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age
22-25,
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writes: Hi everyone :) I need some advice on how I could convince my parents to let me be more independent when I hang out with my friends. This is what I mean by independent: I am almost 16 (in 3 months), whenever I go out like to hangout with my friends, my mum/dad refuses to drop me off at the mall and let me walk on my own to meet my friends. My mum always walks me to the cinema and waits til my friends show up or they want one of my friends to pick me up. I really want them to let me walk on my own. I feel like I'm a little girl while my other friends, their parents drop them off and they'll meet us and call when they arrive at the cinema. Also, my parents asks a lot of questions whenever I want to go out. I usually tell them where I'm meeting my friends and what I'm doing. However, that isn't enough for them, they'll push it til I'll tell them exactly whose going. Tbh, I don't have many friends and I always hang out with the same people. I told them before that I only have a few friends that I hang out with them all the time. One more thing is that they wouldn't let me hang out with a guy alone. They immediately assume that there is something going on between us. I get that they think I'm young to have a boyfriend etc. But I just want to go watch a movie with one guy or like just hang out in a mall (like shopping, he and my parents know I LOVE shopping). plus they know him and he's one of my closest friend. So I need some good advice there too. I also understand that my parents want me to be safe etc. But I really want to be more independent in terms of that. I mean I am growing up etc, and I do not see anything wrong in walking alone to the cinema. As well as just hanging out with a guy. I also told my parents that I do not have any online friends that I've never met. and also reassured them that I never hang out with people that aren't from school. So pls give me some advice, I think I'll really need it. I dont have anyone else to go to about this. Thank you so much! If you need more info, I'll reply and answer any questions. :) xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): First answer is spot on with it being an eldest child thing, my younger brother had WAYYY more freedom than me!Saying that, sometimes parents get all protective over their youngest as you're still the "baby" of the family.Second the advice that you need to sit down and, calmly, talk about what they're worried about. Advise that you need to learn freedom because one day you'll go off to university and they won't be there. It's better you learn to be alone while in familiar surroundings and that you need to be given opportunity that they can trust you. I had quite a lot of freedom, although my curfews were always earlier than my mates! But I can see now it was good for me and I'm glad. Your parents are just doing what they think is best, but a nice family chat about things could really open up why and help you all understand each other.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 Are you an only child? Or the eldest child? Parents the first time through tend to err on the side of caution and over-protection. Or if you had an older sibling go off the rails.
Have you ever given them any reason to mistrust you? Have you been caught lying, sneaking out, or otherwise breaking their rules? Could your social life be taking away from your effort/results at school?
If you have given them no reason to mistrust you, have a calm, adult conversation with them. Point out that you've always obeyed their rules. Ask them what they're worried about - your safety, your reputation, the family honour? Discuss how you could address their concerns while having a bit more freedom. If you continue to demonstrate responsible behaviour and follow their rules, over time they will trust you more. Unfortunately there's no quick fix.
Good luck!
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