A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi There,Really complicated one this is, hoping you can help me. Last year i slept with a colleague from work who is a manager she was 39 at the time and i was 25. We hadnt spoken to each other after the night this had happened albiet me briefly going over to her the day after just to reassure her i would never say anything to anyone around the office, just that she could trust me. Well weeks passed and i noticed she had a facebook acct so i added her, she accepted.Conversation started quite lightly and then pretty flirtatous and she also thanked me for never mentioning the night that we had slept together and that she appreciated it.We became very close and began meeting up after work on the days she wasnt looking after the children. Everything appeared to be going really well until toward the end some nights i got the impression she was backing off when i was wanting to go back to hers to stay over (would normally only see her 2 days a week)i have to say by this time i had began to really fall for her and i think she picked up on this and one night she had text basically saying ''we are so close in so many ways, and that she just wants us to be mates.The texts stops, all calls everything, I had the worse xmas ever not knowing what went wrong, what it something i done? i was devastated especially as she was passing me in work every day which made it ten times harder. I began to try and pick myself up over the next month, but wasnt completely over her. One night after work i had been sent a text by her, (an excuse i gather just to get back in contact with me)The contact continued and texts and we became very close again joking texting each other all day every day and talking on the phone when i couldnt see her.Over xmas when i wasnt with i was that down over new years day i had been sat at home alone, i went out to my local club thought im not sittin at home on new years eve night alone so i went out to enjoy myself and try and feel a bit better.I met a girl that night she came back to mine and we had slept together. Had never seen or spoken to her since. After me and my gf were back together speaking and close again, about 3 months later i received a text from this girl i had met over xmas propositioning me. I was drunk and knew i wasnt ever gonna go behind my gf's back and sleep with this girl, god knows why i done the following though think it was coz i was drunk and thought i'd push my luck. I asked her for a picture, an intimate one at that and she sent 2 back. I never met up with her that night and hadnt had any contact whatsoever, what i didnt do was delete the texts....Any nights i had been out with mates i have never looked at any other girl in that way or done anything behind her back although i was beginning to become annoyed at the number of texts i had started to get from her ''that was a quick pint you pulled? hahaha'' or ''your date shown? lmao'' just a couple of many did make me angry thinkin i was having to answer to em so i began to ignore em. Well, about 3 weeks ago i was round at hers and she had gone through my phone and found these pictures. I told her the girl i wasnt seeing anymore told the whole truth about that and that it was over xmas when we were not together. But didnt tell her i asked for the pics. As soon as light came i was out of her door no kiss just a comment that its over. I've spent the last few weeks in hell doing everything to apologise, admit i had made a mistake and that i love her (which is true) i care for her dearly the other girl meant nothing to me after the night when i'd text to speak to her saying i was annoyed she had even gone through my phone she replied with a pic text message of sum guys D**k with message 'got this tonight of sum guy thats never touched me' of course i was heartbroken but i tried to put the emotion to one side. We hadnt spoken for about 2 weeks and i decided to send her some flowers just to say sorry, she text back askn if they were from me and thanked me for them at the end of text with 'nothings changed' The content of some of the texts she had sent me intially were upsetting and shocking, very angry in fact. I'm hurt coz i know i would never of slept with anyone behind her back and this stupid thing had cost me my relationship..she had told me she will never forgive me and that she doesnt hate me she doesnt have any feelings for me whatsoever albeit she text me after my football team lost recently, saying the better team won!! i dont understand why she doesnt feel able to forgive me, although she hasnt been ignoring my texts shes a very strong minded person and thats what scares me coz i think she'll do this out of principal to prove a point and never see me again, she knows i havnt slept with anyone but its her point that i was textin askd for the pics and kept them.I see her every day in work and it kills me to know my intentions are genuine and im not the b*stard she thinks i am. I'm now getting paranoid thinkn the real reason was she has been texting that other guy and seeing him, using the text as an excuse to dump meThis is eating me up, hope you guys can help me....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): The answer is in the previous responses to your questions and you are not taking the advice to heart and you keep playing her game of texting and insults.
Cut the loser loose. Have some pride and self esteem and stop giving her the attention she seeks and look for someone how is more mature and I am not talking about age here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,
Just an update on the situation, we had been texting and joking again then the jealously started again with direct insulting text messages when my mate was around last night, i can she now she has no trust in me and i am not doing anything to warrant this. I asked her this morning why she thinks theres more to what she already knows and that we were getting on so i couldnt understand why she was trying to turn nothing into something last night and that i wanted us to meet to talk. She replied saying we might get on but theres nothing else going on and she didnt want us to meet to discuss anything because she doesnt believe a word i say so it would be a waste of her time. I replied questioning her not wanting to believe what i say. Then she went on to talk about pictures again and how i had lied to her. I havnt responded to this. Shall i just leave it now and cut all contact with her? i've tried my hardest to rectify things between us and have never mentioned the picture on her phone or lowered myself to that subject questioning her while she has been picking holes out of everything i say.
