A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been living and dating my partner since January this year. We have done a lot together in this time and also share a family pet. i have a lot of stress from work related matters and been off work temporary with a back problem. Over the last few months at times I believe I have been giving off some bad energy from my own problems. This caused my partner some concern and also felt that our intimacy wasn't there anymore. This was because I was suffering from depression over my work related issues which left me very anxious. To cut this story short we were out 5 weeks ago on a day out and we disagreed on a travel plan. I left my partner at the bus stop around 10am as I told her I felt there was no point of us going if we were already in a bad mood. At the time I was in a lot of pain with a foot injury and really wasn't thinking straight. She went alone on the bus and I followed some 30 minutes later but I never made it to the bus as my foot was really bad at this point. I stayed in the local village as we planned to take a certain train back home later on in the day at 5pm. So I waited for her and sent her a couple of messages at 1.30. She did not respond till over an hour later saying that she had started the journey back. When I arrived back home she looked ok but a little sad. I felt bad too, I said to her what is happening to us? Why are we fighting all of a sudden? I then asked her if she liked me living with her. She replied some of the time no. I said what do you mean? She said sometimes with your bad moods I don't like it. Plus I need my space when I finish work. You're in the house all day off work you don't go out hardly. This is true because of my illness. I said I would move out then, she said when? I said in 2 weeks if you want. She said I think it's for the best. I actually didn't mean what I'd said and was just saying out of frustration. The next day it seemed as though she was keeping me to my word. Yes, this was the case. So I gave her some space and I stayed away in the other room when she came home. Everything seemed ok. The next night I did the same but she fell asleep in the other room on the sofa, so I went and woke her to take her to bed. We cuddled and went to sleep. The next day same but I had fallen asleep before her. Onto the next evening my partner came into our room when she finished work. She said to me are you taking the pi*s?! I said of course not, no. Why? She said I thought you were moving? She said I hadn't done anything about it. I said are you chucking me out?! She said "you said!" and then I said I didn't mean it. She then started to let out a big cry and then she went downstairs uncontrollably crying. Her friend came upstairs and said she wanted to tell me something. I said what? She said that my partner had lived on her own most of the time in our flat alone before we met. She was used to her own space and felt that I should leave if I really loved her. I said that I was not going to leave our home and I started getting defensive, a small argument but it soon cooled down. My partner came back upstairs and we didn't speak. So I started getting my belongings ready to move. She offered to help me, I declined. On my last day at the house I went and bought her a plant and a card with the words 'I will always love and care for you till the end". I told her I was going to stay with a friend for a couple of days, on the second day I received a message from her saying that she felt no longer safe in the flat with me because of me being verbally abusive. She also said that the landlord has changed the locks. I was shocked and panicked a bit. It felt very upsetting that she felt this way. At this moment I felt horrid and guilty. What have I done? Kept going over and over in my mind. All this work stress and health issues, they don't matter to me. I was heartbroken, but I had done the damage. At this time I received a message about my father being rushed to hospital and was having major heart surgery. I hadn't talked to him in 3 years and was part of my anxiety stress condition that I've been off work for. I told my partner about my dad and she was concerned but was brief in her message. We had another disagreement over me collecting the rest of my stuff. She was getting other people involved to help but I saw this as humiliation. I also felt I wasn't going to be thrown out of my home so I got upset. I told my partner that I did not want any other people involved and that I wanted to collect my things in a civil way without any drama or other people. She told me the landlord said I wasn't allowed inside. With this message I went in a huff to the flat and walked in the reception area and the staff were inside. I saw the caretaker of the property and I said to him have the locks been changed? Because if they have then this is an illegal eviction and I would call the police. I shouted at him this was not right. So after I walked outside and just stood there not knowing what to do. 10 minutes later I decided I would just get a taxi and ask for the rest of my stuff. So in a calm fashion I went back inside and the caretaker offered to help me with my stuff. The taxi arrived and I left in a calm civil manner. A week went by and my partner sent me an email asking me for an address as she had some of my mail. I said that I could meet her some time when she wasn't busy and that there was no rush. She replied and said she hoped I was ok and that she was not ready to see me yet and offered to take my mail to my friends shop. I said ok and gave her my new address as well. She sent my mail but that is all. I haven't heard from her in over a week. It's been 3 weeks since I moved out and I've been feeling heartbroken and lost. We had a cat together and I miss them both so much. I really can see my mistakes and things have started getting better I am back to work in a few weeks time. I've been getting help from the doctor. I am also talking to my dad again and that is going ok. I just wish for my partner, to be back together. Neither of us has ended the relationship, I mean she hasn't said it's over and nor have I. All I keep thinking of is her last message about not being ready to see me yet. What do you all think of this? I am sorry because I haven't been the golden boy here, I have had a lot of troubles in my life and it all got to me. When I met my partner I was not well, she knew this as I had been off sick from my job because of a management issue and accident I had at my work place. She has helped me a lot, we have been through a lot together and had some amazing times, travelling and having fun. But I got lost... are we over? I appreciate any help you can give me x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): It was over when she changed the locks.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2016):
 Look I can see that you are suffering from mental health issues and that is tough, I am glad you are seeking help. But from your post all you talk about is you and your feelings. It is all me me me. But what about how your partner feels? It sounds to me like she needs you to listen to her. I understand depression and anxiety are hard to deal with, but what you need to realize is that it is hard for her as well. You don't mention how long you where both together, or how long you have been living together? You say it is your home, but is your name on the lease? Or is it just hers? I can understand from her point why she needs space, off course it is hard to deal with living with someone when you have lived alone, it is even harder to live with someone who never leaves the house, as you need space in a relationship as well.
It sounds to me like this relationship as reached the end am afraid. It sounds like she is tired and has had enough. Give her the space that she needs, maybe she will want to talk one day.
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