A
male
age
41-50,
*rkiteck
writes:Hello all, I originally came on this site to find advice for me and my own Girlfriend as we were having some problems. Some of you may have seen some of the advice that I've left so now, I'm asking for all of your help. My wonderful girlfriend of close to 7 years has decided to call it quits with me. She says she loves me but isn't in love with me right now and wants to work on her career (she works for the UN so she wants to go on missions to other countries and stuff like that). I love her to death, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I was planning on finally proposing to her this year as I've wanted to spend the rest of my life with her for a while now. We just bought a new condo at the end of May, started having problems in October/September and as previously mentioned she finally called it quits this past Monday. I don't want to break up with her, i think the world of her but she has to do what she has to do and I can't stand in her way. Unfortunately due to financial reasons, we still live together. My question is this, how to I stop the pain while still living with her. She's resorted to ignoring me, I can't say anything to her because if i do it will just be about how much i feel for her and I don't want to keep pressuring her so as a result, i've been keeping quiet too. I don't know what to do because for the past 7 years, I've told her every problem I've had, she's been my best friend and was always willing to talk, now that's gone. If anyone has any idea or any advice, please let me know. Sorry so long and thanks.
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reader, Arkiteck +, writes (21 February 2008):
Arkiteck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJabey, I never thought of it like that. I'll see what I can do. My friends all have lives of their own right now and have always been hard to connect with and arrange outings, but maybe i should just try harder to do that. I hope she comes back, though i don't think she will. It's hard for me though because this is the 1st girl i've ever really loved and she's changed so much in me. I'm not saying i was the perfect bf, but I never denied that I loved, was and still am in love with her. You're right though. I will try and do that as well.
A
male
reader, Arkiteck +, writes (21 February 2008):
Arkiteck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBaby Duck, Thanks for your quick reply. I understand exactly what you're saying, while I hope and pray for the best, I prepare for the worst and am trying to make arrangements. I know we can no longer live together, but financially neither one of us can afford the place on our own. I want to leave as soon as possible just from what the condo represents to me, however, as I'm still head over heels for her, I can't bring myself to put her in a situation she can't handle. And you're right, it is killing my soulAnalissa, I'll try and talk to her tonight about it. It's hard because every time i look at her i want to tell her i love her but i know it won't help. I don't know how to be friends with her because we've never been just friends in the time we've known each other. I guess there's a first for everything though.
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A
female
reader, jabey  +, writes (21 February 2008):
an inner strength from you is now required. Have you any close friends ? or friends you do not know to well ?
If you have people around you , arrange to meet them and get to know them, now is the time to make new best friends, so you do not feel so reliant on this girl for all.if you have friends to meet and go out with, you will be able to start a new life. Have you considered that if she saw you going out doing things and having a life, then maybe she might even become a little jealous and question her decision.
if she sees you happy and moving on, it may well unnerve her. if she sees you are there all the time waiting for her wishing for her, the pressure will mount up, and she will be even more determind to leave.
Its an old saying butits true, if you let a bird go free and then they come back then you know they want you if you keep thm suffocated they just want to break free.`
It is very painful and devastating when someone you love chooses to go. But on the other hand it is a new beginning, time for you to pursue all you want from life. See it as a challenge.
Very often when someone knows you are always there they feel safe but when they feel you have moved on it scares them and this is when they sit up and notice, and sometimes they want you back.
Living together for now is hard but also a great opportunity to let her see you moving on and accepting her choice, this way she really has the space to decidexxx
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