A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I find that we, humans, seem to have a nature of wanting things that we don't have sometimes to a point where we are hurting people along the way just to get it, because we don't know how to appreciate them when it is already in front of us. But then, there are those who choose to see the best things in the life that they already have and it has made them the happiest, most content people. What is your definition of happiness? What it will give you peace when you die?If given this scenario, which life would you choose: A promising simple, married life from a loving husband but with a lackluster love for him? Or being single, pursuing your dreams, pushing your limits and hopefully find the right one or end up being single forever? Would you choose stability or risk that to find what completes you and is your definition of happiness? Is it stupid to want something more when you can just be grateful and happy with what you have? Maybe we just need to program ourselves to be more appreciative and then we wouldn't be so selfish or discontent or have regrets later in life?Thank you. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): Ps. I have excitement AND stability all in one with my hubby. We're so happy together - I couldn't ask for more.
It is possible for you too. You don't have to choose either or.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWonderful opinions everyone, thank you! It seems like we ARE lucky to live in this generation where we DON'T have to settle, where we have choices if only we choose to use them. I also agree that us, humans, are built uniquely and continuously grow. What I thought I had wanted as I matured and used reasons to make my decisions were in fact not necessarily the ones that made me happy. On the other hand, it is the very same things that another individual is happy about. You can only deny yourself of your true happiness. Its not about changing who they are bec. They feel unworthy/imperfect but about accepting who they really are AND wanted to become regardless of the hardship that will come, may be the only way to live a full life. I also believe that there is goodness in all of us and that people don't intentionally hurt others hearts, its just that we are all different so its harder to understand each other at time. we need to be strong enough to accept losses/failures in love or in life because that's how we grow, we live. Yes, my personality is more of a risk-taker but I find myself that as I grow older, some risks need to be well thought of as its not only your own life but of others that we will change and THAT is the crux of adulthood. I have lived the "riskier" and the "stability" route at diff. points in my life and I must say though the results weren't what I had hoped in the risks that I have taken, it was still worth doing all over again bec. felt I had lived, even for just that moment of my life. I followed my dreams, did the late night vigil in school, or the short moments with this guy I fell madly in love with, or that trip abroad alone after being raised with a silver spoon in my mouth w/ someone at my beck and call. I survived all new experiences and it was worth all that. I can say I have lived. ??Now that I am older, there are tough decisions ahead of me and this time I am leaning towards stability. I just need to figure out what I REALLY want in my life now. Thank you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2014):
 Being single and follow my dreams. Settling is misery in the making. In this day and age NO ONE HAS to settle.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 Sometimes happiness is not something you can choose to be. It is a state of being. It depends on your personality. Some are more adventurous while some like routine. I think the kiersey temperament sorter or other personality test could predict how your marriage could turn out. The couple should have certain compatibility too.
Your goals could also change throughout your life cycle. When you got married you could say that's what you want and then years later one moment comes, there's a calling to do something else and be somewhere else. If you are lucky your spouse lets you travel then come back. There are also people who's burnt out from doing too much so now they appreciate a simple life.
I think there needs to be a balance between stability and excitement as both are part of our essential needs. Some lean more towards stability and some need more excitement. At the end more people want stability because not everyone can afford to risk a loss of investment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): You can have both: stability and love.
I thnk you are more though talking about non stop excitement . Well, that's not going to happen. Even if you head over hills with your husband the first few years, feeling fades and become habitual.,
Women who always looking for excitement end up getting into all kinds of trouble whether its STD or unwanted pregnancy or a row of men who use you for sex.
The. Of course there is non promiscuous type who looks for ever lasting love that never happens also, and they end up not mArryng anyone and having no family.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): I would risk it every single time. Personally I would never settle. Life is an adventure. And settling does not define happiness for me. Happiness means pursuing your dreams. Pushing boundaries. Even if does not work out, you will at least have tried. I would rather live with regret than with never knowing and never trying. So choosing what is behind door #2 would sit well with me. Sadly many of us die too many deaths before even beginning to live. We are all programmed to find a decent spouse, have children, own a home and then magically be happy. Sad part is so many keep up the façade for appearances sake and live the rest of their lives in comfortable conformity. And maybe settling seems good enough.... until something or someone awakens you. By complete chance. Never by design. As I believe everything happens for a reason. And sometimes your life must fall apart in order for it to fall together again, the way it was meant to be. So many are afraid to shake it up. Step outside their comfort zone. To take a chance.Why settle for lacklustre when you can have fireworks? Love is not meant to be lacklustre.Yes, be grateful for what you have IF it is what you truly want and IF it is what makes you truly happy beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are NOT searching and forever searching elsewhere for your happiness. Or questioning things. As you are doing now. Clearly you are not happy enough to want to settle?If you are not grateful for what you have, then what you have is not what you want or what makes you happy. If you do not take that chance, you will regret it and spend the rest of your life wondering what if?Nobody wants to be alone and when they have a history built up with a partner, it just seems familiar, safe. But it isn't love.It takes guts to break outside your shell, to go after what you truly want. GUTS. Most people would prefer to live within a safe little cocoon without ever growing wings and seeing where those wings could take them. Possibly to paradise... And paradise is not a dream. It could be your reality.I think we all need stability and we all need excitement. If you can find it in the same person, you would not need to ask the question. Maybe find a person who is exciting who also has the potential for stability instead of finding a stable partner who does not excite you?
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 at's deep and foder for late night thought but, Since 'm too far over the hill to even think about the option of being free to indulge. I must chose the stability option. It's safe and predictable. The second option assumes freedom (finacial) and having the attractive features to alure the other free souls. I'm poor and past prime so option one is the clear winner. But I know what you're talking about. I think we all wonder, "What if?"
...............................
|
