A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My dear friends I need advice...Tell me if you this I'm crazy or not...I am a virgin, and the age of 21. Why am I a virgin? because it's my choice. I have had many, many chances to have sex, and yet...I want to waitti marriage. Not jsut for religious purposes, but cuz I simply adore innocence. When I see a girl do something cute and innocent, it drives me bananas lol. But because I decided to wait until marriage, I suffer every damn day! Inside of me, actually everyone, there are 4 powers at work. They are, the Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul.Long ago, before I was clashed against reality, I dreamt of a "true love". She made my world. Now tell me, as many others have, if I am crazy or not...People say I shouldn't stay a virgin, because the girl I'm looking for doesn't exist!!!! I keep a list of what I demand from my "true love"People say she doesn't exist cuz my demands are too high! Yet the funny thing is, it's not that she has to have blonde hair, blue eyes, approx 5'8 etc etcMy list has absolutely NOTHING to do with looks!! Tell me what you think of my list...These are my demands....~ Innocent~ Extremely optimistic~ Extremely Playful~ Adevturous ( wants to travel the world )~ Not vain!! but wants to look pretty, just not go overboard~ Nature lover ( atheletic, likes to go hiking, camping etc )~ Child LIKE! Not childish. ( Acts immature and playful )~ Very mentally mature! ( Drama free, doesn't let things get to her, if something comes up and I miss a date, she will just brush it off, won't flip out if I forget to call her, trusts me fully, even if I go on a cruise with supermodels, she won't worry 1 bit )~ Cannot be slutty~ Awesome personality ~ Non-materialistic ( for those of you who dunno what that is, that is where she has no attachements to material things. She would rather be out in the forest under the stars than have a mansion, and the dollar is nothing more than a piece of paper, it does NOT consume her life...)~ Goofy! silly! ~ Must be christian~ AND THE LAST THING THAT EXCLUDES 99% of all women around the world !!!!~ SHE must be a VIRGIN!!!! and not only that, but BY CHOICE!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@So yea...that's the girl I am waiting for...I have been since I was 14.Now, why I suffer because of my virginity...every day, I see fine girls, and even some that hit on me and give me their number...My body says to "tap that man!" While my heart says that is wrong.My mind sides with reality, and says a girl like that doesn't exist. Reality also has a nice lil friend named regret, and he likes to kick my ass every day.EVERY single damn day, I fight with myself about keeping my virginity! And to makes matters worse, I got a hot co worker that me to have sex with her. When she plays around with me while we are getting drinks, like splashes water on me I always say something playful like, "girl don't make me hurt cha" and she would reply back, "Oooh baby you know just how to make me scream"I act like I shrug it off and laugh playfully saying "ooh rawr" then we go on our merry way. And that's when I get a little ass beating from reality.He usually just likes to come up, and just be like "W-T-F is your problem you lil pussy! go and tap that!!"Then of course comes the imagination of stuff I would do...*sigh* and that's when I tell myself I will wait for her...I suffer every day!!!! If I go ONE day without masterbating in the morning, I basically get hard at the 1st sign of a sexual action.I don't know why, but I many guys think I'm retarded and believe women shouldn't be used as a "hit it and quit it". When I go clubbin, I like to dance and can do some moves. One thing that seperates me from the other guys, is I don't go up and start humping a woman and hope they don't reject me.Instead, if a girl wants to dance with me she will come to me. *sigh* as fun as clubbing is, it's also my downfall. I love to party, I love to dirty dance with girls. Get a lil grab action on, there's nothing wrong with that so long as it's mutual.But what is my downfall, is last friday night, I saw this guy with this FINE ass girl, and she was wearing those short shorts and it was kinda like sweatshorts I guess, very soft, very tight...anyways...He started to grab and caress her ass and of course me being a guy my eyes were fixated for a sec on how soft her ass was! He moved it so smoothly....and omfg that started up the battle! Part of me was saying, dude get urself a girl and u can have that all the time!! While another part of me was saying, don't worry you can do that plenty when you find ur true love. Don't get me wrong, just cuz I'm a virgin me and the gf have 3 other bases we can play on til marriage. cuz I mean cmon, as horny as I get I have gotta have some type of release...heh