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female
,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I broke up a month ago, and we see each other at school everyday. Trouble is, I thought I was over him but everytime I see him my feelings come rushing back. We don't talk at all. When we see each other we just look straight through each other like we don't even know each other. We were friends for several years and he had been really head over heels for me for ages.. but we didn't get involved for a long time. Long story short: He dumped me after I got mad at him for something I found out from someone else about him, something about him still in love and contact with his ex. Basically he got mad that I didn't trust him even though I said I was sorry. He didn't want to work things out.What also doesn't help is we have this mutual friend who's a complete gossip monger, and I just KNOW he's constantly running back and forwards telling him everything I'm saying, because he tells me what my ex has said. I've told him I don't want to talk about my ex, that he can't work things out with us etc, because we're over and I want to move on. But he keeps asking me and telling me things my ex has said and I get so curious I want to know what he's said about me and about what happened. My ex didn't seem to care much about us breaking up and I've pretended I didn't either. I don't want to show I'm bothered but I'm torn up inside. I just don't know how to stop analyzing everything that went wrong. I keep blaming myself for what happened and going over and over it in my mind. I thought that by not being friends with him I'd be able to get over him, but since I see him constantly and this guy is talking about him to me I'm not getting over him at all. I feel really upset and am not sure how to get over him and stop feeling this way that I do. Should I go over and speak to him, and let him know how I'm feeling? Or try and get over him because he's not worth it? How do I get over him? Thanks.
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 It is very ahrd to let go of someone that you care deeply for! And by the sound of it you still care deeply for him! But there are a few things you can do and being a girl makes it easier! Show him you over him, you may not be, but men try to provoke you to see if you can handle the break up! Keep your chin up! i know it's hard because you see him at school! but lets try this, when you see him again say hi, be polite and confident! striking a conversation forces him to speak to you but also makes him feel bad for treating you the way he has! But don't let yourself play his game as run after the me game! Dr Psych is right, if he couldn't work out one simple problem like a grown man then he wouldn't be able to cope with other confrontations! relationships don't work out if it's only one person trying to work things out!
If your friend tries to stir things up because he has nothing else to do then shrug it off like it means nothing! Tell you not interested and that you will have no other discussions about it!
But to keep your mind occupied, find a hobby, i find apinting helps, i paint acyrilics and it helps, because you can create what you want out of a simple ornament and turn it into a master piece!
Find a new circle of friends if you must, find just one trust worthy friend that you can open your heart to!
I'm here!
if you want to talk let me know!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 There are some things about this situation you can control and change, and some you cannot. Love is fickle in the teen years and you will no doubt date lots of boys in your lifetime. It is unfortunate that you have to see your ex at school BUT the holidays are coming up so that is a break. You may feel better next term. You don't have a tardis to go back in time and you cannot change what you have said, or he has said in the past. However, the secret to happiness is not to cling to what has happened in the past as it can make you very depressed - you need to have some positive thinking going on. Everyone makes mistakes - I have made more than most in the past! The secret is not to wish to put things right but to learn from those mistakes for next time. You just have to accept that this relationship wasn't mean't to be - if it wasn't the argument you mentioned, then something else would have come along to split you two up as relationships have to be resilient against the stresses of daily life to survive.
The second problem is entirely controllable - you know this 'friend' (I use the term lightly) is a sneak, but don't hate them for it - isn't it a bit sad that they have to take such an interest in your personal life because they have none of their own? You have to demonstrate some self control and dignity in this situation - if you stop talking about your ex to this person, you stop thinking about him so much...it is the first step to getting over him. If you stop talking about your ex, you stop having to hear about what he has been allegedly saying about you (...and lets face it most gossip is exaggerated as it goes from person to person). This 'go between' person is provoking both of you to talk about each other because they have nothing else that is remotely interesting in their life. Why should you allow yourself to be their source of entertainment??? Tell them you won't discuss your ex, or hear any gossip about them, because you don't care anymore and prove it by not being lured into tempting gossip sessions...avoid this 'go between' person who is hardly your friend if s/he is stiring up trouble like this. If that fails, just change the subject when they bring him up and turn the tables on them - putting them in the spotlight by dragging out their personal problems may make them feel uncomfortable enough to back down. They will get tired of trying to provoke you and find another target.
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