A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a very difficult situation. I have been with an amazing guy for the past four years. We met online through a friend and clicked very well. We can talk about everything, he is supportive, dependible and faithful. But he is also very different than me. Everything from music and friends, to our future dreams and goals. I am currently a junior in college hoping to apply to medical school and he just completed school to become an aircraft mechanic. The problem all started 3 years ago when I met his best friend. I intantly found him attractive and was drawn to him. But I loved my boyfriend and so I never acted upon it or thought anything of it. But eventually me and his friend became very close. We have been best friends ever since. But I have always been extremely attracted to him, and I knew he felt the same but we would never act upon it out of respect for my boyfriend. We have just always been emotionally there for each other, and he can make me laugh like no one else. Well about a year ago he (the friend) joined the military and has been away ever since. But we still contact every chance we get through emails, phone calls and letters. Eventually, me and my boyfriend had somewhat of a falling out due to all of our differences and I made a 9 hour drive to see his friend where he was stationed. Well we ended up "hooking up." We somewhat continued the "affair" for three months. But due to our situations, we felt it would be impossible to carry on a true relationship so we left it at that. Currently my boyfriend has come back into my life and doesn't know anything about the "affair." Meanwhile his friend is currently stationed in Iraq for the next year. But I feel so guilty because I am lonely and I am trying to be happy with my boyfriend, but I cannot quit thinking of what might have been with his friend. Over the past few months I sort of fell in love with him, but I know a future with him would be hard due to this love triangle and the military. Should I just try and be happy with my boyfriend, even though he doesn't know? Or should I just move on from both of them? It seems unfair to compare them because I never really got the opportunity to have a relationship with his friend, so of course the newness of the relationship seems exciting and adventurous, but would it be as stable and supportive as with my boyfriend? Sorry its long, but any advice would help.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 March 2009):
 well, you already broke up with your boyfriend. why are you thinking of getting back with him. You don't love him anymore and you two are too different. let that relationship go. Let your ex find someone that will love him the way he deserve to be loved. Don't hold on to him because you are lonely and want someone in your life. that is selfish.
Its obvious from your post that you are extremely attracted and in love with his friend. However, i must warn you, we all want what me don't have so that could be part of the attraction. You want excitement and your boyfriend is not doing it for you. However, you don't know if his friends has good qualities that will make a good boyfriend either.
I say take a break on both men. Figure yourself out. You are young. no need to always be in a relationship to make you happy. Just date but don't get serious. Through dating different men you will discover yourself and know what you want and don't want in a man.
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