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Frank B Kermit
writes:The 7 Weird Words That Help Define RelationshipsBy Frank Kermit, RelationshipsThere are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships. They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others. The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words. Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words. For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone’s love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy. The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes. There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people. This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms. This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mis-management behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others. You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do…that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship. Frank Kermit is a relationship coach available for private coaching. He is a best selling author, educator, relationship columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the CJAD 800 AM radio program Passion. Come out and meet Frank in person at Frank’s weekly relationship workshops offered every Saturday night from 7pm to 9pm.
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