A
female
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anonymous
writes:There are three things I'm concerned about. 1) There's a woman at my husband's job that's always texting him. I've seen her messages a few times when we're together(sometimes he tells me to grab the phone and see who it is). I haven't said too much about it but I don't like it. Recently however her messages end with "Love Nicole". WTF? I should also add this woman is of Spanish decent. The other day my husband and I were laying in bed and I guess he thought it would be coy if he rolled over and whispered something to me in Spanish. Only problem, he doesn't speak Spanish! So who do you think taught him that phrase? I didn't even bother to ask him what it meant, I just asked him where he learned it. He fumbled around and muttered something about learning it on Youtube. Yeah, right. 2)A few weeks ago I found a matchbook in his pocket when I was doing laundry and it was from a little seedy club on the outskirts of town where alot of Spanish people hang out and play pool. He claimed he's had the matchbook forever and it was one he picked up when we went there for lunch one day (like 4 years ago?) yet I know when he collects matchbooks he doesn't use them! He saves them. 3) He has suddenly announced that he will be attending a meeting in another city 200 miles away on Feb 14th and 15th. Yes I will be spending Valentine's Day alone. To compound my angst, not only did he not change his plans when he realized it was going to fall on V-day(and trust me, the meeting is totally benign and not at all mandatory for his job I might add) but he didn't invite me to go like he normally does. Later I told him I was a little hurt that he didn't at least ask me to come along, it's always a great escape for both of us when I get to travel for his meetings. He just threw a big fit and I am growing more suspicious as time goes by! Would other women be upset about these three situations that have occurred so close together?.....I just need to know other people might feel because he makes it seem like it's all in my head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot much to update but on Fridays when I work late there are gaps in his day where he doesn't have his phone and seems to just diappear. Later when I casually ask where he was he gets very defensive and angry. When we go down to see his family in another city, it seems like I have to drag him away when he used to love going there with me. While he is coming home every night to me our sex like if pretty luke warm from what it used to be. I've been making excuses (he's tired; he's under alot of pressure at work)...I think at best, he's having an emotional affair with this other woman. I think they email each other alot at work. I think he shares his work frustrations with her, because he doesn't really tell me much about work anymore and doesn't seem interested in hearing about my day. At home he seems distracted. Sometimes he gets up at 3:00 AM and I find him on the computer but never really catch him chatting with anyone so again, is this my imagination? We fight on the weekends more than the week days I've noticed. And when we go out of town on the week end I can count on a big fight over something trivial which further makes me feel he's juggling something on the side. It's just very hard to catch. I check his phone when he leaves it out and he doesn't seem protective over it, and lately I've only found one or two calls to her during work days which might be expected. But it continues to be a nagging feeling I cannot shake. Thanks for asking and being concerned.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): OP, what happened? Do you have an update for us? I hope you're okay xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): If you think he's cheating on you, then he is, that how you can tell.
I would borrow a friend or cousin car, put on a long wig with a big hat,dark sun glasses and ride up to that meeting. Better yet there's a GPS that's on the market now will tell you exactly where he is, you put that on his car when he's in the shower, learn more about that, just keep your mouth shut and do your checking.
Good Luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): Yes, it's too suspicious. I would not say a word and drive up to that meeting and just show up like you were surprising him for Valentine's day. You'll know the truth that way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): very very fishy! b nosey, snoop around and find the details. catch him red handed. all the best!!
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female
reader, suey  +, writes (12 February 2012):
I agree it seems very fishy to me, sorry. I think a woman can tell, its the little things that only a wife/partner would know are different. /find out where he is staying and catch him out if you can, well I think that's what I would do. Good luck and I do hope you are wrrong
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Does this woman look like Sofia Vergara? I'd be worried. Ok, just kidding.
Why all of a sudden the trust issues with your DH? Has he ever cheated on you in the past?
The matchbook, her texting him, speaking a line of Spanish (did he not take Spanish in school or university? It's really easy.), and going to his meeting are not physical, hard evidence to say he's cheating on you with this Latin babe.
If he was cheating on you, do you honestly think he would let you read her texts??? No, he would be guarding his phone and possibly putting a lock with a password on it.
Spending Valentine's Day alone isn't the end of the world. As long as he makes it up by spending you a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, or expensive jewelry then I'd let it slide.
IMO it's all in your head.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I'm not a suspicious woman.. but yep, sounds fishy to me. Not the love Nicole bit, but going away without me suddenly, 4year old matchbooks from a club in his pocket, like the shirt doesn't get washed.. nope, that's enough for me to ask questions.
Don't like lies and evasions, so if I were in your situation, if he couldn't give me a sensible explanation, then I'd call up Nicole and ask her to help me with some of the questions I have.
If only he said he'd been playing pool and learning Spanish off seedy people, then we'd have no problem.. sigh
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 No something is really going on. He is not admitting to it but he still wanted you to know about it by leaving obvious hints. He secretly wants this to blow up but by blaming it's all your problem. It's your decision on what to do now.
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