A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do you do if you realize you have to start from scratch at the age of 28.I got abused in my childhood and sadly I let it affect me my whole life by playing the victim mentality- always feeling sorry for myself and basically just coming off as low value and really negative. I tolerated poor treatment from others and sadly never found the strength to speak up and now I'm here... questioning everything in disbelief. I no longer have half my family in my life, I feel that people don't really respect me or take me that seriously, I literally have no friends left or socail life. The only skills I feel myself to have built up is being everybody else's person and now its like what do I do now.I let myself get so sucked into my conditioning, my whole life has been a lie it feels.Thankfully I have my precious daughter and my mum is actively in my life but other than that I am on my own. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lillydiamond  +, writes (10 June 2014):
Firstly, I am very sorry that you had to go through abuse. It was not your fault and it is not right. You deserve to be happy, loved and respected.
You want to know how to start over? You are already doing it!!! By refusing to be a victim and by deciding to move on you have already started your new awesome life! Congratulations!
You can reboost your social life by maybe joining a club? What are your hobbies? You have a kid, so maybe get involved with other parents.
I hope that you can find happiness, just know, you deserve it. Good luck!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 June 2014):
Hi OP, I am kind of confused. You say you started life from scratch by doing what exactly?
Are you starting at a point where you are not putting yourself down anymore? No longer letting your past affect you? Starting to see how amazing life can be? Thankful you are alive, and in good health to have a daughter? To have finally have courage to stand up for yourself? To realize you need to respect yourself, and not worry about what others think?
When you say you are starting life at 28, what kind of life are you starting?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 June 2014):
You only start life from scratch when you're born. You've had 28 years to become the person you are today. You may not think that's a whole lot, but it's what everyone else has. Besides, many people are still screwing around at 28.
I'd start by deciding if you can/want to attend college. If not, you need to think of a career that can pay well without a college education. If you can get a loan start a business (or save up a little and start small).
Normal people things and you aren't late to the party so get the show on the road.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (10 June 2014):
 You have done a lot of self analysing. Now it's time to take absolute full control of your destiny. Try enrolling into some adult education. Speaking from my own experience and in a much similar situation as yours it worked for me. It will give you confidence. It will introduce you to new like minded people and will give you some ideas as to where you go from here.
You have to make a stand,it's not too late and no one can do it for you. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): Wow! You seem to have reached total self-realization. There are lots of people starting out life for the first time even much older than you are.
Recently divorced women who have never held a job, or returning to the workforce after raising a family. Young women who have been sheltered by over-protective parents, or due to cultural tradition, widows; and women rehabilitated from drug-abuse and/or mental or physical-health issues. They have to struggle, and find their way for the first-time on their own as well. You are not alone.
Now that you have done some introspection and have acknowledged your faults. Seek mentoring and counseling through women's support-groups. You mention nothing about your educational-background. An education changes lives and gives most people a leg-up from despair. It broadens opportunities; and you discover your potential.
What you want and need is a purpose. Your first priority is your daughter. So in order to provide for the both of you, seek an education. If you have a degree, and you've never used your skills; it's time. Putting yourself down may have been the old you, but you're still very young. Only you need guidance. That means you have to seek organizations that specialize in that area. Programs that help single-mothers get on their feet. Find your calling. It's not too late.
It will take effort and commitment. Otherwise; you'll just throw up your hands, and regress back to the person you no longer want to be. At least you aren't turning to a man to compensate for what you think you lack. Dependency is the last thing you need.
You need financial-independence, and you have to work. Start with something simple if you've been out of the workforce for awhile. If you are working, set higher goals, and increase your potential with a higher education. I only suspect you need an education; because if you had a degree, you would know where to start. You have to support yourself and provide for your daughter.
You may be a single-mother for a stretch. By choice or by fate. Start building a life for yourself; and discover more about yourself. Create the woman you want to be. That is what you missed on your journey to where you are now.
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