I have been watching mostly male on male porn for as long as I can remember. About a year ago I began experimenting with guys, and needless to say I liked it. Now I bet you're thinking you already know the answer to this one, well I only liked it as much as anyone would like some much needed contact...it could have been with just about anyone and I would have enjoyed it. Anyway, I do have feelings for some girls. I have never been in a loving relationship with anyone from either gender. However, I still find myself most attracted to guys. I've been reading some things online and the concensus seems to be that feelings such as mine toward guys come from a lack of physical attention from my father (or male authority figures) growing up. This makes sense to me. I'm really just looking for some help, I don't know what I want and it's really starting to bother me. Any opinions or conversation on this would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I have the same problem that you have. I love girls and i would really like to get a date with them, and i get very attracted to them. but i dont enjoy watching them naked. however, i am disgusted by the thought of hanging out with guys and having "it" with them. but i enjoy watching guys naked. I would really like to marry a woman and have kids with her. let me clear this, i get attracted to woman, but i dont get attracted to them sexually, thought i want too.
So...
love to date girls vs. hate to date boys and having "it" with them.
hate to have sex with girls vs. would like to try a gay experment (not sex).
A
male
reader, lboy  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 dear reader,
my best bet would be to say you are still bi-curious or are indeed bi-sexual, you say u have been experimenting and have liked it but some girls still catch your eye but you never say in what way is it sexually or just oh she looks nice, i am gay and still find some women attractive but not in a sexual way, i would say talk to someone about this or maybe just keep experimenting with both sex's you will eventually find out who you are inside, if u need to talk more or want someone to talk with on the subject more often my msn is on my profile page add me if u want to talk. i hope i helped.
good luck
lboy
xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Are you sexually attracted to girls? If a good looking girl walked past would she catch your eye? If the answer is no then you're probably gay. In the end it comes down to sexual attraction - if you're attracted to men you're gay, if you're attracted to women you're straight and if you're atracted to both then you're bisexual.
To me it sounds like you're gay but just having a bit of trouble accepting that's the way it is -- but obviously you're the only one who really knows.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 Hi,
Sorry but its a bit more cut and dried to me. You are definitely gay. Now as Seinfeld says: "Not that there is anything wrong with that".
It seems to be a pattern in the last few years, so many young American's think there is something wrong with them - there is no cure for gayness despite what you may hear, you either are or you aren't . There is nothing wrong with you, accept who you are and live your life.
"it could have been with just about anyone and I would have enjoyed it." To me this just sounds so unconvincing a statement. I'm not saying you are lying its just that it makes you look like you want to convince people you are just experimenting and if the right girl comes along then all will be fine. But be honest with yourself, you get turned on by seeing men having sex and you enjoy it yourself - you are gay. Be proud of who you are , don't deny it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Boys are most at ease with boys, because they are one.
You can convince yourself to be one thing when really, you are not.
SOme say that being gay is something your born with. In some rare cases, I feel this could be correct, but I don't know.
If your lonely and need intimacy, your mind can wander to the point you can convince yourself to do it and enjoy it.
Boys will always hang out with boys and enjoy each others company.
Girls are hard to understand, and if you don't have a proper relationship with your mother, you may not know what you are missing, again, your mind is clouded to the truth.
All boys have problems with girls, it is because for the most part, society keeps us seperated until we are adults, or at least teens, then it is catch up.
You have to search your soul for the answers. Asking your self why you thought or did this may, over time, reveal the truth of the matter.
Being attracted to guys is normal, because you are a guy and guys like doing guy stuff.
It won't be easy, but I think you realize that there is something missing from the equation, and a safe bet is that you are not gay, you just need to clear that out of your head and start thinking of your needs and girls. Girls are not easy, beng friends with them and understanding them better now will help you latter in having a good relationship with them.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I think it is great that you can ask this question here.
I can't tell you if you are truly gay or not, and frankly, I don't think it matters what label you use for yourself. It does sound like you are sexually attracted to men. People are attracted to people for a ton of different reasons (you think there aren't straight girls who date certain straight guys for reasons having to do with how they were brought up?) and in my opinion, and experience, I've found it's best to explore what ever feelings you have and not worry about why you have them. So keep exploring.
Regarding your feelings about women, first I do think that it is very common (speaking as someone who has been out for 10 years and now is dating someone of the opposite gender) for people who are gay to feel something towards the opposite gender -- all of our lives we've been told we should. People can like a lot of things if tey are told they should. Plus, finding people of both genders attractive is pretty normal -- it doesn't mean that you want to sleep with all of them. (And if you did that would be fine).
My advice is just to do what you feel is right. You could sleep with a guy and then decide that you like women. Or not. I do think though that denying your feelings about your sexuality is a really horrible thing to do to yourself. I remember all of the worrying about "am I gay?" "really?" "what will people think?" etc., and once I came out, I had lot less anxiety in my life.
Anyway, good luck with everything. I'm sure you'll be fine.
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