A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My sister is 32 with a 9 year old child. Until recently, she was with a man, W, for a majority of her child's life. He is not the real father, but my nephew believes him to be. W has stepped up and taken care of both of them. He has proposed numerous times and was very generous. However, she has complained numerous times about how shes unattracted to him as he is on the heavy side, but the dude's 38. Metabolism blows.Anyways, so I live real far away and will be coming to visit soon. My sister recently dropped news saying she had left W and started seeing this young hot guy who's only 23 - a year older than me. He's a supposed software engineer who dropped his full time (after saving up money to survive off of) to go back to school and become a doctor. His stories has a few holes in them to which I have tried googling/Facebooking/Linkedin him for, and I am telling you he is sketchy. It's like this guy doesn't even exist, or didn't until he recently created his profiles. (within the last year at the same time)Anyways, I am uncomfortable with his age. I love my sister and we are very close, but I cannot bring myself to accept how old this guy is. It really weirds me out and I feel like a part of me thinks she is being selfish and not thinking of her child. Another thing to note is we all used to live in one big house. She moved out and W still lives with our family. So my nephew is moving apartment to apartment (our house is very nice) and he hates it. He called me to tell me how unhappy he was and it broke my heart to see my nephew be absolutely miserable because his mother wants to hook up with a hot young dude. W still lives there because my brother (who owns the house) thinks my sister is a sleaze and doesn't care.Since I am coming to visit and probably meeting her new beau, what do I do? Do I try to come to terms with it and accept him? I am not sure why age matters so much to me but it does. We're basically the same age. It might not even really be his age - it might be that I don't think this guy sits right with me after what I heard of him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 May 2016):
 It's your sister's life and HER mistake to make (or not make). I would if you have some alone time with her, tell her to have a good heart to heart with her son.
Other then that... I'd stay out of it.
I get that you you feel W is "better" for her and your nephew, BUT you are not in that relationship, your sister and W were. And she wasn't happy with it.
Focus on your own life. Spend time with your nephew, give him some love and stability. He's a kid and can't really make any decisions. She on the other hand is an adult and can.
If she has done a good job for 9 years with her son, I don't see her dating a younger man means she will stop that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2016): I think you should trust your instincts and I second the background check - a nice thorough one.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 May 2016):
 Your sister is a "big girl" now. Let her make - and live with - her own mistakes.
YOUR place is to be a good brother.... be cordial to whoever she is spending time with.... be a good Uncle to your nephew.... and see what happens....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2016): Spend $50 for a background check on the guy before you get there. You'll have information about him and you'll have some ammunition if he's a creep in a jerk and a flake.
Your sister's been the mother to this child for nine years, they made it together this far, presumably she has some common sense.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I think you are judging this man before you have even met him. It is none of your business who your sister dates, they are both adults so age should not be an issue.
Yes it is hard for your nephew because things have changed, it will be difficult for him trying to get used to his new arrangements. But if your sister was unhappy with W then your nephew would have sensed her unhappiness and this would be bad for him also. The thing is nobody should stay in a relationship because they share a child together. That is not how the world works. Your sister is free to date who she likes. At 38 he was 6 years older than your sister, how come that age gap never bothered you?
I think the best thing you can do is visit your sister have a lovely time and don't judge them.
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