A
male
age
51-59,
*ndrew29_32
writes:Hi Doc Love My name is andrew - I'm 36 years of age - divorced and have been single now for 4 years. In that time I have one 18 month relationship and have dated quite a lot of woman ( when I mean dated - what I mean is that I have taken a lot of woman out for dates ). I'm quite a successful guy - solvent - partner and director in a large import business - sporty and athletic - I'm a triathelete - also go to salsa quite a bit too - I know my way around the dance floor. Since August last year I have been dating quite a lot. This does not mean that I have sex with a lot of woman - I can't do that as I need that emotional attachment before I have sex. I have taken approx 24 woman out in that time. The majority of them were interested in me and wanted to pursue things further, but I wasn't interested in them. The type of woman that I am attracted to is not just for their looks - but for their brains and what they have done with their lives. I took Alison (who is a doctor) out in the first week in April this year and we got on really well - a spark happened - at the end of the evening - we were kissing like teenagers. I then had to visit the far East on business for 3 weeks - during that time we texted 2 to 3 times a day and spoke regularly on the telephone. I made a real effort (for example - she was doing the 3 peaks challenge and I asked her to text me to make sure that she was ok - she did this when she finished - it was 2.30am in the morning , so I rang her just to see that she was ok ) Things started to go wrong - when I came back from the far East - I landed on the Friday (she knew this) and she wanted to see me on the Monday (this I thought a bit strange) - we went out on the Monday evening and once again had a lovely time - once again kissing like teenagers at the end of it - I asked when I could see her again and she said a week on tuesday - (this seemed strange to me) - we kept texting each other and talking on the phone etc as per normal - but she did seem slightly distant - I took the afternoon off work and we went walking my labrador - we went for lunch etc and finished at about 6.00pm - I asked her dinner and she said that unfortunately she had things to do...So off she went home..(once again this seemed strange to me and couldn't understand it) - she could tell that I was slightly annoyed - she likes texting a lot by the way and not speaking on the phone, which I also find to be a little strange...... We then had another date - once again about 4 days from our last date - on this date she told me the following Her ex had got in contact with her - and said that he couldn't live without her - this was a guy that she had been seeing 18 months previously and she had dumped him (apparently he was very possessive and jealous - so much so that he used to look through her wardrobes checking that other men were not hiding there ) - so she dumped him - apparently she was so upset about it - she went to New Zealand for a 6 months locum to get over him. Her parents did not like him . Her sister did not like him etc etc Apparently she had met him for a coffee - and he declared his undying love for her - (he is in a 9 month relationship with another girl) - so I said well you have to do what you have to do............I don't want to break up with you as I really like you - but ultimately the choice is yours........ We then fixed another date at my house with me cooking dinner for her We had the dinner date and well one thing led to another and we ended in bed together....I have to say it was possibly the worst sex that I have ever had - from my point of view - it was she was having sex with me as a thank you for taking me out - here is your reward - there was 0 emotional attachment from her at all........ i asked her to spend the night - but she told me that she couldn't as she was going to a wedding the following day and had to be there at noon ( it didn't make sense ) - then she left I didn't hear from her the following day and I have admit I didn't call either - she then texted me on the sunday - could we have a chat - then she rang me She told me that she still loved her ex and her mind was messed up - but could we still be friends - I said (honeslty in a nice way) - that no we couldn't be friends as i would always want more than that - so she said she understood and she was sorry and felt sad. I left it for a couple of days and sent her an e-mail saying that I was sorry that we had broken up and wished her the best of luck with her ex and hoped that they had a good time - or that she got over her ex once and for all...I also told told her that it was best if she didn't reply to the e-mail as I was starting to develop feelings for her... I then left it a couple of weeks - I was/am pretty upset about it all - and I sent her flowers and wine for her birthday - she sent me a text back saying thanks very much for them - i then replied asking her out again - she texted back saying - that she couldn't do that as I made it perfectly clear that we couldn't be friends - she was sorry x - I replied back saying that was ok and hoped that she was ok - I then got another text back saying that she wasn't with her ex chris - but that