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female
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*elly
writes: So i've been with my fiance for about a year and a half and we've had an off and on long distance relationship because he's from the states up until about 3 months ago when we moved in together. The other day he had left his email page signed in by accident and so i took a peek and saw these emails from these girls saying stuff like hey sweetie.. i love you.. and sorry i didnt call you last night.. Then i read that he had met some other girl on that Hot or Not website so i snooped further onto his account there and found messages that he had sent to girls saying they were totally hot and asking them if they had any instant messengers or phone numbers. keep in mind, all these messages were when we were together.I confronted him and he admited to it and has apologised and cried over and over but i just can't help feeling worthless and betrayed. I just need advise on how one gets over something like this. I don't want to end it because i still love him i just don't know how i'm gonna be able to trust him again. Is it cheating because it sure feels like it was from here. Please, any help would be great! Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Get the both of you to some couples counselling. The counsellor can hear both of your sides and is there to help things not get too hot.
It is cheating. You needed him to be honest and sincere with you as this tells you he can respect you and love you. All of that has become undone.
It is now all about rebuilding. It will be hard as you will feel like you are finally overcoming it all and then a thought will pop back in your head...you will ask him questions and he will be tired of answering...he will become defensive and this will only make things worse.
Get to the counsellor.
It will all be about forgiving, asking forgiveness, him promising to stop his online activities and stop talking to those other girls and then keep that promise, he will be about being patient and realize how much he hurt you and be remorseful.
It is about time and him proving to you he can be trustworthy.
On your side, it's the leap of faith that he does love you and he is being honest; that you are worth keeping and worth him changing.
It will take time and actions from both of you.
A couples counsellor can tell you how to work on loving and trusting one another. He will instruct and guide you both back to where you can feel safe with one another and that you can have a future together.
Best of wishes Sweetie.
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