A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is making me cling to memories of my ex? He dumped me two years ago. He abruptly ended the relationship (after months of dating he broke up over text) basically I didn’t fit his schedule and needs anymore and he disregarded me. Obviously he isn’t Prince Charming but I get emotional about it. Why? It’s been two years - I was in a long term relationship before and I got over itI haven’t dated and I haven’t had sex since - I feel so disappointed that I acted so nice and someone took advantage of it. But I still think about it and miss it and I think about him sometimes and it’s embarrassingI haven’t checked on him in social media for months - last time I checked he had another gf - and it seemed she took my placeWhy can’t I ever get over a guy into another comes along? Why do I have these feelings? I cry sometimes at nights when I hear certain songsI still think he is attractive and I still have this like lonely/longing feeling I can’t break People tell me I’m smart and nice and pretty but I haven’t found anyone in two years that I found attractive as himWhat gives? This is embarrassing - the man was not a good man - why am I longing and thinking these nostalgic thoughts?What gives? This is embarrasing - the man was not a good man - why am I longing and thinking these nostalgic thoughts ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2017): Hi, what you are saying am going through it also just turned two years, and what's really bad they are not even thinking about us, I treated her like she was so special, she ghost me,I really hope, there really is the thing called karma, but we won't see them missing someone who they treated special,please smile some one will do to them what they did to us, but you know we should of seen the red flags, smile, for you know you , you are a good person
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2017): I meant to say:
" You keep some in a special stash for yourself, in the event of an unexpected-heartbreak."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2017): Your ego was severely crushed by this man's rejection. Sweetheart, it is far from love that you feel. It's feeling discarded and underappreciated. Shattered pride! You gave it your all, and then some. Only to be dumped! You told yourself over and over..."this is the one!" SURPRISE!!!
Girlfriend, been there and done that!
It means you gave him everything; but didn't keep love for yourself. You coveted and worshiped a relationship like it was all you lived for. That's far too much. You have to keep love on reserve; so you have some to thrive on while you heal. So you have enough resilience left in you to move on; and still have an ample supply of love for the right guy. Just make it your business to upgrade. You're have to, because you're going to do work on yourself. You're under repair! Meanwhile; your love-supply is being replenished. You keep some in a special stash for yourself, in the even of an unexpected-heartbreak. False-alarms do happen! Some rebound shows up, and gets one over on you!
Two years? Seriously?!!
Use this down-time for self-improvement. Nobody needs some other guy's damaged-goods! Throw your mourning veil in the trash! While he's living it up "la vida loca!"
He mangled your pride and left you there for all to see. Like in the dream we all have; when we're in high school out on the football field, buck-naked and we can't find our clothes! *I just got the shivers!* It's a feeling of profound shame. Everyone can see me, and it's like everyone knows I got dumped. He wasn't a monster, he just decided I reached my expiration-date! For him maybe, nobody else!
I came to this site about five or so years ago, just after this sad situation. I thought we had this really fun and exciting relationship. I got blind-sided and dumped. No argument or fight to blame for our sudden break-up. It left me devastated; because I didn't have any answers to my questions, or didn't know what I might have done. I had no grounds for appeal! It was over and done!
I came to DC and I vented my feelings. I made fun of myself. I wrote a series of articles that expressed my progress, and just allowed myself to immerse myself in writing. Then I decided to stop my whining. I have a wealth of wisdom and experience. I'm a survivor! I love people, and I can help people.
Long before my being-dumped episode; I had the benefit of a long and happy relationship. It started when I was quite young; so through those years, I gained experience. I had my parents' marriage as my blueprint. My first love died of cancer. We lasted 28 years! He died, but I lived! As for being dumped? I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, let my wounds heal, and just let the dump-master go. I shook the dust out of my feathers! Spread my wings, and I flew!
You've been held hostage by the past. Ruminating on memories that have no value to you now. You've allowed one man to hold undeserved possession of your feelings. He made you feel...you allowed yourself to feel...abandoned and worthless.
Hon, we're ending a year; and coming-up on a new one! It's time you stop with the dramatizing. Take your power back. Simply let him go! It's as simple as that.
