A
female
age
30-35,
*uyen
writes:My mum got together with my stepdad when I was 6 years old (I'm now 20).All of my life he's been terrorising me and bullying me to the point when I was 14 I shot myself in the head with an airgun because I was severely depressed over him.Mum never stuck up for me.So now I'm a 20 year old woman and he still thinks he can treat me this way.The thing is, I stay in his (and mums) house, so any little thing I do or say he either threatens to - or kicks me out. I am currently looking for a place, but it's just so stressful.He doesn't get to me as much as he used to because I'm older and more able to deal with it but everytime I try to talk to him calmly, he shouts over the top of me and doesn't listen to reason.Mum is absolutely no help at all. I just don't know what to do and there's no other family I can stay with, for the time being.Any help will be deeply appreciated.Tuyen.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 December 2010):
 If things are really bad, go and get yourself a hotel room. You can also consider getting a room in a shared house which will be cheaper for you. Check loot or gumtree (online) or your local neighbourhood paper. Pubs often have rooms for let, and you can put a notice up (young person looking for accommodation) in your local newsagents.
Be prepared to have to pay a month in advance deposit. Ask your mother to help you out. You may have to leave your stuff and go back for it once you are settled.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 December 2010):
You can't change him, that's the way he is. You also can't convince your mother to leave him. All you can do is what you are doing, look for a way to leave that house fast.
If you have been upset enough to try to kill yourself, the money is unimportant and you don't need the best flat in the world. Just move, take anything that comes up and move away as quickly as you can. When you are in a new place then you can move again to somewhere cheaper or nicer, but safety should be your first priority.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Hi Tuyen, this does indeed sound like you are in an abusive household. Your mother may be a victim as well but hasn't yet realized it. I have a link for you, I want you read it and I think you should send them an email or call them for help and guidance. They can give you practical help and possibly refer you to a local center for living assistance.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003 (you're going to have to copy/paste the entire link) They seem to have lots of information for you and perhaps they can assist with housing you temporarily.
I think your mother is probably a victim as well. I'm sorry she isn't for whatever reason helping you cope and dealing with the abusive man.
You mentioned a previous suicide attempt. If you are experiencing any types of thoughts like that, please seek help immediately. I have a link for you: http://www.samaritans.org/
Best wishes to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): What sort of things has he been doing in the term you say terrorise? What ever it is, it obviously doesn't sound pleasant and he sounds a vile man. And your mom should know better than to ignore what's been happening to her own daughter.
You do need to get out of that house. You need your own freedom and perhaps talking to a counselor about everything. Make a whole fresh start for yourself. Do you have a job/get any sort of income? Saving would be a good start. Don't you have any friends you're comfortable enough to stay with?
I'm sorry for what has happened to you and I wish you happiness in the future.
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A
female
reader, HopelessRomantic66 +, writes (21 December 2010):
You are in an abusive situation. I would look for ways and means to move out of that house, and I would also seek counseling to help you deal with the emotions associated with past scars, your mother's passive behavior, and perhaps even help you to get out of this abusive household.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Hi Tuyen
I feel very sorry for you, as I'm sure a lot of people on here will do. You didn't ask for your stepdad to live with you, and you have had no choice but to put up with his horrible behaviour. You sound like a strong person to have got through all this, and I'm sure the end is in sight and soon you will be free of this exhausting behaviour of his, and the misery of your mum being passive and unable to do anything.
It really is important for you to move out and start living a normal, calm, happy, peaceful life, without someone being on your case all the time (for no good reason, I imagine, other than you aren't his child, and he isn't a very nice guy).
Do you have a job? Could you share a house with a friend? You need really to start looking seriously for somewhere, and get this organised, and get your own space. You are old enough to do that now. Please do it. Let it be your Xmas/New Year's present to yourself. As I'm sure you know, you can't change the situation at home - but now you can escape from it. So do.
We are all on your side, I'm sure.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You need to get out of there asap! That's the only way this will end unfortunately. I know you said you're looking for a place. Keep looking. Talk to your friends too. Some of them may need a roommate or be looking to move out of their parents' houses too. You're not a child anymore, so calling child protective services is out. If he doesn't get physical, then the police aren't likely to do anything either. So that leaves one option, get out.
I'm very sorry he treats you this way, and I'm even more sorry your mom doesn't do anything about it. She's probably been abused into submission though. Good luck finding a place of your own. Then you never need to allow him in.
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