sad thing is though, I've never even had a "real" girlfriend. I was with a girl for like 4 months but we were long distance and only got to see her very rarely thnx to college.Other than that, I haven't really had a girlfriend. I ALMOST had a chance at my other job in another state. But of f*ing course soon as my co workers found out I was a virgin oh hey there go my chances!!! Seriously that pissed me off, I could've dated 3-4 girls there...I was there for a good yr n half, some left, new girls came etcSo yea, soon as the word spread around my work I was the "lil virgin" in every girls eyes and they wouldn't even think about dating me! I'm like wtf?I am an attractive guy, or so I've been told, so that makes it all the more worse. I recently moved back to my home state, got another job and trying my damndest to make sure no one finds out I'm a virgin, I at least wanta shot at a relationship. Idk how but I got this very innocent look about me that people randomly ask "dude you look like ur a virgin" I just laugh and say whatever.You may ask why keep it a secret? what if the girl ur looking for works there? trust me, nothin but women who have kids and couple sluts and girls that I know aren't virgins there. We get new people coming every now n then and I really wanna at least try to get a regular girlfriend and not have her meet the standards, just to TRY to be normal for 1 relationship.But...I cannot, and WILL not stand drama. I won't deal with the "why didn't you call me back???" hell no. I will ask her to calm down, if she doesn't *click* So yea...lotttttta dramatic girls and that's a big turn off. Hence me not having a real girlfriend...anyways....cuz of my virginity I suffer. The hardest fight I have EVER encountered in my life, is with myself.So if there is someone who actually read all this, what's ur advice? u think my girl exists?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Your respect of God and wanting to follow his teachings really challenges me once more..You're not crazy at all. My brother, he's 25yrs old and still a virgin. He has his values, waiting till marriage, waiting until he finds the right girl. One of the things he looks for in a girl is innocence and love for God. One thing that might be different with you, is he wouldn't rule out those girls who may not be a virgin, although obviously a girl who is a virgin by choice would be perfect. The big reason i think that led him to this is because me being his sister, I'm 20 and not a virgin..You might think straight off, I didn't think my virginity was sacred..you take me wrong. I did. I always believed no sex before marriage.I was 17 when I had a first proper boyfriend. As I loved him, I believed we were going to marry one day. I would do anything for him, but he knew I was a strong Christian, but he wasn't.. The huge problem was..at the age of 17, I still didn't know anything about sex. My parents would cover my eyes even when watching a kiss scene and being 17, I didn't imagine to see anything rated 18..so I had no idea. But one day, my ex-bf asked me if I loved him and trusted him. Of course I said yes (wouldn't you if you were me?) It was then I lost my virginity, which I only realised it was so, days after when he told me what we did and I looked up in the internet. I would be lieing if I say I do not regret my lack of info, but I thank God I learnt from my mistake and He understands which matters to me:) I never realised I would be in this situation so I never thought I should need to know what sex really is until I marry. I'm a very curious person in life, but was never curious in that area. So today I am not a virgin, but I believe, from my experience, it's not whether I am a virgin or not, it's whether I keep my values to the very best or not that matters. At present, to say directly me and my boyfriend has not had sex cos of my values. my present bf is also not christian and doesnt understand me, but he fully respects my views and loves me. I am not here to boast about me as you can read from above..but I can tell you I can be ticked for nearly all the things in your list from what my brother and my bf says of me wanting to find a girl like me, which does flatter me and thank God for it..But I have many flaws, so..the girl you're looking for does exist. you have to go find her though. and it may be, she may not tick all the things in your list, but you shouldn't simply rule her off, just cos of that. There surely would be more to a person than just to interpret it simply as black and white. if you focus your thoughts on God, you'll be great.I truly respect you. God bless
