A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been living with my boyfriend for one year now. Through everything we've been through, including covid and family issues (my family) I feel like we have really been able to get to know each other and see that our relationship can work and we can really be happy together.I have one problem though. Ever since I first met his family I have been sexually attracted to his mother. I've never considered myself bisexual and never even thought about other women in a sexual manner, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about his mother in this way. She is easily one of the most sexually arousing people I have ever known and just being near her gets me aroused.Obviously I would never act on this, it's just too weird to consider and I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend. I want this sexual desire to go away as I feel uncomfortable even hugging her when we meet up because of how aroused I become. I thought not being able to see her during lockdown would make things easier but, if anything, it has actually made her even more sexy to me.I don't want my potential future mother in law to be the object of my sexual fantasies but the only way I can think of getting her out of my head is to leave my boyfriend, which I also don't want to do. I don't think it would even concern me that much if I had sexual thoughts about other women, at least then I could put it down to my sexuality, but I don't at all. I desperately need to stop. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2020): The problem here is you're much too young to be making this type of a commitment. Marriage is for the rest of your life. And you wouldn't be the only one. Plenty of people have married young only later to discover they weren't mature or wise enough to make that decision. They didn't have enough life experience. And usually ended up picking the wrong person or even the right person at the wrong time, or they weren't the right person. I married the first guy I dated. I was young. As much as he was a good man and a good husband, I found that I became restless after a few years of marriage. I missed out on a lot of experiences. And I think I settled. I married to make my parents happy and get out of the house. My parents sheltered me and I didn't know much about life. I was seeking to break free. I ended up meeting my current bf and the sex and connection we have is amazing. I didn't have that with the man I settled for. Had I stayed stuck in that marriage, I would never have found this man who is teaching me so much about life and love. I never would have found myself and discovered who I really was, and what I really wanted. So what I'm saying is ask yourself why do you want to get married right now. What is the motivation? Are they the right or wrong reasons? Even though you may think they are the right reasons, you could be wrong. Maybe you are in denial? And love the idea of happily ever after? I think it's important to live in reality, not a fantasy. Reality and marriage is far different. It's HARD work being married. You won't realize that until a few years in. I think with the attitude you have now, you're going to eventually be disappointed with your boyfriend turned husband. You will feel trapped. Obligated. Stifled. And you will want to break free to pursue your sexual feelings. And your husband will be heartbroken. You don't want to go through divorce. I strongly advise you to discover who you are before hurting another person. It's selfish of you and unfair to your bf. You shouldn't string him along because he's a good catch or nice guy while doubting your own sexuality. To find a member of the same sex attractive, maybe even sexy is normal. But to be lusting after them night and day is not. You need to do some deep soul searching. And I am convinced you are not ready for marriage anytime soon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2020): Not sure you are deeply in love with boyfriend if you can feel very much attracted to someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2020): You said you'd never act on your feelings. Aside from the fact that she doesn't reciprocate those feelings, then what's the problem?
You let the feelings happen; until frustration from futility, and the realization that nothing is going to happen registers in your brain.
You're a human being. You have the capacity to reason, express your thoughts, you have self-awareness; and the world around you expects you to control yourself and your impulses. Your fiance also expects you to feel that way about him, not his mother.
Your future-marriage is a sham; if you don't decide what gender you're into, my dear. This feeling didn't suddenly creep-up on you. You've always been into girls. Maybe you've tried to suppress it. Who do you think you're fooling here?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (27 August 2020):
 Honeypie is right, self control is what you need.
The good thing about infatuations, strong sexual desires, and lust is impermanence, nothing lasts forever, and eventually these feelings abate.
Just keep these thoughts to yourself, no one has to know one's deepest thoughts. Keep these feelings and fantasy's in the confine's of your own mind.
By your own admission, you would never act on this, and you don't want to leave your boyfriend.
So keep these thoughts and feelings to yourself and let them fizzle out of their own accord over the natural course of time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): @honeypie Thanks for the inciteful advice. I wish I'd thought of that. How did I manage before?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2020):
 One word,
SELF CONTROL.
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