A
female
age
30-35,
*harkadark
writes:Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months now. We really love each other and I know his meant for me. His best friend some what set us up. We are really good friends, we talk and laugh. But now I think I might be falling for the best friend. But only some what. We sit in class and we catch each other staring at each other. Today I wasn't feeling all that great and the bestfriend came up and asked me what was wrong. I didn't say anything. And then in our other class we were going to play a game. I asked him to comeover and he did this cute little no like it was forbidden. Then he wanted me to go over to him (note my boyfriend is in this class). I didn't, so he did a cute gesture of "you're going down". And about 10 minutes later, he was leaning against the counter and he was staring at me. So i looked at him and he did a little eye brow raise (the flirty type). But it was small. Then after class me and my boyfriend were walking together and i saw his bestfriend almost near us. He looked really upset. He normally is happy and laughing. So finally after school me and my boyfriend were holding each other. The bestfriend walked by smiling at my boyfriend and smiled at me briefly. When i looked at him again he was quiet and he looked crushed. The saddest look ever. Note he's a happy guy. so i dont know if i like him or he likes me. I know i love my boyfriend but i cannot get the bestfriend outta my head. I see him everywhere. What should I do? I try not to think of him but i do. Please help. Thanks :)
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best friend, crush, flirt Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sharkadark +, writes (16 May 2010):
Sharkadark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow. When i put myself in adifferent point of view, it really hurts. When i closed my eyes I really felt my heart break. I realized i do love my boyfriend, and just enjoy the friends attention. So i think i am going to just shake loose the bestfriend and focus my mind and heart with my boyfriend. It might be hard but it feels like the right choice. But what if i cannot. what if i cant stay strong? i think i can but what if the worst case senario happens. i still cant figure out if the bestfriend likes me but what if he tells me he does or he does something dramatic? do you think he is interested?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Okay, I hope this doesn't sound mean. But you've only been dating your current boyfriend for 4 months--you can't possibly know yet if he is 'the one,' and this fact is underscored by your flirty attraction to the best friend.
I think you are more attracted to the idea of love and the great giddy feelings it stirs in you, as well as the flutter and huge ego boost you get from being desired by not one, but two great guys. It's a rush, it feels good, it makes you feel so female and powerfully feminine.
It's not a crime to find another guy attractive, it happens all the time. It's what you do with those feelings and the depth of them that tells you where you are in the whole relationship, dating, maturity scale.
You're still a teenager, and let me tell you that there is a whole lot of drama and turmoil in teenage dating relationships, because people don't really know themselves just yet. They are working out who they are, and what matters and what kind of half a couple they make.
You're playing flirty games with this other guy, you're toying with him and it frankly is very immature. I know it's fun and all, and I think you can go play those games, but please don't treat your boyfriend with such disrespect as to keep him on a leash while you play with this other guy. That's kind of mean of you to do.
I think you aren't really ready to be in a fully committed relationship--nothing wrong with that, you're far too young to tie yourself down anyway--so I think these feelings for this other guy are your subconsciousness's way of telling you to lighten up and become single again.
Let's try this on for size. Imagine that your boyfriend was the one who wrote this question. Imagine that he was attracted to your best friend, was making eyes and her and couldn't stop thinking about her. Really truly look at this from that standpoint. Close your eyes and experience your feelings, knowing he wasn't as into you as you think, knowing he was falling for your best friend. He dreams about her, he flirts with her, he looks at her while he's holding you. His body may be with you, but his mind and half his heart is with her. How does that make you feel? How would you react, what would you do?
Let me guess, it wouldn't go over well. I'll bet you're having some trouble imagining it because you can't believe it could happen. This is a test of your empathy and also of your integrity.
Now what do you think you should do?
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A
female
reader, Sharkadark +, writes (15 May 2010):
Sharkadark is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongo for it tisha. i wanna hear what you got to say.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
Do you really want advice on this? It sounds as though you're not really ready to be in an exclusive relationship just yet. I can give you my thoughts on this, but I'm pretty sure you're not going to like them.
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A
female
reader, Sharkadark +, writes (15 May 2010):
Sharkadark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease anyone help! I am 16 years old and i really need some advice.
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A
female
reader, Sharkadark +, writes (15 May 2010):
Sharkadark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I almost told the bestfriend i liked him. He kept asking what was wrong and I told him oh nothing. He called me out on lying. I ended up telling him that if I told him what was wrong, it would ruin alot of things. He's crushed because I won't tell him.
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