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): If you find a girl with the right kind of sweet personality and spark when interacting with you, and 70% of the rest of your list is there, then take her. It's true that you might do better than this. But it also might take you another 10 or 20 more years of your life to find the better one. At some point you have to decide whether it's worth it to spend the prime of your life looking for your ideal so you can finally have her during your retirement years. And sooner or later everyone else has just gotten tired of waiting too. In terms of holding out for ideals like this, men can actually be MORE stubbornly romantic about it than women. Women are also acutely aware that their looks and fertility tend to peak in their college years. That lights a fire under their seat in a way that guys just don't feel in their 20s at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): If you find a girl with the right kind of sweet personality and spark when interacting with you, and 70% of the rest of your list is there, then take her. It's true that you might do better than this. But it also might take you another 10 or 20 more years of your life to find the better one. At some point you have to decide whether it's worth it to spend the prime of your life looking for your ideal so you can finally have her during your retirement years. And sooner or later everyone else has just gotten tired of waiting too. In terms of holding out for ideals like this, men can actually be MORE stubbornly romantic about it than women. Women are also acutely aware that their looks and fertility tend to peak in their college years. That lights a fire under their seat in a way that guys just don't feel in their 20s at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAh I appreciatte all the answers in which you guys have responded too :).
Some believe I lack relationship experience, and to an extent that is true.
But in actuality, I have moved onward from the typical relationship status. I do not put up with drama, and I would rather not have a girlfriend than one who worries about whom I'm talking too etc etc. I'm ready to look for the qualities of someone for a serious relationship/marriage
And now, I shall give personal responses so I can make sure to recognize those who have given me advice :)
~ cupidguy ~
lol though I know keeping my virginity hinders my involvement with the usual relationship nowadays, but in actuality, I believe it will only make me stronger. Like they always say, the harder you work for something, the more rewarding it is.
Oh worry not I have extreme self control. I never get anrgy, I do not let my emotions cloud my thinking :). lol don't worry, though this path may seem strange and well, never before heard of in today's society, I believe it is the right path. Thank you for your advice :P.
~ Frank B Kermit ~
Also thnx for reading everything. And sadly, my real life money situation is hindering me from going places much :(. During college I lost my car, and since then did work and school back to back, barely being able to keep up with my bills.
I believe though, I will meet her in Florida, and upon my honing of my skills in the area I got my bachelors degree for, I shall be moving down there.
Hmm, I guess in my opinion, innocence is all that she represents for herself. Is she a dreamer? Does she allow greed to consume her life? etc etc. I can usually tell when a girl is innocent by the way they represent themselves.
For example, I want her to be a lady of class, not using profanity; having manners; puting others ahead of herself etc.
And when I say adventurous, I mean I want her to have inner wildness that wants to travel the earth, looking for the next adventure and live life to the fullest. I don't want a girl who just wants to work her entire life just for the sake of money.
And the reason I believe she won't be adventurous to lose her virginity, is cuz I believe she will be smart enough to realise virginity is sacred, and not something to simply throw away.
And don't get me wrong I may have little dating experience, but that is because I have moved on from casual dating and the hassle's it brings. I know what I'm looking for, and if I see a girl doesn't have it...well I will move on. I am saving myself for her, and I also want her to wait for me. Thanks again for your advice :)
~ duskyrowe ~
lol worry not, I am not shocked by your 1st reaction, trust me I get that ALL the time. And I know in todays society being a virgin means nothing to todays women.
And, yes I will pass up a girl if she is not a virgin, that shows me she doesn't have high morals enough to wait til marriage. I also know, that if I don't adherent to my list, no matter what girl I am with, I will always wonder about the "what if"...and that alone would cause my life to be in shambles.
Lol I have had many a clash with the wide world, I have already been on my own, had back to back to back bad things happen, and all the while I have learned how life can be.
