A
female
age
41-50,
*ppledapples
writes:Hello,My name is "LS", and I have a couple of questions that I'd like you all to shed some light on.So here is the background story. In 2007 I met this really wonderful person in London and we really hit it off and dated for 4 months. Then I had to leave for the states. We continued talking almost everyday for the whole of 2008. He confessed that he loved me 3 months after I left. That changed the dynamic of our relationship. Because now, we had an anchor to our attachment. Time transpired, I wanted to go visit, but as ya'll know financial crisis went crazy in 2008 for everyone. I got laid off, I couldn't afford a plane ticket, etc. We started arguing more , I was having difficult times and so was he. We didn't talk for 2 weeks, and all of a sudden he got a new girlfriend who is also long distance, but in the EU (mind you, we never really defined our relationship when I left. We kinda just kept it open. He however did not sleep w/ anyone for nearly a year.)I was heart broken because I liked him so much and now he liked someone else, and compared her to the same spark that we had. What he did seems some spiteful because it was after an argument. That hurt like crazy when he said that! However, he did not stop talking to me all that time. Which really confused me. He said he loved her, but they only seen each other a total of 11 days through out the 5 months they've dated. They knew very little of each other and he continued talking to me. If he really wanted to make it work w/ that girl. He would have cut me out. Anyhow. I booked a plane ticket to go see post-graduate schools in the U.K and I was gonna stay at his flat.He agreed to it. So I arrived and was really happy to see him, he was happy to see me too. I missed him soooo MUCH! But it was very different. I felt that he was rationing his affection and love. We got take out food and watched a movie at his flat. We slept together in his bed. The next day I asked, what does your gf think of all this? And he goes, she's out of the picture. I didn't even know she broke up with him! I was happy, but really confused. She was my rebound. Now, I'm her rebound. With each turn of events. New questions arises. I hate myself for over-analyzing the situation.Anyhow, what threw me for another loop was. He took me to his mothers! He said he had to do laundry and it wasn't like we were getting married or anything. BUt it was wierd ! She had made a wonderful dinner. It felt like thanksgiving. I noticed that she wrote my name down on her calender in the kitchen. I felt very special but still very wary. She also knew a lot about me and asked me a lot of questions and told my Pseudo-lover while I wasn't there, that I was very lovely. He got all affectionate with me after wards, like holding hands and such. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? Anyhow, to this day we are still talking and we're at the same place we were b4. It's still open since I can't just immediately go to grad school there. I wish he'd just wanna be with me. But he says whatever happens, happens. He also want me to have a chance to be happy to. If I find someone I like I should go for it (easier said than done). He's being pragmatic about the distance we still have, however. I wish he'd be more proactive about being with me. Instead of dangling hope.There is an air of seriousness now. It used to be just about fun and affection. I really missed those days and yearn for them. But I'm still nursing a heart that now has trust issues. He is in a situation where he can't give me reassurance, which blows! Why am I so smitten by someone who can't even meet me half way?! In his mind. He is trying, by talking to me most days.He is a really nice person, and he treated me very nice while I was over there looking at schools. I still like him a lot. This situation is so unfair for the both of us. I wish I can let all these bad feelings go.Why is he giving me mixed signals?Can I get over the hurt and the implication of emotional baggage?What can I do to make this work? How can I ask him to help me heal? Why am I so damn smitten when I know that I should treat myself better?Why is he so confused? I want to be happy again. How do I achieve this?
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broke up, long distance, spark, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, appledapples +, writes (19 April 2009):
appledapples is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. It's good to know. Here to Luck,Love and Fortune.
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2009):
 I think you should hang in there, it may well work out - but at the same time you should look out for yourself, if you found someone new, it would be his loss, its not from lack of trying on your part that you two arent together yet. If he misses the boat with you, its his fault.
I went back and forth from eng to usa with a guy for 3 years, we've been married for 2 of them and im living with him now, so there is hope :)
xx
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A
female
reader, appledapples +, writes (16 April 2009):
appledapples is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes. I've spoke to him. He just says we'll see how it goes. I can't promise anything.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2009):
Short answer is that long distance is a bugger, he met someone else, realised it might happen agiain to him or you, isnt commiting because you are so far apart and most likely is trying to keep it open to protect himself from getting to attatched until you definitly are or arent comming to stay.
Have you spoken to him about it??
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