A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My wife and I got married 3 years ago. We were dating a year prior. She had been divorced twice and widowed once prior to us even meeting. She has 3 siblings ,6 yr son from a father involved in crime and drugs R.I.P., 18 yr daughter from a father involved in drugs and alcohol, and 21 yr daughter from a father to which is not talked about. For starters, the two oldest daughters (21/18 now) stood us up at our wedding. The entire family were skeptical at this point. The 21 yr old has had two abortions during my marriage let another son let go for adoption due to selfishness of her own social life. (which disturbs me). She and the youngest daughter had my wife and I charged and put in jail over-night for what they called assault. My wife and I were trying to rescue her son under the suspicion of neglect and abuse and at the same time her 15 yr old runaway daughter (my SD). This was three weeks before we got married. Two years later, (21yr SD) she decides to move in with us due to her own misfortunes. I found myself dealing with different boyfriends coming in and out of my home day and night with her. She had too much to drink one night and ended up beating the lights out of my wife. I had the police take her away. I did not press charges due to my family morals and integrity. To this day she still comes around and I haven't received one ounce of apology. The 15 yr old SD was rebellious and moved out with her boyfriend just prior to us getting married. She got hooked on drugs and alcohol with her physically abusive boyfriend and ended up back at home a few years later. All she does at home is smokes, drinks, watches TV, sleeps in the living room (not her 70 sq ft finished bedroom including cable and bathroom with a shower), eats/drinks everything she can find every couple hours all night/day and doesn't contribute to any chores unless my wife tells her so. Even then, it's just the barest minimum. She sits on facebook and youtube for hours on end without any desire to get a job and help us out even the slightest. My wife and I both work 50-70 hours a week each. To say the least, we are exausted when we get home. I am treated like I'm in both daughters way and everything I've worked for is in their possession. I am not even treated like a step-father......I'm a fifth wheel with a paycheck. My wife is over-protective of them and gives/lets them do and take whatever they want. I get screamed at every day for the smallest things. My SS is the youngest ( 7yrs). He is the last hope of my dreams of being accepted as a Dad. With all the yelling and screaming in the household, I feel that these aren't good seeds to plant. I am tring to raise him to be a smart, and well-respected gentleman with good morals and integrity. His biological father (R.I.P.) had many problems with his life to which I do not want my SS influenced. At this point, our marriage is on the brink of being totally destroyed all caused by the SD's. My marriage and good family values is all I care, work, and live for. I've dreamt all my life for a good strong family. Is this what it's all about? Could you please help my wife and I survive this turmoil. I am afraid it's all going to crumble if something isn't done in the near future. I also realise that nobody is perfect and with that respect, there is always room for improvement.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answer. I don't tell anyone about my situation due to embarrassment. Can she make me pay support for HER kids if I went through a divorce? I feel trapped and don't know how to go about things. I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I've always wanted someone to accept me for who I am.........it's not happening. As well, there is major condecending toward me day after day. Verbal abuse is bringing my spirits down. Walking on egg shells every second I'm home isn't the way I want to live but I feel trapped. I've taken a good look at myself. I'm kind, considerate, respectful, caring, optimistic and very well educated with lots of hopes and dreams.......all tarnished. Is there hope? I don't know what to do.
B
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Didn't your wife's history or her evil kids give you a clue into what she is like? The last guy didn't even live long enough to go through a divorce. It sounds like your wife had an unstable upbringing and the ones closest to her are her daughters. She isn't strong enough to live on her own though, so she needs a man who will give her money/affections. It doesn't really matter who it is, as long as he ticks all the boxes. The only advice needed here is one of a family counsellor or a therapist. Nobody on the internet is going to fix this mess. If they're reluctant to go through counselling, cut your losses and divorce her. You deserve someone who doesn't have all this baggage or keeps their baggage under control. You are very much a "fifth wheel with a paycheck".Don't blame the kids, your wife is the biggest criminal out of all of them. You have a big heart to jump into this chaotic family, but you're not going to fix this without specialist/outside help.
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