And I never did ask that she has no flaws, just that she doesn't have the ones that truly matter. Virginity is a representation of something sacred, not to be given away to some random friend or a guy you date for a couple months. if it wasn't sacred, god wouldn't have asked for us to wait til marriage right? Thanks again for your feedback :)
Last but not least...
~ daletom ~
lol worry not, I will be the same person as I am today in 2 years, that I can guarantee. Worry not, though I suffer, I know it is a good thing. For from suffering comes strength.
And the main reason I won;t be tooo specific is cuz well, I don't know exactly what she will be like, I only know of the traits I want her to have. If I get tooo specific, then my list really will become TOO great for someone to fill.
And perhaps a little more light onto the details of traits in which I look for in her.
Playful ~ Basically that is meaning I want her to joke around, carry herself lightly, never letting herself get too serious ( Unless need be of course ). I want her to treat life as though she were a kid, where everything is great and ya don't let reality tell you stuff like "why be nice to him, he won't be nice in return".
Personality ~ That's just meaning I wanna fall in love with her charmful ways. I won;t list how she MUST attract me, all I want, is that she has the personality that won't bore me. A kind of keep your toes of the edge personality.
Optimistic ~ What I am to the max. I want her to always look to the good side of things, instead of harking on the bad. It is a very rare level of optimism that people can reach, and to attain it, well that shows not only strength, but a strong will that nothing can break.
I myself have attained this level, for example, the night I wrecked my car, I was on the interstate heading to the club, guy pulled in front of me, SLAMMED on his brakes ( wanting me to hit him, prolly for insurance money ) But I swirved to the left to avoid him. But upon swirving so hastely, I was about to hit someone on the far left lane, therefore I darted to the right. And of course, there was someone in that lane too. So, upon knowing I was soon to lose control, I went for the median. Did a 360 and was facing opposing traffic...
But ya know what happened next? I opened my eyes, and immedietly assessed my situation with full calm control. I checked myself to see if I was harmed, only a bloody lip and a few scabs on the face. I got out of the car, and I saw only I had wrecked, and guess what...I was HAPPY!
This is where you say, "Sayyy whaaaattt???"
lol the officer that pulled over had the same reaction. I was smiling when he came over to me. He asked why I was smiling when I could've died, and I just totalled my car!
( THIS is the level of optimism i require she posess )
See the officer did what any regular person would've done, look at the bad and get mad, angry, vengeful at what this person did to me.
Instead, I was happy! Why? I told the officer, though I did not want this to happen, it did, and nothing will change that. In fact, this was the BEST possible outcome!
He gave me a strange look, and so I continued on. I told him, look at me, I am unharmed, I am alive, nothign broken, and msot importantly, I did not wreck into anyone else, I did not take anyone's life, nor put them in danger. This was in essence, the perfect wreck.
He laughed and we turned a sorrowful, bad situation into a light sitaution where everyone, and everything was A ok.
THAT is what I mean by optimism. Sure everyone has a good outlook, but to take it to the extreme like I have, that is what I demand. When people cheat me, decieve me, lie to me, I simply forgive and let go, always looking for the good in people.
But worry not, I am not ignorant either. I live by the quote "Trust everyone, but cut the cards" ( That means trust everyone, but don't get played ).
And funny as it sounds, I did once meet a girl who matched majority of my list. But sadly, she was FORCED to be a good girl all her life, and well...she decided to go to the bad side, and as such, she is pregnant this very day...
lol and no i don't always judge people right off the bat. If a girl curses, that doesn't mean she can't stop, if she get sad and doesn't have the level of degree, we can work on that. I do give girls a chance to show me what they are about. And the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because I have YET to find one girl that intrigues me.
I set up this list not to dehumanize them, but to sum them up as to who they are, and what they stand for. I never sterotype someone and not give them a chance, if I did, that list would truly be pointless.
And yes, I do EXPECT her to ahve a list. A long one in fact lol. I'm sure it will be similar to mine, cuz well, life's great when you're always happy and playful :D.