her mind was really messed up - I then replied saying that if there was anything I could do - just call I left it for another couple of weeks and sent her a bottle of champagne and flowers again - saying congratulations on her new job (she had just become a GP in lancashire) - she sent me an e-mail back saying - Today I got another surprise - thank you so much for the champagne, you shouldn't have though. I'm loving my new job, just settling in - How are you and have you moved in yet ? x" (she was talking about my new home) - I sent her a text saying "Truthfully I was going to send you a proctoscope, but couldn't find one anywhere (not even on ebay), well done for your new job - its well deserved - (try not to pretend to stick your fingers down your throat or bin the flowers) - Congratulations and well done again. Keep in touch x x" - I then heard nothing back I then rang her 2 days later - the phone rung and then went onto answerphone - I left a message saying that I hoped she had settled down in her new job ok and that was she ok - and for her to give me a bell back That was 2 weeks ago - I've heard nothing since........................ Today I've sent her an orchid - whcih will arrive tommorrow saying "This orchid will flower regularly throughout the year.......Andrew" Any suggestions apart from biting the bullett and moving on............? Its not as if I can't get dates - but out of 24 woman I've dated - I've only been interested in 2 - Similar situation to the other one actually - althougth - she went back to her ex-husband who had cheated on her Andrew
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male
reader, andrew29_32 +, writes (25 July 2008):
andrew29_32 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUp-date to my situation
Well the orchid arrived and I got the following text "thank you for your gift - but please dont send any more - as I can't give you anything back in return Alison" - So I sent back a text saying
"Lol - thats ok - what I thought was that while you are examining your patients with your proctoscope - it might give them something pleasent to look at - or you too methinks x"
I thought that would be the last I ever heard - then about an hour later I got another text
"Ha Ha - My house has been flooded - the last 2 weeks have been a nightmare-but when all the new carpets are in etc - the orchid will look lovely in there - Hope your home is getting there x"
I texted her saying expressing my concern for her flooded house and if there was anything I could do - just let me know - I told her her about my home etc
I think the situation is this - basically she still is very messed up with regard to her ex - she knows that I am very interested in her and I don't think she wants to completely push me away - but she does'nt want me either........
So therefore the best solution for me to keep my sanity - is to gently walk away.........
Unless anyone has any other idea's or thoughts on it
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 July 2008):
 No, no other suggestions apart from move on, she's not interested. You started off accepting she was a bit mixed up, and said you wouldnt keep in touch, then you contact her.
Sounds like you like to be in complete control.
But moving on looks the best idea from this side to me.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, spanglegirl +, writes (22 July 2008):
 I have to admit I agree with Tisha-1, it maye really hard but i think you're going to have to bite that bullet and move on. You sound like a really caring and lovely guy and to be honest from your question i think you deserve better.This women's head is mixed up the reason you don't know what she wants is because i don't think even she knows what it is that she wants. The fact that she still has feelings for her ex means that she isn't in the postion to focus all her attention on you and give you the relationship that you want( i think she's mad as he sounds like a loser, but you can't help who you fall in love with). I kinda know where she is coming from as i, myself have been in a similar situation where mfeelings for my ex stopped me from persuing another relationship. So i think you should let her be, she obviously doesn't know what she wants and it is unfair to keep you hanging. I think you should try and get back on to that dating scene and who knows after some space she may realise just what she is missing. But if not then you need to carry on looking for that special lady who is deserving of your attention and who truly wants to be with you....you sound like a lovely bloke...you deserve to be happy!I hope it all works out ok for you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Sorry, Andrew, I think you do need to bite the bullet and move on. She's not responding because she really doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Sometimes women might play hard to get to encourage a man to chase them a bit, in this case, she's playing impossible to get. It's not happening with her.
Sorry, but you're going to have to throw your energies back into the dating scene. You sound like a nice guy, I do hope that you find a great match soon.
Take care.
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