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anonymous
writes: I have been in a serious relationship for over 5 years with my boyfriend and things are generally fantastic.The only issue is that I know he looks at porn on the internet. I am not sure if I feel comfortable with this and I don't know why.We have talked about it and he says he will stop looking at it if it upsets me. As I don't want to change him, I have said that if he wants to look, he should go ahead.The only thing is now that when we have sex, I can't help wondering if he is doing things to me he sees on the net, thinking about things on the net etc. I know that he is not being unfaithful or anything but want to understand why he needs to look at porn and learn to cope with it without it affecting our relationship which is like I say, on the whole, fantastic. I love him so much and don't know what to do.Am I overeacting?Thank you Nina
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, F, writes (15 January 2005): Hi Nina,You sound very cool, open-minded, and non-judgemental toward your boy friend and relationship. He's lucky to have you, and since you opened a dialogue with him regarding his viewing habits, you should expect some honest answers from him.I too get sucked into the images and fantasies available on the net. I beleive this viewing can become addictive, just like on-line gaming and chatting. Despite his desire to keep you happy by staying away from it, you're left to wonder how his viewing is affecting your sex life. You certainly can't control what is in his head, but I would suggest you relax about it. Even tho' I do look, I don't love my wife less. The danger is when this viewing becomes all-consuming, and begins to effect your communication (verbal and physical) with your guy.Why not ask him what enjoyment he gets from looking - it could be voyeuristic kicks, or just a curiosity. If he says he wishes your relationship could be more adventurous, then you've opened the door to further communication, which may be beneficial at this point.Good luck, and don't ruin the enjoyment of your physical relationship by fixating on what is running through his head - trust that he loves and cares for you...Cheers.
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