A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I have always had a close relationship with one of my closest guy friends. We have always shared information or given advice about our relationships and other things along those lines. We have been there for each other through thick and thin but lately, we have both been feeling this attraction to each other that we can't help. (We tried dating once a long time ago but an unavoidable obstruction prevented that). He is a very very mature guy and he has a job, he pays for all of his own stuff and for a college student he is very independent. However, he has never been good with commitment. He tells me all of the time that he could see his life with me but then he changes his mind and will focus his attention on a "temporary crush" to try to get his mind off of a serious relationship with me. I don't know what to do. I am so confused by this whole situation.A spin on this situation is that I am in a relationship with a guy who I've been with for quite some time. We have always been "comfortable" in our situation but the past few months we have been arguing constantly and I am not sure I can handle this much longer. I had been trying to get the courage to take a break from him before my friend and I started to get these feelings.I guess I am just in a screwed up situation but I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. My current boyfriend is someone I think I could "settle" for being with for a long time because it is very comfortable; however, my good friend is scared of being in a committed relationship one day and then the next he does want me. Anyone been in this situation or have any advice? Thanks so much!
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (10 February 2008):
 Ok from the way that you worded the part about you current boyfriends basically is sayin that you are not really happy with him. Something is not there that you want if you are just going to settle with him because things are comfortable. Maybe you should try to fix the problem if its something that can be fixed. If not move on.And because your friend you like and he shares similare feelings doesnt want to commit and you are currently with someone and seem to be happy then chances are that very well explains why he will one day really want you and the next he doesnt.And he does this because he cares about you and wants to see you happy even if it makes him unhappy so he hides how he feels. And why he dates a crush is he is basically using someone to take his mind off of you and heal. I know many people who do this and i have been tempted but havent done it because it often times leads to hurting the other person and it doesnt really heal you its like asprin, it doesnt cure the cause of pain it just covers it up.And if he did this while you were single then he is just afraid of commitment which is a very common among males. And it becomes even more common the younger they are. It can sometimes go away with time when he is happy with who he is, or it could never go away. So go with which one you think it is and decide on you actions accordingly.Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): hmm i seem to remember this exact same post before oh well i will say the same thing you shouldnt have to settle for anyone especially if its just because its comfortable if you have feeling for him you should explore it you should 1. Find out if you truly feel the way you do 2. Find out how he really feels (remember he may be relunctant because you are dating someone wich could be one reason why he likes you one day and not the next because he doesnt want to put you in a compromising position)3. Explore the feeling if both of you feel the same-michael
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