And one thing I know will be on her list, is a guy who has a dream in this life! And trust me, I have got HUGE dreams ( outside of finding her of course )
Secondary to having a dream, I would hope she would demand a guy who is NOT attached to seeking this dream simply for the money. Though money is good, I would hope she demands a guy with whom though he may earn tons of money from following his dream, he will not posess greed. Instead he woudl rather use the money to help the world. All of that defines me :D
Once I get filthy rich, I WILL donate to charities and help out millions of people. For ya see, I don't let greed consume me. I would much rather help someone out than keep the money...those are just a few things on her list I believe she has.
Also, I do expect her to require her guy to be a virgin like herself. Cuz honestly, what guy chooses to be a virgin nowadays? lol only the ones who believe it is sacred and wants to remain pure :)
And I'm sure she would demand a guy who can keep up with her wild child spirit and wants to explore this earth with her, and in which I can :)
lol worry not, I am not one dimnesional, there is FAR more to me more than my virginity. I just believe that when someone holds their virginity til marriage, it shows a sacred strength not only in themselves, but of their belief in God and his teachings.
You ask what do I offer her?
* A Prince. A gentleman who has morals as in the days of old. Whom treats all ladies with respect, never curses in front of them, holds open doors, would never deciet one with hidden motives, and most of all, would never dream of using women the way today's men do :P
* A man who has huge dreams in this lifetime, and vows use those dreams to better the world.
* To not be afflicted with greed when posessing money. For he has the mature mentality to know life is NOT simply about getting a dead end job and getting money. Money is simply a piece of paper, and it will NOT rule his life with the desire of it.
* Someone who can offer to take her around the world, and spark her inner child.
* Someone who loves and respects her so much, he is willing to wait until marriage to prove she is the only one and special girl who can have his virginity.
* An equal to her. To be her fellow kid on the adventure known as "Life". Not many in this lifetime can harness the secret to eternal youth. It's simple, to get old and not grow old! If you live your life through the eyes of a child, then you will not grow old. You grow old when life has lost it's allure, when the song of adventure and limitless possiblity is no longer heard. When dreams you had as a child die out, that is when you have grown old, and thus lost the secret of eternal youth. Though with age comes experience, never let the past out weigh your longing to learn more. For when that heppens, life no longer seems like an unfulfilled adventure, but rather the end of one.
* A man who is willing to endure with the suffering he recieves not only from reality, from people who believe she doesn't exist, but also from within himself, the doubt and fear she doesn't exist, and is willing to persevere through all the painful years until he meets her. His princess he shall continue his search for.
So tell me ;). Did I explain everything in your questions guys?
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 August 2008):
I hope you come back in two years or so and re-read your post. I'd like to know how you react when you see it again!
No, I do NOT think you're crazy. And I do NOT think you are "suffering" BECAUSE of your virginity. Frustration, perhaps - maybe some confusion - probably impatience - certainly inexperience - and (you're going to get mad at me for saying this)- immaturity. But "SUFFERING"? I doubt it.
Regarding your requirements, I don't think your list is unrealistic. It's actually good that you've thought about these things! In fact, I know at least one girl who pretty much meets all your requirements! (I'll tell you more about her later.)
Let me say a few things about your list. First, it's not very specific. Playful? Personality? Optimistic? Just about every item on your list is a trait that is open to wide interpretation, and can be expressed in infinite ways. Like another reply said, you haven't worked out how all of these things integrate into one person. You may not agree with me - that's OK. As you accumulate life experiences, and as you apply your mental abilities to concepts other than virginity, you will refine what these things mean, how they interact, and perhaps even alter your list.
As you do this I hope you will consider how you will recognize people who satisfy, or fail to meet, your criteria. Not the whole list at once, but each part of it. And then - here's the hard part - find out if you are right. That probably means interacting with people in more than superficial ways. Until you have this kind of personal interaction you are guilty of stereotyping people. Using your list to evaluate people from afar is ultimately dehumanizing and reduces people to things.
