A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I apologize if this comes off a bit long but I type too much. I am a male virgin, I've never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm finishing up an associates and looking to get a bachelor's. I'm a geeky type of guy who's field of desire is art (illustration and film). It's hard for me to put myself out there since I consider myself sub par (physically and experience wise). The times I tried of course ended in rejection. I have had a few incidents recently that, coupled with my lack of romantic history, made me depressed.One incident involved hanging out on campus at a all girls house with a friend of mine (he's a guy). We were doing nothing particularly crazy; just watching movies. Well when a few of the girls were talking how one actor was sexy and his six pack abs and so forth. I look down at my large gut and immediately felt ashamed. The other incident wasn't really an incident but it was being at my friends house. We were elsewhere and one of his roommates had his girlfriend over; they just watched movies and cuddled, etc. It also made me depressed as I feel I am missing out on such a lovely experience. Not so much sex but intimacy. I feel at this point that not only am I physically and sexually inferior but I think I might be mentally inferior as well. I've spent so long in my head that I might be completely damaged goods. What would anybody advise for a guy like me?
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male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (7 April 2014):
I've been, and I still am to some degree, in your situation. You don't need the body of a bodybuilder or huge muscles. Try to stay fit, basic exercises, to show others that you take care of yourself. Look fresh and keep a good hygiene. Be yourself when you talk to women, don't pretend to be some you aren't.Do not search actively for a girlfriend, this will make you look desperate and is in fact a huge turn off. Try to be casual, small talk, laugh together and have a good time. Just because you don't had sex yet, or a relationship, doesn't mean your damaged goods, keep your head high. Try to join activites in your vicinity and piut yourself out there.Last but not least, try not to give a crap about getting in a relationship, just live your life and have fun, making yourself depressed just because you don't have a girlfriend won't solve anything.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2014):
 The reason women stay away is because you reek of inferiority and insecurities.
Not many guys look like Chris Evans, body wise. He puts in (without a doubt) a LOT of hours to look the way he does physically.
No GIRL will expect you to look like that.
What many girls DO expect is a guy who takes care of himself, good hygiene, good conversations, good sense of humor, good company.
If you are so miserable with yourself the ONLY one who can make changes is YOU. If you feel ashamed of your gut, then start working out, if you are ashamed of not meeting girls or having a GF, then WORK on your social skills. Get out of your head and start to talk to people, connect.
Your virginity at 23 doesn't make you damaged goods. It just means you have no experience, so what? I'm sure you have no experience in drag-racing, but does that stop you from learning how to drive?
You have tried a "couple of times" and it ended in rejection, OK so time to change your game plan. LOOK at other guys and their interactions. Do expect that the FIRST girl you try and talk to want to talk to you. Join groups where you SHARE something in common with the others. Then learn how to interact. I'm sure you can find some within your interest of art and film.
Don't be so FOCUSED on getting a GF. Baby steps. You first need to learn how to interact. Learn how to small talk. Be friendly. Say hi to strangers.
Learn to like yourself. If there are things you don't like, try and find some you do. And those you don't like, improve on them.
You might have to put more of an effort in, then some other guys, but so what? The other alternative is you sitting in a corner sulking over all the things you think you miss.
Your move.
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