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anonymous
writes: If u have strong feelings for a friend which is a girl and u have known her for 10 yrs, dated in 7th grade for 6 months, and would do anything for including buying her, her dream engagement ring for $5,000-$10,000 should i tell her how i feel and risk our great friendship or hold my feeling inside and keep the relationship. What should i do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 January 2005):
 Hi there Romeo,Whoa! Please! Slow it down, dear.You have strong feelings of affection for her, but reading between the lines, you haven't dabbled in the romantic aspects with her since the 7th Grade. Don't you think pricing engagement rings might be a little premature?Maybe you've been letting things build up inside you over the last months or years, and in your mind, it has to be 'everything, right now', or 'nothing-and-it's-all-over-forever'. But it doesn't have to be anything of the kind. There are a number of ways that this could play out. Example 1: You could tell her how you feel and find out that she feels exactly the same. (hurrah!)Example 2: You could tell her how you feel and she could look uncomfortable and have a sudden need to visit a sick friend in another town.Example 3: You could tell her how you feel and she could be completely surprised, but after a while, could realise she loves you.Example 4: You could keep things to yourself and you might grow on each other anyway, with a possible romantic future where you both declare your love.Example 5: You could say nothing, she could find a millionaire/hopeless loser/ordinary bloke and have a relationship entirely independent of how you feel...Etc etc.So, take a couple of deep breaths and clear your mind. Exhale.Good. Now think about this objectively.You're already friends, therefore, the chances of a romantic feeling simmering underneath your friendship are better than they'd be if you didn't know each other. That's a really good point in your favour.However, you've known each other for ten years and you don't seem confident that she has that romantic spark. That's something that doesn't look so good on the big Chalkboard Ledger.How well do you really know this woman? Do you talk about things to each other? Do you hang out, go places together, talk on the phone, have common hobbies, discuss world affairs? Anything like that? The reason I ask these questions is to make you think about the depth of your friendship and whether this woman may already have a hint of your feelings.If you feel you know her well, as a really sincere friend, and something inside you says, "The chance has always been there, and she's never shown the slightest interest", then it's probably wiser to keep things to yourself. Or,if you've made a tentative suggestion in the past and been knocked back, it's probably not on. Ditto, if she's involved with anyone else right now.On the other hand, if you're maybe a bit shy (I'm guessing) and haven't ever made any moves, she may not even have a clue what lurks under the surface. In that case, I'd say you should take a chance and ask if she'd like to go out with you sometime as your girlfriend.When you ask, try not to burst forth like a volcano, making everlasting declarations of love or offering to go shop for engagement rings, or she might panic at your intensity. Just tell her that you really enjoy her company a lot and think that it would be great if she'd go out with you as more than just friends.Start things slow and let her get to know how deep your feelings are gradually. Think of it as slowly letting the air out of an overinflated balloon, as compared with sticking it with a pin.Good luck!
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