A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Seeing other posts, I think I can get opinion here. Please suggest for below a thing that occurs in my home.Me and wife, 28 and 24 yrs and are married for 3 years.We have good relationship. But due to some suspicion, I kept voice recorders in our bedroom and drawing room. I used to check this on a regular basis. Nothing wrong found. I heard some times my younger brother comes home and chat. Or some of the phone calls.Last week I listened to a recording between them both. It was of intimate nature. My wife was asking him to check for a boil on her back shoulder. He asked her to remove her shirt up. Then I heard a thing from him appreciating her body. She was not hesitant to buy it. But in turn she told what if I remove it all...Nothing more I heard. I plan to ask her. I am bit confused. I think any husband will be confused. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): Have two questions: is your brother by any chance a doctor or goes to medical school? It may explain that bit a little. The other one, is your wife a flirt? I mean does she openly flirt with different people? If both are the cases then you probably don't have anything to worry about.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I can just see this "btw honey, I don't' trust you or my brother so I've wired the house and I'm spying on you. I overhead you and my brother the other day when you asked him to check on something on your back...."
I doubt you will be able to get past the "i'm spying on you"
why in the world did you marry a woman you don't trust?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): yes, I accept with all. I was intruding in a privacy.
I were not in a lookout for a culprit but. Instead I wanted to know is there something happening behind me.
I do not have an issue with this thing about my wife. she is a human being.
I will not keep things in my mind. I can forget it all.
if by any chance I talk to her, I will not mention the recorders.
My only worry is, we are so open to each other. She can tell it to me. why is there a secret????
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): The way your wife acted with your brother was definitely inappropriate.
First off, get rid of the tapes. There's no need mention it to anyone.
If your suspicions have deleted the trust in your marriage then it's time to leave.
Don't rationalize her actions.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Yes any husband would be confused and you should talk to your wife. But putting voice recorders in your home is rather creepy. I hope you had very good grounds for your suspicion and your decision to spy! She's not going to like that at all ...
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A
female
reader, DearJean +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Your unrestrained suspicion and fear of losing control, which you don't have anyway, has brought you deep misery and confusion. Yet you keep recording your wife. You are so determined to find evidence of her cheating that you didn't stop recording her even though you found ZERO evidence. You feel confused now because you doubt your own suspicion about this latest recording. You are right to doubt yourself because you know this suspicion is out of control and unwarranted. The description you gave does not prove intimacy. For your own peace of mind and serenity, put the recording devices away, concentrate on reigniting the passion and love in your marital relationship.
Obsessively recording your spouse grows your negative thinking, rather than put you in the frame of mind to love someone dear to you. In fact it persuades you to love less. The suspicion is a monster you feed daily every time you listen to a recording, searching for confirmation of your negative opinion. Until one day, she does interact with someone, as she has to, and all this effort you put in has to lead to proof. Right? It has to pay off. Right? No wonder you're confused. In your mind you know how unfair it is to suspect your wife when you are now heavily invested in and determined to prove she is cheating.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (26 December 2012):
If you ever ask about that, then you will have to admit that you're creepy enough to put voice recorders in your bedroom and drawing room to supervise your wife. And that you listen to private phone calls and conversations.
Which is a very controlling and paranoid thing. This is even illegal, I think. And it certainly goes against any unwritten law of a healthy relationship.
Maybe your suspicions were there for some reasons, but this seems to have gone on for some time without nothing ever happening, so your wife gave you no reason to continue this crazyness and you should have started feeling bad about it a long time ago.
Now, she flirted with your younger brother once, which is weird, ok, which is not quite like a perfect wife should behave. But the fact how you got to know this is so appalling that it's a bigger danger to your marriage than anything else. Relationships are BUILT on trust, and if it's not there, controlling is no way to fix it.
Before you ask your wife anything, take a good look at what you've become in this marriage. If you distrust this woman to such a degree that you can only feel okay if you keep track of her every move, then you shouldn't be together.
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