A
female
age
30-35,
*atieKyle
writes:I have an ex who is also my best friend, its been this way for three years now. I have seen her boyfriends come and go, given her advice on which one's were losers and which one's might be good for her-little did she know that all that time, I myself was the one in love with her. Every boyfriend she's had, I hated them. They were never good enough for her-not in my eyes. I knew they were all temporary though so I held my thoughts and feelings inside. But she had told me once that she could see us married one day with kids...and I told her I could see it too...and now here's where the actual BIG problem arises-she's pregnant with her current boyfriends child and he could care less. They do the whole, "I love you babe" thing back and forth and it kills me. I mean, he wanted her to have an abortion! He's 25 and she's 19 and he hasn't even nearly grown up yet. Every other night he goes out and gets drunk. They fight constantly and he comes home every day and expects her to cater to his needs. He's like a child himself ALL THE TIME.Now she talks to me about getting married one day to this pathetic loser. I knew before hand that I had a time threshold, now its closing in fast. I was too afraid of rejection before to ever tell her what she means to me-but now its like I feel the need to scream it. I know I could give her the life that she wants and needs instead of the life that he is placing her in.So what do I do? Tell her I love her and that she should leave him, or wait ten years down the road when she's trapped in a loveless marriage? Sad part is I keep telling myself, if I've waited three years already then why not ten more?
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abortion, best friend, drunk, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KatieKyle +, writes (27 June 2009):
KatieKyle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who answered me. I am so sorry it took me a while to give you my thanks-I haven't been around a computer in a long time. I did tell her everything...she feels the same way for me as I do for her but she thinks he deserves a chance to see if he'll change. I tell her he wont but I am standing by, still being the good friend I've always been. Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): There's no reason for you to put yourself through that torture of 10 years...that 10 yrs could be better spent trying to find a girl that is single and aware of the the fact that you may like her. And waiting 10 yrs for this girl may work against you...she will change through the years of abuse and neglect and by the time you have her, she will be a completely different woman...not saying you wont love her but it's not something you can just say with words. Besides...who is to say from 10 yrs you will even confess to her? Or much less will she even realize that you love her? If you don't open your mouth nothing will change.
But be thankful you have been this good a friend to her at least and you were strong enough to not burden your feelings on her. But in between her break ups you should have taken a chance to at least let her know how you feel. I don't know why she insists on being with a guy like this though.
First of all you should tell her that this guy is bad for her in the short run and long run...he will never change. There is no real reason for him to be in a relationship with her as I can see he may just make bringing up a kid, worse. And it will be her choice anyway to have an abortion or not. Tell her exactly how YOU feel about him. When you are done getting some realistic sense into her, it may be a good time to tell her how you feel. Tell her how you felt before and how you've woken up after hearing that she wants to get married. In this case, honesty pays but with women I guess the result is never known.
Good luck, and I hope something works out.
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A
female
reader, alishamarie08 +, writes (19 June 2009):
Tell her!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Hannan  +, writes (19 June 2009):
Hey,i'm a girl nd was in a similar situation.Tel her now.U won't b able 2 bear 2 c her in pains.If u re ready 2 tk care of her baby,tel her u luv her nd make her happy nd u ll b glad.Pls save her from dis impendin disaster.Dat guy ll ruin her.
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