A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:It's finally happened. I am the woman whose husband has had a 'text affair' with a colleague. It all stopped last August and I was confident it had all finished. His emails to her (which he doesn't know I can access) were all above board and work related. He showed me his mobile bills to 'prove' all texting/calls had stopped. Last night (April fools) he forwarded a joke to a few mates and I checked his phone later. One number had no name so I thought that was strange forwarding to people not in your contact list. I phoned the number this morning and my husband answered. Guess what? He's bought a pay as you go mobile to text her in secret for the last 9 months and was forwarding the joke to his secret mobile to then forward to her. He swears they were all work related and he couldn't bear having to explain texts to her on his 'proper' mobile for which he now always shows me the bills. I phoned her at work immediately (he threatened me not to phone her when I first discovered and said I might regret it so I haven't before}. She was very shocked but said they just texted to see how each other was. What do I do now???? Believe him YET AGAIN or get rid??? He's now 'promising' anything to save our marriage EXCEPT me contacting her husband. He is YET AGAIN distraught (yeah, at being found out) but swears it was all down to work. Am I a complete d**khead??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): woman's intuition.........trust it and you are seldom wrong.
your husband has just proven that he is a serial liar, a serial cheat and a serial wife "abuser".
he is still playing the "forgive me, i am sorry" role. but he still protects his love interst, why? he has invested much more in this relationship than he is letting on. what is actually happening here.
i don't mean to throw you in a panick, but just to play it safe, visit an attorney to find out where you stand legally. Just cover all angles, and know what you are facing. you cannot trust anything your husband says right now. better safe and financially secure than divorced and penniless! If your h/b decides to throw in the towel, where does it leave you. he has continued his affair for longer than a year now, he is not easily going to give up on his r/ship with the OW.
the key to unravelling this entire mystery with OW, is her husband. He will get the answers that were not forthcomig to you. He will not have a spose threatening him as yours have done to you. Her husband needs to kow of the affair, if he is going to salvage his marriage. That is if his wife wants to.
Now that your h/b has been caught, he will cover his tracks better and not have any evidence around. This OW will now also cover her tracks, hoping that her h/b will not find out about her affair. She blatantly disrespected you. For all you may know they would have been laughing at you how they have continued their affair behind your back. They both are despicable. Do not let htem get away with the affair. The longer you leave it, the harder it will become for you. Realise that both your h/b and the OW, will gang up against you, it will be your word, your insecurities against theirs. They will try to do damage control and make you out to be the bad/mad/paranoid one in th end. It is all about timing, and that time is now. Her h/b is the KEY to your sanity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): GREAT DETECTIVE WORK. YOU WERE NOT PARANOID AFTER ALL.you called the "friend" she knows that you know.Your husband has lied, disrespected you and made you feel as though you were going out out your mind.You have no option but o call HER HUSBAND, and tell him what they have been up to. The OW, KNEW that your husband is married, your husband swore that IT WAS OVER. THEY BOTH HAVE BEEN CARRYING ON BEHIND YOUR BACK. THEY BOTH HAVE BEEN DECEITFUL, it's time. No - more Nice, doormat wife. You phone the husband and let him deal with his wife's affair.As for your husband, you deal with him. He abused you physically, emotionally and mentally. NO MORE PLAYING NICE. Get this all out in the open . NOW.The OW, has to now pay the price of her affair, you will only have yourself to blame if you do not TELL HER HUSBAND. Thinking about this now, you should have phoned up the husband when you first found out.Your husband has displayed that he is a cheat, a liar, a home breaker. A pay as you go - wow, what deception. Be nobody's fool any longer. ACT NOW. As for your husbands bitch, let her roast in hell. Just watch them both, more skeletons will be coming out. dO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND THREATEN YOU ANYMORE. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF HIM ANYMORE.I am so glad that you found the evidence. As i said before GREAT DETECTIVE WORK. NOW TELL HER HUSBAND. DO NOT HIDE THIS BETRAYAL ANYMORE!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): you need to make him sweat, He took you for granted yet again! And still decieved you, you need to show him your serious and he needs to learn!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I have been there before. All they do is get better at it and not being so obvious, that is why I never realised anything until I decided to go ut and look for it, but then do you think that taking an extra job of a spy is healthy?Look at it this way, if you love him, stay with him and learn to accept that you are not the woman he desires and learn to share him. I think you value yourself as a person, yet again you start to remember the magical moments right?Are they really worth that? A night out to a restaurant??!! Sweety, your worth more than that. She obviously means something to him if he is going the extra way to buy his phone and who knows it may not only just be her.
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A
female
reader, my_10_cents  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Seems there is a d*ckhead in the marriage but it isn't you :-)
I mean come on, why have a secret phone for work messages???? He could have simply texted 'above board' messages to her on his proper phone and showed you, which would have gone a long way to show you he was a reformed character. Sending jokes to a woman he had a text affair with previously is a complete no-no in my book.
Has he deleted the stuff off the 2nd phone? There would have been no real need to if it was secret so get him to let you see them; but if the messages are gone, kinda speaks volumes.....
He's proven himself to be a liar so him saying he won't do it again has no meaning for you. What a thoroughly miserable time you must be having still feeling the need to check - he must still be doing something to set your alarms off.
If you want to try again, I think at the least he needs to move jobs and sever all contact - that would prove just how far he will go to patch things up and you need a stint with Relate or if you can afford it a really good counsellor (my own experience of Relate was ho-hum but we may have just had a dud; if you get this feeling early on with the person you work with, don't ignore your instincts as we did, just request a different therapist) and find out what is at the root of needing the attention of another woman - it will be tough work for both of you. That said, if he starts babbling excuses (got the feeling he will do this) may be time to get your legal affairs in order as lies kill love. Very very best of luck.
PS If you do decide to leave, call her husband too :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Honey of course he is promising you anything right now! He is in survival mode. I have learned (the hard way) that if your intuition is telling you that he is being untrue that chances are you are right. I mean WHY have a secret phone? To discuss work things isnt a good enough answer I think. I know this guy that for the life of him just CANT stay faithful. Its just in his nature I guess. And he is very fond of saying that people are creatures of habit and given enough time they will go back to their old ways. I honestly think that this applies to your husband. I would get out if I were you. Good luck to you and let me know how it goes or what you decide.
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