Look at your list, from another person's perspective. Does your ideal girl have such a list? Or do only guys have lists of things their potential mates must be? Trust me - she has a list. How well do YOU measure up to HER expectations?
For starters I'll point out that you seem to have made yourself into a professional virgin. It's approaching the magnitude of an obsessive fixation. It makes you an extremely one-dimensional person. Is there an entry on your list for "She must be pleased with a one-dimensional person."? What else do you offer her?
Contrary to what you may believe, you are NOT the only 21-year old virgin you know and it's NOT something other people can recognize until YOU make the point of telling them. And even then - it's NOT a big deal to them unless YOU make it supremely important.
Are you projecting this kind of obsession on your desired girlfriend? If so, you have reduced both of you to sex objects. That makes you not much different from the hedonist guy (or girl) who sleeps with a different partner (or two, or more) every day - you only view people in the light of their sexuality.
As you know, there are two kinds of people:
- Those who see people as complex, unique individuals with inherent value, and
- Those who place people into two categories.
Which kind are you? Which kind is your ideal girl?
OK, if you're still reading this, let me tell you about the girl I know who meets your requirements. Sorry - she's taken. I married her over 30 years ago. (I should probably mention that she likes guys who are a bit of a tease. Does that fit under "playful"?) And we were both virgins when we married, at age 23. Before you dismiss that with some kind of "that was then - it's different now" remark, consider that:
- My generation (the "Baby Boomers") almost invented casual sex
- We were the first to have easy access to safe, effective, inexpensive contraceptives
- We changed Hugh Heffner from the publisher of a sleazy pulp magazine into a multimillionaire
- We declared the "Summer of Love" (1967)
- We made Woodstock
- We coined the phrases, "If it feels good, do it!" as well as "Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll!".
Sort of puts your parents into a diffeent light, huh?
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Darling I have just read your list and I must say that I am totally gobsmacked. Unless you have a magic wand and create this girl from thin air, then I think finding this girl will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
You have to be totally realistic,and compromise a little with whatever girl you meet. Picture this scenario....
You meet a lovely girl, who has a fantastic personality, looks, smile colour eyes/hair blah blah blah and you fall for her head over hells. Then suddenley she is NOT A VIRGIN or she is not a nature lover or whatever you have on your list....... Then what??? You are just going to pass up on a chance with this girl because she does not live up to your expectations???
It seems you have a lack of experience with the big wide world and asking a little bit too much. Try keeping an open mind about people and look at the much BIGGER PICTURE. Instead of being cocooned in your fantasyland in hope to find the perfect girl... Nobody is perfect, we all have our little flaws INCLUDING YOU my dear.
I am a 40 year old woman with a little bit more experience and I can tell you that I am mature to accept people as I find them.... especially potential partners. As long as he has a good heart and great respect for me and other people, that's all that matters. Despite his preference of music, hobbies interests and also his past relationships, its the future that counts with that person not the past.
So please think on with what I have said and take into account what is inside a person's heart and mind and not whether they tally to the finest detail of your list that you have made about your ideal girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): To add with my own personal experience, I had a boyfriend who was just like you. When we started dating, he was pretty much a virgin (I think he had sex only once before) and he was 24 years old because basically, no one was good enough for him. He was a VERY good looking guy so its not like he couldnt get more than half the girls he wanted.. but no one was his "ideal"..until me. Also like you, he had his christian values.
As flattering as it was for me, eventually over time it led to more of a downfall of the relationship than making it stronger. First of all, no one is perfect and no situation is perfect, but you work at it and make it better. However, because he was so dependent on fate and his "ideal" girl/situation/etc, he didn't know how to deal with circumstances that weren't in his perfect plan and eventually broke up with me because he couldnt control the situation enough - something that any other guy would have dealt with in a couple of days. Second of all he was very inexperienced in terms social and intimacy terms. I loved him very much so I looked past those, but it was very difficult for me, because frankly, never having been in a real relationship he had the maturity of a 17 year old boy when it came to how to handle a real relationship. He was 24. And third of all, after realized that sex is kind of awesome, I think he started feeling very self conscious that he's been missing out on all of this while his friends are screwing around with lots of girls... so my very catholic, very pure, very idealistic e-boyfriend is out having sex with 19 year old girls and probably having the time of his life.