I give up...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the reply,I agree with what you say, sending that picture to me has really hurt me and threw all my emotions into turmoil and can't believe she had sent it to me. How would that picture be on her phone so soon?, did she delibrately go to seek it from a guy she had a history with or is still seeing occasionally? we've been texting today and they've all been friendly and we've had a joke with no anger directed towards me, but now they've suddenly stopped i'm automatically assuming she's busy texting or speaking to this guy. I really don't know what to think, to think it's innocent or that she actually is doing what she wants and using me now..
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Texting takes the minimal amount of effort and doesn't mean that she is wanting to get back together with you.
She still sounds really immature what with all the "joking" and curse words.....so that is why she won't "let it go".
If it were me, I would stop texting her or answering her texts. Don't contact her by phone or email either for at least 2 to 3 weeks, give her time to think about things and wonder if you have lost interest or what you are up to.
If she doesn't contact you by phone or in person, then I guess you can give her a call to take her temperature.
But I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, you offered an explanation, it was supid mistake and you apologized, what more can you do at this point. Seriously, she had a similar picture on her phone of a guy, I know she said it was nothing, but I for one don't get nothing pictures like that from anyone...I would be offended because I think it is childish, stupid and gross. And it someone I was dating had pictures like those on your phone, I wouldn't lower myself and show similar pictures to you, and I would also question your maturity level which would make me back off. In her case I don't think that is it, she has proven herself to be quite immature for her age.
Possibly you can do better and behave better next time you meet a woman you like a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted just to mention that i was seeing my gf when i asked for the pictures, but there was no intent or motive for doing so as i said i was just drunk and pushing my luck. God only knows why i asked because i didn't meet her that night and never had no intention of doing so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys,
thanks for the replies they have been really helpful. I am beginning to see that she does have a lot of anger, over the last couple of days we had been texting casually mainly nice, friendly texting asking what we had both been upto and even joking. She had still been throwing in the odd sarcastic joking text in relation to the 'pictures' which began to ring alarm bells i really have beginning to feel she was doing this to get to me. Last night we had been texting again everything good and well, until she brought up why i had kept the pictures again. I told her that there wasnt a reason whatsoever, they were just on phone memory and i had actually forgot about them. She became very direct and basically told me to f**k off and that i still can't be honest. I'm at a real loss now guys tearing my bloody hair out feeling helpless, whatever i say is picked apart, what does she want me to tell her??? she ignored the one text i've sent today just saying. ''Good mornin, u ok?'' and hadnt replied, i've just been into my pub having a drink with my mate when i received a joking video from her it was of an intimate but subject matter being of similar origin to the 'pictures'. I just replied laughing, she responded 'knew u'd like that' yet again another reference to the 'pictures' what is wrong with her guys, why can't she let this go and is trying this hard to make me feel worse as she can by basically playing me for a fool. It feels as though she almost playing with me now to make herself feel better although i must be on her mind for her to be texting...otherwise she wouldnt bother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): I am confused, at what point did this manager become your girlfriend?
It sounds to me that you are both a bit cavalier and promiscuous and that you were never really in a commited relationship.
If she won't accept your apology or understand about the pictures, then there is nothing more you can do....she sounds childish and mean and I think you are better off.
It is a really bad idea to date a superior at work, she can have you fired just because she doesn't want to look at you every day....
I would drop this and let it go for the sake of your job...just ignore her when you see her or say hi, and quickly walk on.
There are plenty of girls out there who are nice and would be interested in a relationship, but first you have to find one who doesn't just sleep around, those girls are not looking for a relationship, but for a fling or a one night stand.
I wouldn't take this personally, she sounds like a royal pain in the ass.
Move on, mate.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 This is an unfortunate misuderstanding. And even more unfortunate, is the fact that your lady friend does not want to accept your side of the story.
Remember, all she saw were pics and you asking for them. Despite the fact that you told her does not change that she saw it first ...before you said anything. And granted...fair enough, all this happened when you guys were apart. But it is hurting her just the same and she feels betrayed somewhat. So that trust that you two had is a bit ....less.
She says she will never forgive you and all your efforts of flowers and such are not working at this point.
My advice is this, I know you love, miss her and want her to see your side. She is angry and hurt, her feelings are blinding her right now. Lay off your efforts for sometime, be professional in the workplace and leave her alone for a bit. Give it time....she needs to feel comfortable again with you. Give her her space to come to terms with her feelings and to let the hurt subside...and let her come to you.
If she does not come to you, then I am sorry but...you need to count this one as a loss and move on. It is hard but she has to make the decision. Forcing her isn't going to make things better right now.
Hope this helps
Take care
Ana
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