A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a really sensitive issue that leaves me in a dilemma and a lot of guilt... There's this guy I've been dating for awhile, let's call him M. He really likes me for who I am, he's very serious about me and very appreciative of me. He's been asking me to be in a relationship, which I really want to - but I told him to give it time and take it slow. He respects that. I really love him for his patience and sensitivity.But... my conscience is very bothered... As much as I want to go steady with him, I feel that I'll be letting him down if I get into a relationship with him. Because... I have a sugar daddy. I'm an international student in his country, so my family pays exorbitant fees for my tertiary education. If that's not enough, my mum, who's the breadwinner lost her job so she's no longer earning any income (my dad does a basic retail job, so can't help much).Thankfully she had a fair enough of savings to get me through my education to some extent... But to relieve her burden, I got into being a sugar baby so that I can alleviate the fees / accomodation that we have to pay (she doesn't know of it, and definitely will disagree with what I'm doing). Not knowing that, she always reminds me that we don't have enough money and to spend it wisely - which leaves me anxious, like as though we'll fall into debt at this rate... Because I can't pursue further education (e.g. honours) due to the lack of money.I'm unable to find a part time job here, so being a Sugar Baby seems like a feasible option for me to balance everything from grades to financial issues. It'll be no issue for me if I stay single.But I really want to be with M, I want to be honest with him, because he really values honesty. But having a sugar daddy simultaneously is something that I predict he wouldn't accept. I'm sure most boyfriends wouldn't be able to.So this puts me in a tough spot. What should I do...? Love, money or both...? Stay discreet and keep it a secret? Drop it...? I thank everyone for their kind advice in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2018): Sugar-daddies don't just giveaway free money. They expect something in return.
Is he so infatuated with your mere presence and overwhelmed with your beauty, that he just generously pays all your bills? I'm not that naive. Nor is any boyfriend with half a brain. No man would want his love-interest taking money from some other guy; who just likes spending his money on her. He'd wonder what you're doing for that man?
If he's just a guy who earns a good-living, and has a little cash to spare; he's got the perfect carrot to dangle over your head. This is almost a form of slavery. You are indentured for his financial-services; or you'd get kicked out of school, and have to return to your country. I won't ask how you met this guy, and how such an arrangement was made. There's no honest way to do it.
If he knew you were dating; most assuredly he will shut you off.
How do you explain to your mother how you remain enrolled without loans or grants? She's not naive either.
You can't hide this situation indefinitely. At the moment, you are a kept and owned lady.
For now, the man in your life is the guy who pays the bills. He's not going to pay your bills and tuition; while you sleep with other men for free.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 May 2018):
 What is more important?
Having a BF or.. finishing your education?
I think prostituting yourself to get an education makes me sad. And I wonder WHY, you haven't considered finishing up whatever tertiary education in your own home country at a MUCH more affordable school/university INSTEAD of selling yourself.
But since you have chosen to go the "sugar baby option" *shudders* you will have to decide what is more important. If you choose having a BF, HOW will you live? If your "Sugar-Daddy" won't accept you dating and he drops you, you have no money and then what?
I can't SEE any guy being OK dating a woman who is selling herself. No matter how "noble" it sounds. I'm doing it for my education!
But.. you can't hide stuff like that. Either of them WILL find out. Eventually... and then what?
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