A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don’t trust my girlfriend!?She secretive and gets all defensive if I ask her about things.It never used to be like this. She used to be so open, used to tell me everything, I didn’t need to ask anything. It all changed a few months ago when she had a weekend away in blackpool with her mates. She now has her phone locked, deletes messages off her phone before letting me use it, wont tell me where she going or who with at times, and gets phones calls from women threatening her (she tells me they wrong numbers but I overheard one and the woman accused her of seeing her fella).I want to trust her, but something in the back of my head is telling me something just aint right!And now she spending more time with this lad she went to uni with. They were friends and she says that’s all it is. But as soon as his girlfriend left, he asked my girlfriend out for a meal. It was an hour drive so she went, and stayed overnight. I didn’t like this and she knew but still stayed overnight. What really annoyed me was she made me believe before she went that this lad still had a girlfriend. It only came out afterwards that they had just split up. A few weeks later he invited her over again. She only told me about it when I asked if we could go out for the weekend and she said no because she was 'visiting' this lad. And now he just invited her to his house for his birthday and I don’t want her to go cause I don’t trust either of them.I haven’t told her I don’t trust her, but she suspects I dont.She asked my opinion on her going to this lads party.I text "To be honest, i was very uncomfortable with you stayin overnight when you did.But I went along with it for you. Then he just happened to have a spare ticket to a show, and now its his birthday! from my point of view, since his girlfriend has gone, it seems he takin more of an interest in you and wants you there more, which makes me question his motives. I feel uncomfortable with you spending time with him beacause you are an attractive and smart girl, and I dont know if he just sees you as a friend or as more"To which she replied "its his birthday. he wants his mates there. im not stayin and he knows we friends and will be nothing more!"She has totally ignored how I feel and just wants to go, which makes me question why???So now im thinkin, if she not stayin, and this party is at night and still same length of drive, why did she have to stay last time?Also, what has happened that she is certain that he knows they just friends and nothing more?Maybe im just thinking too hard about this!!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I think Army Medic has a good point. If he only is a friend then you two should meet. If she refuses then there is more to it them she is telling.
I truly believe in gut instincts. Mine are rarely wrong. However, once you start to loose trust in someone it's a slippery slope, once you start to mistrust your OWN judgement and your gut, it's even worse.
I think there is more to it then "just" being friends.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Trust your gut. If your body is telling you something is wrong, it's usually accurate. From what you're saying there is definitely something shady going on.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I think you need to meet her "friend" because once you meet him "you will see he isn't a threat at all" I know it's a bit like a dog pissing on a lamp post, but once he actually meets you, you him you can do the whole alpha male sizing each other up, and you can mark your territory (don't pee on her!).
And you never know she might be telling the truth and they are just mates (it happens) and you might get actually get on with him.
If she refuses to let you meet him, well that is when things get a bit difficult, that too me would suggest she has something to hide and may have to be properly confronted about it, and you may want to consider a plan B.
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