A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 26 years has been having an affair for the past 11 years. She is a woman he used to work with and though each has changed jobs they have been carrying on going on his business trips together, meeting up somewhere locally, renting hotel rooms, he's bought her gifts using our funds and started her up in her own business. He travels for a living and so I was none the wiser. Worse yet, when they were at the same company I was actually invited to attend parties where she was present. I confronted him-more like badgered him for 4 days and he finally partially admitted the truth. I threw him out that night changed the locks and will get a divorce. Someone help me understand why if he has been with her for 11 years (helped her through some hard times)why is he all over me now to come back to a marriage that he abandoned for so long? He calls constantly and wants to work it out. I don't get it- everything I know tells me they must love each other so why does he want me now that I've thrown him out? We have two college age children. Why is he so desperate to come back when he has her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): If you take him back he will be back with the 'other woman' within days. I know this because I WAS the other woman to a man for 10 years and his wife rang up and left a message on my mobile on day and said i was welcome to him. The thing is I didn't want him full time - and so really the affair was convenient for both of us - so it continued - and he begged his wife forgiveness. It was actually quite pathetic to watch him and I realised I had no respect for him anymore and my self esteem had improved - I didn't need him. In the end I found someone else who I wanted to be with and the affair stopped. Mr Married begged me for months but I knew he would not leave his wife it was pointless it made me realise I was ready to move on. My guess is that he does not see this other woman as a full time commitment - the commitment was your marriage. Some men just need both. Maintain your position for as long as possible now you have chucked him out. In the meantime you need to get out there and meet new others - male and female - in a general social context. I think it is way too early for you or him to make any decisions about reconciliation and you need some fun time right now. I am amazed you have coped with his affair for so long. I think getting back with cheaters rarely works anyway but thats just my view - trust has gone. Why go back when you could start fresh with an exciting new relationship without any lies or cheating baggage. Don't feel sorry for him. Feather your own nest.
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