A
female
age
51-59,
*emyself andproblems
writes:Hello, happy to know you exist,here i go...well once upon a time i met a handsome man that was very responsible and a hardworker and some...he was divorced w/3 kids and i never married but did have 2 of my own, so we decided to make a big happy family, well yeah right, its been 12years of marriage and ive been walking on eggshells since day one, i like most loyal woman have been hoping for this to get better and my love has matured and now im 40 and still need to get his aproval on everything i do, well yeah my fault cause he is very controlling.he has set all the rules and has broken all the rules, and he has put limits to my kids and no bounderies to his, so what happend? thank god my kids really have been good, ive been blessed and his omg! nothing but problems, i mean im not very realigious but god is my witness..its been very hard and right now i think that i have to run and leave him, cause he is driving me crazy..well he seems to help all his friends in anything he can and i dont dispute it but when my friends that he does not aprove of needs help he stomps me. he is very verbally abusive and yells in my ear and drinks alot, i mean..im desperate, he really has lots of great qualities but with his negative actions blows all of those virtues...well lately i have felt that ive been resolving all his past relationships problems and his oldest son has been in rehabs and jails left and right and now he comes over and is a slob and leaves his buggers on my walls and couches and picks on my food in the frige and throws it back and steals too and what ive done for him is take him grocery shopping and give him transportation money and now he seems to want to live here, and yeah he is 29yrs old. also his daughter tried to send him to jail making up stories just to get her ways and his youngest daughter doesnt call him unless he gives her money...i mean its getting bad and all that is going on on top of this he says that my son doesnt goes to school and that doesnt work an he pays his cell phone, well the truth is that kinda cause he is getting his ged and is looking for work, he is 18 but i cant even remember when was the last time i bought him shoes or anything thats cause he knows how my husband is that he might get mad or say we dont got money. my daughter just graduated from college has 2 kids but never bothers us, and when we fight he brings them up and say that he supports my son and complains about him, he is actually comming home tomorrow and i really cant take this...its very hard, and somewhat addicting and im so stressed and worry cause i do depend on him and im scared of him, oh and top we even tried a swinging life just cause he insisted, i mean i know im not a child but he just wont stop and i keep telling him that i cant share him, make me understand, make me smell the coffee, my son was diagnosed having ahd and he looks really sad but is very clever and has never bothered us, he actually gets up and rushes to him to shakes his hand when he comes home just to greet him and its just not enough for him. im very sad and, help me understand that its time to put this to an end. though i love him and god knows i tried to follow his rules but that's just not what marriage is about. bless you all and help me please and thank you for listening. peace!
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female
reader, memyself andproblems +, writes (5 June 2009):
memyself andproblems is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood evening, well I'm amazed at these responses that have caused me to tear up. And I'm so touched by these beautiful people that have opened their heart towards my issues, thank you, thank you, thank you! And yeah your right things are getting harder, I just cant seemed to gather myself and leave. Yes I love him, but it's killing me. I feel that I live on a rollercoaster and I can't get off. Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm down, but look at the date today and I'm down again. I am starting to look for a place to go and I pray to god that it will get better. God bless all of you,and I hope you don't have to live this way, it's not life. Peace!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): your post saddens me, my mother was your situation, me and my sister were nervous throughout our childhood, and my mother put off leaving as she thought things would get better.
When she realised things would not get better she still would not leave as she was afraid of starting over, worried how she would manage.
Well eventually she found the courage to leave, she went to a womans refuge, who helped her in finding a place to live, told her what benefits she could have to help her.
she left with her clothes only, and now she is settled in her place, has a part time job, and its the first time ive really seen her happy.
we cant get back the years of living how we did with him, but we certainly make up for it now. its amazing how quickly things get better.
Its scary at first the thought of going it alone, but believe me, once you do it, you will never look back.
Go and make the life you want leave this sorry man, do it for you and your son & daughter, no man is worth living like this for.
go get your life back, all my thoughts are with you.
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A
female
reader, Roxy1989  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 My mom went through the same thing for 11 years ,and after 2 kids and a abusive marriage ,she plucked up the courrage to leave him ... he then wanted her back and said hes terribly sorry and that he has changed... after 6 months pregnant with the third baby from him ,she realized that he hadnt changed, and even though she could just make ends meet with her money she left him again .. and this time for good! She is now remarried and wonderfully happy .. its hard in the begining .. but in the end ,you wont regret it. keep well and god bless.PS You are not inlove with him ,You are inlove with what he could be .. And he just is'nt that person.
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