A
female
age
36-40,
*_c100
writes:Question:I've spent three years trying to make my own mind up but with no success, I need help in deciding what I should do next. Do I continue hoping that we will get back together? Do I leave my current relationship, spend some time on my own whilst secretly hoping I will win him back one day? Or do I just give up now and resign myself to the fact that if there ever was 'The One' out there for me I have lost him?Background:I am 21 years old and I have met the man of my dreams. Only problem is that I made a mess of the relationship 3 years ago and while we still talk and care about each other, he cant decide whether he wants me back.We split up when I was 18 and he was 21, we were both so young and so in love but I ended it when I went away to university as I thought there was more out there. I quickly started seeing other guys but nothing serious, within a few weeks I realised I'd made a huge mistake. I'd left him heartbroken, to this day I still feel so guilty how much I hurt him.A few months passed without us speaking or seeing each other but then we both came back from university for the holidays and saw each other in a club, we couldnt stay away from each other and ended up spending the night together. This happened for the next couple of years, where we would see each other and end up spending the night together, even when we were both in other relationships.I have bounced from one relationship to another since my ex, all lasting around 1 year but then ending when I realise I dont love them anywhere near as much as I love my ex. I am currently in a relationship, where I have let myself be swept away in the moment and after 6 months we moved in together.I realise now that this was a huge mistake but due to financial reasons and rental contracts, I cant leave. I realise that part of the reason why my relationships are failing is because I still love my ex and because I cant move on from him, but I feel powerless in the situation.I got back with my ex briefly last summer, we spent 2 months together where I was sublimely happy thinking that I had finally got him back. I was in another relationship but quickly ended it at my ex's request, even though I was due to move in with my boyfriend at the time. I gave up everything to get back with my ex, but he went on holiday and slept with someone else over there, when he got back I forgave him but knew things were not going to go well after that.He was unable to tell me he loved me, he couldnt really talk to me about how he was feeling and throughout the 2 months he always said he was confused and did not know what he wanted. Unsurprisingly we both decided to end it as it was going nowhere.Since then I got into a relationship around 2 months later, where I am now living with my new boyfriend. My ex recently moved south, leaving hundreds of miles between us but this still has not stopped me from thinking about him or wanting to be with him. We still talk fairly frequently, he even sent me a text after he had been out telling me that he loved me (it was a huge thing for him seen as he hates talking about how he feels) but we are still going round in circles. I would give up everything to be with him again as I know he is the love of my life and there is no-one else out there for me. Time has not healed, I've had some of the lovliest boyfriends you could ever hope for but I've never felt the same way for them as I do for him.The problem is he is still unsure whether he really wants to give us antother chance. While I see it as you have to give things a proper chance before you can get closure, he is still feels hurt by what I did and cant get past it, even if he still loves me. He has told me he still thinks of me as "his" and he definately hasnt moved on, yet he doesnt want me back either.Now I have come to a time when I feel like this is making me depressed and is affecting my life, I need to make a decision in order to get better. People have told me just to move on and forget but thats not an option, three years have passed and every time he texts or I see a photo of him my heart skips a beat, I get butterflies just thinking about him. If that isnt true love then I dont know what is.
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female
reader, Tanzi_02  +, writes (5 December 2008):
Honestly..I feel the same way. Me and my ex have been going out for 6 months ( not nearly as close to yours but still) and he's been there for me for a long as I know. I was pregnant when I first started going out with him and he's been there with me for the whole entire pregnancy. Then he moved back to the staes summer time but we still decided to be together. Then a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me which made me sooo sad. Everybody's like "forget about him and move on" but it's not that easy. A couple of days later my daugther died and it was the most devastating thing ever. Not only did I lose my boyfriend, but also my daugther. I was so upset and even so, we were not together, still told me he loved me and stayed on the phone with him until 5am in the morning crying off my face about my daugther dying. Its hard that were not together yeah, were both young both 17, but he still talk as if we are still going out. He still gets jealous of other guys i bring and so on and so forth. I never wanted to so much in my life. I just want to be with him. Although we have our hissy fits every now and then, regardless I still love him. For my birthday, i wanna see him so bad, so ive decided to fly down there and spend the weekend with him regardless if i live in canada. and he lives in the states. Honestly I may be young and not as experienced in relationships as you are but if you know you want to be with that person, you will do anything to make it work. Distance is just another number. Everyone says long distance relationships dont work, but who ever said short distances work either?? Even if you guys are not together stay in contact. That's the best thing for me or even text him, every morning he'll text me and say good morning with a lil heart beside and we'll talk on the phone and then goodnite and a i love you. Chase for what you want, because the oppurtunity may never come again.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 November 2008):
k_c100 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for replying :)
The problem is there that I have tried getting back with him on a number of occasions, the most recent one being last summer where I ended up getting quite badly hurt because he couldnt make his mind up.
I want him back, and I have tried but he is still leading me round in circles getting my hopes up and then letting me down.
We were only together a short time when we were very young so I know there is no problem of being stuck in the past, it was that long ago I can barely remember that part of our lives. But what I do know is how he makes me feel when I talk to him and see him, and that after 3 years I feel as strongly about him now as I did when I first met him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): If you truly believe he's the one, stop hopping around in relationships n stick with him. Get committed. Life is a gamble. Winner takes all, loser gets nothing. You feel regretful for not getting back with your ex and you're not over him. Unless you try to get back with him, you won't be satisfied with other man. Stop getting into rebounds as you can hurt other people as well. The thing is, relationships are not the same when after you break up. You may be thinking that you're in love with him but the truth is you're probably just stuck in the past.
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