A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys.For about 4 years now, I've been living it pretty tough... See, I am completely in love with another woman (and that's not even the issue)...My problem is that I don't know what she wants... I don't know if she is a lesbian, but I've a feeling theirs something there. As far as I'm concerned, I know how I feel for her, but have never disclosed this to her. She doesn't know that I am a lesbian. But unless she's been asleep when I'm round her in the past, then she's got to have picked up by now that I'm obsessed by her... It's everything about her.Because we're mates and I don't want to ruin that, that's why I never have told her (and probably never will). A little while back I decided that I'd cut all ties with her (ie: no texts, no calls, no visiting), thinking that this might help me get past this. Problem is she contacted me the other day asking how I was... Of course she doesn't know that I am trying to forget about her, so how do I get past this??I feel that she uses me though, and this angers me because she is so hot and cold all the time....You never know where you stand with her. I reckon she suspects that I feel for something for her, even though I think I hide it pretty well! And so maybe she's playing on the fact that she's got me where she wants me. But why use me? It makes me feel like I mean nothing to her - that I'm just convenient for her whenever she needs attention and to be made feel good. That's not really a 50/50 friendship is it?All I'm looking for is maybe a little advice as to how I could handle this, and maybe in time, how to move on. So if anyone can help me, PLEASE do!Thank you for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, melon +, writes (18 December 2008):
I really feel for you, it's horrible being in that situation. I think that the best thing that you can do for yourself is just to tell her, as incredibly difficult as that may be. The thing is that everybody acts so differently around people they fancy, and therefore you're never going to know for sure how she feels about you until you talk to her. Either way, it's the not knowing that is most painful, you can adjust to either outcome, but you don't know where you stand at the moment. Maybe tell her you're gay first and see how that sinks in. I hope everything goes well for you :-) xx
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (16 December 2008):
 it seems to me that your understanding of how you feel and how she thinks you feel are miles apart. you are living in a fantasy.
to begin with tell her you are a lesbian and gage her reactions from there. this is the first step and if you dont take it you will waste your time and ultimately time is life
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A
female
reader, casanovaxeja  +, writes (16 December 2008):
i know what youre feeling. maybe you should test her, you could stop begin so convenient for her...i would say tell her how you feel, but i know that not easy...so why dont u tease her, and get her where you want her, and if nothing happends, well i guess you know where you stand with her.
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