A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been with my boyfriend for just over a year now. and now i am 9 weeks pregnant, at first he was happy and over the moon, now he seems so distant. he said its alot of getting use to, but i cant believe he can say that, im the one who is going through it. lately he has been distant, saying he wants to spend more time with his mum,and he says he hopes i dont start getting possesive of him because i will ruin it all but i let him do what he wants... he goes off and doesn't come back for hours sometimes, i sit alone and cry because i want this baby but he doesn't seem happy, i dont understand him, the other day he brought the baby something with a smile on his face, now its like he dont even care he keeps switching and shifts the blame on me. its getting so bad im now considering an abortion, the baby seems to be ruining his life and its all my fault. i dont want to give this baby up, but it seems like the only option i have to make him happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is im still quite young, im 18 but he is 25 and would of thought he would atleast be a man, and actually care about my feelings. he has a well paid job, he comes from a good family, also im looking for a partime job too, so i aint worried about the money side of things. i can just tell he doesn't want this baby, he never speaks about the baby anymore, he did at first. also we have both been to the council to try and get a place together, i have already told him maybe it aint such a good idea to live together because we are not getting on at all and i dont want the baby to suffer and lately hes so snappy and stressy that i feel im walking on eggshells around him, he use to be so nice and caring, now its like im seeing his other side, he aint the boy i fell in love with.
A
female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (25 April 2010):
You seem very young. Do you and your boyfriend live together? Have you made a commitment to each other - eg are you engaged or getting married, or at least planning your financial future together? Did you discuss having a baby and plan it together? Can you afford to have a baby? Can you afford the time off for maternity leave without your income? Will he support you financially during that time? Have you discussed how to bring up a child? What views do you have about discipline, schooling, religion, and so on? How will you manage child care? There's a lot of grown up questions here that should be answered before you decide to have a child. I don't read anything in your question which suggests that any of this has happened. If you just got pregnant accidentally, then I'm not surprised that a young man is suddenly rather shocked at the commitment and impact that this is going to have on him. Maybe he never even wanted children. He's certainly acting like he is not ready to settle down for the next 3 years of getting up in the middle of the night, not going out, being strapped for money, and staying with you for the next 18 years while the child grows up. You therefore have a very difficult decision to make - do you want to have the baby, bearing in mind that you might be a single mum for the rest of your life? Even if he stays around for a little while, it takes a lot of maturity to cope with a relationship with the money and time stress of a small child, so he might go later. If you are already considering an abortion, I would seriously go and get some counselling support to see whether in fact this might be a good idea. You can always try for another baby in 5 years time, when your relationship is steady and you have amassed some savings and more experience in your career.
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A
male
reader, kevinl5898 +, writes (25 April 2010):
your absooutly mad keep the baby ditch the bloke seriously you can do better than some one like that
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 It's all his fault. Any guy who doesn't wear a condom and makes you consider an abortion should be dumped right away. What's sexual education for? Have the baby and let him live with the guilt for the rest of his life that someone else is going to be the responsible step dad.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 April 2010):
There's obviously something going on with him and this sounds like you two need to sit down and be honest with eachother.
I really don't get why keeping him cheerful is your top priority.
What is going to make YOU happy? And don't say he makes you happy because that is clearly not true or you wouldn't be here.
Tell him you want to talk to him and you don't want to argue, you just want him to be honest.
A baby is a big life time commitment so you have to give him a bit of time to take it all in, but he has to be honest with you if he's scared and not leave you in tears of worry.
Good Luck!! xx
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