Write it in giant capital letters on a white sheet of paper!
"I'M DONE WITH THIS GUY, AND I'M OVER THIS!" Then burn it! Be careful not to burn-down your house, please! Take the ashes and flush them down the toilet. Flush repeatedly! Ashes linger in a ring like bad memories.
Then take your lipstick and write on a mirror: "This face is moving on!" Don't wipe it off. Leave it. So you'll see it every-time you pass that mirror! Go change your hairstyle. Toss out all your keepsakes that remind you of him. This is symbolic. Even if you got a new do last week, change it again! Put his old gifts in the back of the closet. Put all of him away!
He has moved on, and you lied about not keeping-up with him on social media. Come on, sweetie! Admit it, you peeked! Many times! I know you did! By doing so; you ripped the scab off a healing-wound on your heart. We all do it. We don't like someone having so much power they can rip our hearts from our chests; and just walk-off like it was nothing.
It's not love holding you back, it's feeling like...pardon my language...what fucking nerve, dude?!!! You're angry and frustrated; and you'd love to smash him to bits! You can't move on; because you can't get over the fact he just dumped you. It seemed so easy for him. Then to rub salt in the wound, he's announcing to the world he's got a new girlfriend! Now jealousy and the humiliation only makes things worse!!! If all I've said isn't true. Stop reading!
Yeah, hon, been down that road too. A friend went on vacation two months after our breakup. I was just starting to feel myself; and this friend tells me he saw my ex. He was introducing his new boyfriend at a tea dance at the gay resort!!! I didn't need to hear this crap! I was doing good! Then I just felt like crap. Oh, but this guy here doesn't just give-in just that easily! It actually made me fight harder to pull myself back. Oh no she didn't! Hell no! No more feelings to waste on the past. I took my power back!
Four+ years later, I'm not only better; but I have a new man in my life. He's wonderful, but not my world. I didn't allow my ego to tell me I've lost anything. I made it my business to regain and maintain my dignity and self-respect; before I even decided to consider dating another man. Not out of bitterness, but pure strength and determination. I wasn't going to give that man the power to hold me back. I was not going to weigh myself down with self-pity either.
Woman, pull yourself together! Stop being such a pathetic drama queen. He wasn't all that. He just made you feel devalued and stripped of your pride. I know how that feels.
I'm here to tell you to get a grip!!! Enough of this whining and wasting precious time. He's some other woman's problem. Here you are, two years later being a hot mess! Giving him an extra two-years of your life; suffering over some dick who's been long gone. Long after the fact, to boot!
Hon, you're better than that! Don't you shed another solitary tear over him. GET OVER IT!!!
He's a teardrop in an ocean of men. Go swimming!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 You are in love with what you believed this man to be, what you hoped he was, not what he turned out to be. You need to keep reminding yourself that you are not in love with HIM but with what you dreamed he would be.
This is the time of year when we tend to remember people from our past and feel nostalgic. Don't look back through rose coloured spectacles. See him for what he was. You KNOW deep down you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2017):
 Maybe it's because you are so busy beating yourself up over a guy who clearly wasn't a good match?
Just because you were nice and accommodating doesn't mean you two were a good match long term. It doesn't mean he took advantage either. He probably just wasn't serious from the get-go. It happens.
I think we at times get stuck on things and events that really are not important in the long run. Why? Who knows? Maybe because it didn't fit into a nice neat logical hole.
Your logic dictates that he should have WANTED to be with you. Because you are worth it. And the outcome was different. Doesn't mean you weren't or aren't worth it, just means he moved on as soon as he decided you two weren't going to work.
So you can CHOOSE to keep rehashing what REALLY happened and have this guy who should be insignificant in your life mold your future OR you can say screw it! and let it go.
Go on with life, don't waste a minute on his social media or whatever - what's the point?
Go out with friends, family, do things you have always wanted to do. See new places, get fit... whatever you would like to do but haven't done (within reason).
Stop beating yourself up. And stop giving this guy SO much power over your life. He isn't worth your tears or thoughts. I think you miss the IDEA of the relationship, the IDEA of this guy - not the reality.
The ONLY one holding you back from YOUR future.... is you.
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