A
female
age
30-35,
*hereisthelove94
writes:Recently I've split up from my boyfriend of 2 years. We loved each other a lot and were inseparable. We spent so much time together and talked a lot about our future (i.e. kids, moving in etc). We were one of those typical love-bubble type of couples. We promised we'd love each other forever, we'd never leave etc etc, but somewhere down the line it turned bad and we changed as people, him for the worse. We were best friends, and were SO SO SO comfortable around each other to the point where doing gross things would be the norm. We clicked instantly when we met each other and there was a connection there that i'd never had before with any other person in my life. Long story short, we broke up, he found someone else (real quick so i suspect its a rebound unless they were seeing each other before), lied to me about her and continued to see me while he was with her. I found them out and he chose her over me, despite planning to get back together with me and telling me he loves me the day before I found him with her. It hurt a lot, but I made a promise to myself the day he chose her that there would be no more tears, and I've kept true to my promise. It doesn't hurt now as much as it used to thanks to NC, but it still hurts to see the love of my life chose to be with someone else when he promised to love me forever no matter what. Some days are okay and some are not and the smallest of things can remind me of him.I'm really afraid now that no matter what happens in my life, i'll never find someone who i can feel so comfortable around again, no one who will make me feel like i can be completely myself and not get judjed. I know this is just the break up talking but i'm just so so scared ill never find a connection like that again.Can people please reassure me? Any stories about finding love again when it seemed impossible would be welcome.. :)Thanks,Sophie
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (6 August 2013):
 Yes, you will find love again, but don't rush into it. Take your time to work through your feelings, and don't contemplate getting together with anyone else until you're over your ex. Getting together with someone on the rebound is a bad idea.
Enjoy being single for a bit. Take up a new hobby. Enjoy the time you have by having fun new experiences. Build your confidence up again and it'll just be a matter of time.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 Every time I've been dumped by my "girlfriend"... I've PROMISED myself that I'd "never love another girl, again"... and EVERY TIME... some hot little strumpet comes along and gets my attention.... and comes home with me (or takes me to her place)... and you-know-what happens... and I believe that I have, finally, found the love of my life... (again!).....
That has happened about 8 times, now... and I'm not sure that it will ever end....
Does this help???
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 August 2013):
When I was your age I met the "love of my life". She turned out to be pretending to be who she thought I wanted in a girlfriend. I thought she changed, but she was really showing her true self. When we broke up I was upset because I thought never find someone else with her positive qualities.
The truth is, I didn't. But 6 months later I met another girl and we took it relatively slow, but eventually fell in love. She made me forget the other girl even existed and redefined love for me. She wanted to get married, I didn't (too young) and that seemed to cause our relationship to fall apart. Again, I was upset and convinced I'd never find another girl like her.
And again, I didn't. But, I found an amazing girl and although we weren't meant to be and eventually parted ways, she proved the saying about plenty of fish in the sea.
After her I met the woman that would become my wife. We fell in love pretty quickly, and today I feel sure that she is the love of my life.
What's always helped me get over someone is a couple of things. First, don't assume that there must be something wrong with you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to figure out how to be a better person/lover, but there are some things that you just can't change. The right person will love you for who you are, faults and all. The wrong person isn't "wrong", they're just not compatible with you.
Second, remember that there are billions of potential mates out there. I say billions because you never know where you could meet your future mate; I met mine while adventuring in Guatemala. If someone broke your heart, then clearly they weren't perfect for you. The perfect guy will not break your heart.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (6 August 2013):
 It is very common to feel that way after a break up. Everyone does. You are scared you will never meet someone who makes you feel that way again, someone who clicks with you the same way, or scared you won't meet anyone in general. We all have fears after a break up, fear of the unknown being a big one. I'm going to recommend a book to you that may help- How to Survive the Loss of a Love. You will see you aren't alone in your feelings and they are shared amoung everyone in your position.
I have stories. I was in love with a guy when I was 18. My first love. Planned to get married. Well we didn't make it. I honestly don't remember completely why anymore, which is a great thing because you will end up the same way one day. You will be able to see him and feel nothing. It will just take a long time. If he is your first love it takes longer than the rest. Well anyway I met a new guy, and another new guy, and neither worked out. But I loved them too. I was able to move on from the first and find love with other people. I ended up getting married too. Though we aren't in the best situation right now, I know from my past that I can meet someone else and fall in love. And the fear of never meeting anyone else is always there after a break up, but after having been through it, it isn't as terrifying.
Once you grieve him and move on you will be fine. It didn't work out for a reason, someone else is out there for you who is better for you. All will be well in time. And you can look back on this post years from now and smile to yourself that you got through it and feel nothing anymore. I had a post on here many years ago where I was just devastated by my break up and thought I'd never move on. But I certainly did. And so will you.
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