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male
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anonymous
writes: I've got myself into a complicated situation and really don't know what to do. I first met my close friend's sister about 4 months ago and we immediately had feelings for each other and the second night we met we were making out at a club. I'm 31 she's 20 so we have to keep it a secret because my friend wouldn't be cool about it becuase of her age. I would have never done this in a million years unless I couldn't help it. Things were going fine until recently when I had hurt feelings that came out badly when I was real drunk, now for the first time since we met we haven't been in daily contact. I apoligised properly a couple of times but it doesn't seem to do any good, what can I do? Is it best just to leave her or should I try and contact her? Feel really bad. I just dont want things to end badly becuase I love her to bits. The situation is complicated and I really can't see how it could possibly survive because of the age gap (even though I wish with all my heart it could) but she is just starting out in life and I'm ready to meet the person I will hopefully spend the rest of my life with. I think I should just let her go but that hurts me incredibly. I can't help but see her becuase we share the same group of friends.. so that will be hard.. confused..help..
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female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 if your having worses and stessing about your relationship you should speak to your girlfriend, because i'm sure she would tell you that the age gap doesnt matter. that she happy in the relationship with you. speak to her, because if you just let her go with talking about the worries first you may find that you made a huge mistake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the good advise, makes sense. Definitely no problem on the compatibility front although I don't really think she understands that completely which makes me think she’s just not ready for what we could be. She has backed off since we first told each other the L word even though she was very much the initiator and we had a great night. We have been in contact now, which helps. I want to go for a drink and talk but she seems scared of facing the issue so I don't want to push her or should I? Any female words of advice?
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A
male
reader, d4u04 +, writes (14 March 2006):
 Ok well 1st of all, the age gap shouldn't matter as compatibility and feelings about eachother are what make a relationship, not numbers. I completely understand what your saying about her starting off in life, but you never know, she could be in the same place emotionally as you. I would very much get in contact if I were you and find out where she is emotionally in a considerate, caring manner. If she is in the same place then go for it, yes it may be awkward at first but your friends will deal with it when they see how you are together, if she isn't in the same place, I know how hard it will be but you have to let her go and do her thing, it will hurt now but if you somehow talk her round into being with you then in a few years time when you will have possibly fallen in love and she decides she wants to go live her life, it will hurt a lot more.
Good luck.
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