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female
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*ngieQueb
writes: My ex and I dated for 3 months and broke up 19 days ago. Things were going great, with the exception of his ex-girlfriend manipulating her way back into his life. I found out that he cheated on me with her and so I broke up with him. He denied (and still does) that anything happened and we tried to work through it, but in the end...he decided that he didn't want to jump back into a "fix it" relationship. (Said I had trust issues...I wonder why??) BOTTOM LINE: He still wanted to screw around with his ex. He said that he wanted to remain friends and leave the door open for future potential. I agreed, mainly because I do love him (regardless of his behavior) and want him in my life. I haven't chased after him at all...he has initiated all contact with me. I've been responsive and nice...but have kept my distance trying my best to move on with my life. He just emailed me yesterday and told me that he's dating someone new (3 weeks after breaking up with me) and that he's cut his ex completely out of his life because she sent an anonymous email to this new girl telling her to stay away because he was hers.What am I?? His best friend?? His therapist?? I responded to him that I was happy that he'd met someone (trying to rise above the sucker punch I felt in my stomach). I know it's crazy and that I need to move on with my life. But, I am still in love with him and want him back. I'm hoping that by not chasing after him and by being a friend to him...that he'll eventually get tired of this new girl and dump her and we can have another chance to really make it work...now that the psycho ex is finally out of the picture.Do you think that this new relationship is just a rebound since it's only been 19 days since we broke up, he's only known this new girl for a month, they've just really started "dating" within the last week, and I know that he slept with the ex just last week (before he cut her for good)?? Do you have any advice/recommendations for me that will help position myself to where he'd come back ready to make it work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I find it odd that he is willing to dump the Ex for good for the new girl and not for you. Why do you think that?
He could just be lying as he is very untrustworthy.
He hasn't had that life altering realization that he needs to change for the good for a happy life with someone special.
He has to want to change Sweetie. He has to first realize and believe that he is wrong in sleeping around with other women while in a relationship. This isn't healthy or acceptable behaviour.
He sounds very selfish, insecure and an ill prepared to commit and have a faithful relationship with anyone as of now.
Cut him loose and move on.
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Breaking up with someone you love is hard. And in a way, it's degrading. You have a weakness that takes a lot of time and will power to strengthen. Being friends after a relationship is a good thing sometimes, but it gets complicated when the break up is really only felt by one of the former partners. It's still such a short time after being seperated, so of course you're in a vulnerable position. But to be completely honest hun... 3 months isn't exactly long enough to fall completely head over heels, unless you were one of the few that experience love at first sight or feel like you found your soul mate. Eventually, you'll move on, and the feelings will dim down. But he's already jumped two girls (since you) in 19 days. His ex, and this rebound girl. Maybe it's time you get yourself a rebound guy. Because, if you sit around waiting for him, you're denying yourself the chance to find someone better. And if you're rather young (like, teenage) then you're going through a stage where you get attached easily. He made you feel loved, and special, but there was no guarentee that that would last forever. If you're serious about him, maybe wait around until someone catches your interest... and please, don't throw off the person just to wait on your ex. To be blunt, second chances rarely work. Too many negative emotions are held up from the first try, I mean you two DID break up because of this or that, and you know... a perfect example is, he went back with that ex and left you for her... then left her for someone new... so who's to say if he does come back to you he won't leave you for someone new as well? (Only thing I can see is you geniunely care about him and you're not a psycho...)
To put is simply: Don't wait around forever, and don't instantly gain the mindset if you do get him back: "Oh we're going to work this time. Nothing's going to go wrong." As for whether he deserves a second shot with you, that's something only you can decide.
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