The lesson here is that its great that you have these ideals and its very admirable that you aren't just willing to settle for any girl, but when you live in an idealistic world, accepting reality is a skill, and even if you find a girl that fits all of those qualities, its still not going to be the perfect relationship that you have in your head and you're not going to be experienced enough to deal with it. So while your ideals might find you the perfect girl, they can also make it very likely that you will lose her very easily - just like my bf did. So its okay to dream, but you have to realize that life happens in reality...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): Well I for one applaud you for holding to your virginity. However I'm not gonna touch the other part about you findng your perfect girl with every single one of thoe qualities.
Good Luck though!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Is it possible that she exists? Maybe...however it is up to you to ACTIVELY seek her out.
Where would a girl like that go? Where would she hang out? What events would she be at? What organizations would she join? Where would she work?
And most important: DO YOU ACTIVELY GO TO THOSE PLACES?
If you know what you want, that is only half the equation.
The other half is to do the work to find her. It is not her job to find you.
Lastly, some of your criteria are realistic, but others are not. I will not say which ones because I want you to think for yourself. Here is a clue: The more vague your criteria, the harder it will be to find her. (Innocent? of what?...too vague. How do you quantify innocence?)
On the other side, the more specific you are, then you have to question how realistic it is. You want a girl that is not a virgin (OK), but you also want her to be adventurous...well someone who is as adventurous as you seek, might be adventurous enough to lose her virginity.
Anther point is that you want her to be a virgin BY CHOICE, and not some other factor. That is REALLY specific, but to find that AND have her be very mature by still very playful and silly.....do you see any contraditions here?
I run seminars for adult male virgins through my website http://www.franktalks.com and sometimes a man choose to be a virgin as a means of creative avoidance to stay out of relationships altogether. Every relationship comes with a little drama because we are all imperfect human beings. I understand wanting minimal drama, however you lack any relationship experience so you simply have nothing to base your criteria on... and THAT will wreck your chances more than anything.
I would suggest that you date, date and date as many women as you can so you can figure out what is and is not realistic in the women you attract. If you do not want to have sex with them, then don't, but still date. Your call.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): Your list of an ideal partner is rather exhaustive. I also think that having a list in which all boxes have to be ticked is yes, idealistic, which can be good, but also unrealistic. What if you meet someone who is not necessarily a nature lover? And what is an awesome personality? If you have so many criteria which need to be fulfilled then you will be looking for a very long time- nobody's perfect, even though you do seem to have a somewhat elevated opinion of yourself and the chances you could apparently have had with numerous girls. Do you really think they don't want a relationship with you simply because you are a virgin? If they are virgins themselves- which is what you want in a girl- then surely it wouldn't matter to them. I do applaud you for having ideals, but if that means that you then end up staring at couples on a dance floor and then sharing your thoughts about the softness of the woman's ass then I'm not sure that there aren't some double standards going on here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): i actually did just read all of that :D lol must of took a while to write :P but anyway!
i wrote a reply on someones question yesterday who was on datin sites and i told him, i am a very strong beliver in fate. everything happens for a reason and everyone has theyre 'miss perfect' one day you will find this girl you want, she might not meet every single one of your 'demands' but she could be the perfect one, maybe your expecting too much of this dream girl, maybe she does exist, maybe she doesnt, no one knows. your right in keeping your virginity if you dont want to loose it, your virginity is a very very important thing and you should never rush into sex with someone you dont have strong feelings for. im sorry ive not been much help to you but one day you will meet this true love of yours and although she may not be everything on your list, she will be perfect to you, dont worry :D have fun and good luck :D x
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